
A couple years ago the hubs and girls and I were driving down the mountain – a back road with hairpin turns and you can’t go very fast – when my youngest daughter said, “Hey! I just saw a bear. Or a cat. It might have been a cat, but it looked like a bear.”
We weren’t going anywhere important and we weren’t going that fast, the road was deserted and so my husband stops and backs up.
As we’re backing up my daughter says, “Maybe it was a dog. Actually, yeah, I think it was a dog.”
At this point, I’m thinking to myself, she saw a wet rock.
So, we’re kind of laughing, thinking we’re going to see a interesting rock or possibly a house cat on the side of the mountain, or maybe a lost dog, but when we get back to the culvert where she saw it, sure enough, not five feet off the road was a mama bear with two little cubs.
Of course my husband winds his window down and hangs out of it with my phone. I’m remembering all the cautions to NOT mess with a mother bear with cubs, and I’m also having a little chat with the Lord. It went something like this: if that bear attacks him, am I obligated to throw myself between them? I mean, I did voice my opinion- only once, Lord, so he wouldn’t say I was nagging – that I didn’t think it was a good idea to be so close, and, shockingly – that’s sarcasm – he didn’t listen to me, so really, Lord? Am I off the hook for this one?
Yeah, I know. You spiritual ladies would have been praying for safety and protection and probably wouldn’t even mention to the Good Lord one time about how good bear roast with mashed potatoes and gravy is.
Seriously, safety is of the Lord, and I believe that, but a person needs to show a little common sense, too, right?
Regardless, we didn’t get attacked and I actually got a picture of the bear (the real bear, not me – the hubs insisted I clarify).
I’ve told you we live way out, and seeing bears isn’t exactly a novelty. We have our dumpster about seventy-five yards below our house and we’ve had bears in it and around it and on it (that’s a real pain because they push the lids in and they – the lids not the bears – get stuck and are hard to pull out, and one of our kids – the one that’s named Not Me – will throw garbage on top of the lid without pulling it out, etc). We’ve stood on our deck with spotlights watching them. It’s always been at night, although a few times in the evening when we’re driving down our driveway we’ll see one.
Once, when I was picking blueberries I happened to look over and there was one in the field beside me. I think it saw me about the same time I saw it and conveniently we both ran in opposite directions and never did meet. Which, in my opinion, was a good thing.
Once when my oldest son was around twelve, maybe, he had a friend over. They’re tough dudes and wanted to sleep in a tent outside in the yard. I’m fine with that. I’ve told you about my oldest son, and I wasn’t worried about anything getting him.
I know none of you all ever did this, but I admit, I kind of messed with my kids some. Still do, I’m sorry. I said to my kid as he walked out with his sleeping bag, “You’ll be fine. Just make sure your tent is zipped up the whole way because bears can’t unzip it. Oh, and you did brush your teeth, correct? Because what smells like bad breath to humans smells like lunch to a black bear.”
Bears weren’t on his radar until I said that. : )
He kinda looked at his friend, then back at me trying to pretend his eyes weren’t the size of navel oranges. “Do you really think there are bears out there?”
I shook my head, hiding my evil smile with a fake worried look. “Nah. I was just messing with ya.”
Maybe some of you will be able to relate to this, but my husband is about a thirteen-year-old boy in a man’s body. I would like to say I’m more mature, but I can’t remember which of us had the idea.
About an hour after dark, the hubs and I crept through the yard, stopped about twenty feet from the boys’ tent and started to growl.
After about five seconds, our growls got increasingly loud and angry-sounding. (I’m actually pretty good at growling, and my whole family will agree with that statement. : )
There was some scrambling in the tent. Some yelling back and forth. More scrambling. The sound of the zipper yanking.
Then the boys shot out of the tent, flew down to the house, screaming like girls. Seriously. They were screaming so loud, they never heard the hubs and I rolling on the ground laughing until they were pounding on the door, which they couldn’t open because the hubs and I had locked it. : )
I know, I know. People like us should never have had kids. Our poor children. It’s pretty amazing that they seemed to have turned out almost normal and even more amazing that they still talk to us.
My son’s friend never came back, but I think that had more to do with the fact that we had beets for supper than any lingering issues over the bear noises.
But, you know, you reap what you sow and all that…
One June a few years after that – back when we just had a few chickens and not the big laying houses we have now – I had gone over to grab some eggs for breakfast before my kids got up. On my way back over to the house, when I was directly between the coop and the house – maybe sixty yards to both…you know how you just have this sensation that someone is watching you? You get that chill up your spine and the hair on the back of your neck raises? Know what I mean?
Seriously, I felt that, but knew it had to be nothing. My husband had left for work before daylight and our trucks were all on the road. The garage was behind me, beside the chicken coop, but it was locked up tight.
Still, that feeling had a hold on my neck and I couldn’t shake it. I stopped and turned around, scanning behind me.
Nothing.
I started to turn back around, thinking I was being silly, but still not feeling right, when my eye caught something off to the side at the edge of the woods just a dozen or so yards away.
So, yeah, I’m sure you already know it was a bear. It was sitting there – like a bear in a circus might sit, on its butt with its paws hanging down. I’m not very visual, but I can still see it, shiny black and perfectly outlined by the lush green just behind it. The round ears pricked and the nose lifted, a rectangular spot of brown on its chest.
It was staring at me.
To be fair, I was now staring right back at it, more because I was frozen and couldn’t move than to actually be rude or anything.
You know that feeling when your stomach is trying to run to the house but your heart and lungs have stopped working and your legs feel like logs caught in a pile up? It’s like the opposite of the warm fuzzies.
So, I was kinda racking my brain trying to figure out what to do. Do any of you know what to do in a situation like that? If you run, they chase you, right? I kinda felt like there must be cubs around or something, because why else would it just be staring at me?
So, I moved my eyes around (not my head, lol) but couldn’t see any little black bodies.
I thought about setting the eggs down (Do bears eat eggs?) kind of like a peace offering. But there went my kids’ breakfast. (Better to lose breakfast than to have mom get eaten? Maybe. Not sure on that one. I did have boys.)
So, I finally decide, it’s either going to eat me or it’s not. Right?
I don’t want anyone to get the mistaken idea that I was brave or anything. I seriously didn’t know what else to do – I turned around and finished walking to the house.
When I reached the door, I looked back over my shoulder and it was still sitting there, watching me. Honestly, I never even thought to go get a camera. I walked in the door, closed it and sat down on the floor. The kids found me there an hour or so later, and it was a little longer than that before my legs stopped feeling like Jello.
Ha. Okay, I love telling stories of life on the farm, but I actually do write books, too. I’ve been doing a little project with my life-time narrator, or-as-long-as-he’ll-have-me, Jay Dyess, and I wanted to share it with you.

We’ve been putting my audios up on YouTube where you can listen to the for FREE! We have around twenty of the fifty or so audios that we’ve made together up on Say with Jay – Jay’s channel. You can listen to any of them or all of them without paying a thing. I love that! I honestly can’t wait until they’re all up. I know you all work hard for your money and I love being able to give readers a bargain. : )
Here is the link to Say with Jay: https://www.youtube.com/c/SaywithJay/ Check it out. Listen to anything that catches your fancy and I’d love it if you’d hit the “Subscribe” button and leave a few comments!
Thanks so much for spending time with me today.