As a reader (and author) of sweet, historical western romance, nothing gets me more excited than seeing a new mail-order bride story. While I can’t begin to imagine what these women went through, I can certainly create a scenario that seems plausible to me.
When I wrote my first mail-order bride romance, I did a lot of research and found some of the most hilarious recounts of how and where men found their match. Of course, it wasn’t always done by mail. There were many different avenues to explore should you be in need of a wife. Or, for that matter, a husband.
The Standard Mail-Order Bride
The most familiar scenario was the “advertisement”. This was also the longest process given the time it took for a letter to cross great distances during the mid-1800s (the height of the phenomenon). Generally, a man would place an advertisement in a handful of larger newspapers throughout the East and Midwest. The ads varied from short and to the point, to longer explanations. I found a wonderful example of these ads during my research and used of few of them to create a meme insert in my book, A Christmas Baby for Beatrice.
The Bridal Service/Matchmaker
The use of a matching service took a lot of the unknown out of the process. Applications for both men looking for brides and women seeking to be a bride were (hopefully) scrutinized by the person running the matchmaking service. Matches were made and, depending on the applicant’s preference, contact was then done via letters until the couple became comfortable, OR they went on blind faith that the matchmaker knew what they were doing.
Matchmakers, especially during the time of the gold rushes and land grabs, would often set up meet-and-greet parties, where you could meet face-to-face before selecting a partner. For the most part, these were among the most successful of all the matching types.
Matches weren’t always perfect and, occasionally, the bride was ‘returned’ which usually involved paying for their travel expenses back to where they came from. Or, by receiving a refund from the matching service. My very first mail-order bride romance, Seth’s Secretive Bride, was a mismatch that turned into a beautiful love story.
The Arranged Marriage
Arranged marriages were the norm among the rich, most often for business purposes of mergers or financial bailouts. Given most young women would never defy their father or mother’s wishes, these marriages often ended up cold and heartless. Children were only conceived out of a sense of duty, and husbands often took mistresses. Personally, I’m not a fan of arranged marriage brides. I much prefer a strong heroine who refuses to accept her fate. I’ve written a few of those. All with happy endings, of course. My latest arranged marriage story, Adela’s Solemn Vow, ended in rejection by the would-be groom. Thank goodness my heroine was strong-willed because she took it in stride and made a new life for herself with a much better hero.
The Church Marriage
Probably the least known form of matchmaking was those that were facilitated by the church. It wasn’t widely practiced but did happen when a newly ordained minister was single. The church, preferring a stable homelife for the man in charge of their faith, would find a suitable wife for the minister to marry.
My grandfather, Peter M. Weaver (b. 1860), was first ordained as a Methodist minister in Tennessee in 1884. His church arranged a marriage to Nancy Ann Melson (b. 1864), a lovely twenty-year-old from a nearby community, and so began my lineage on my mother’s side of the family. They had two children right away, a son and a daughter, born in 1885 and 1887.
In addition to his small country charge, my grandfather also covered two other remote areas on his circuit (not unusual at the time). When he was home, he and my grandmother ran a small farm to help feed their family. However, in 1909, at the age of 45, my grandmother became with child for the third time. My aunt Lillie was born in September of that year. My mother followed two years later in September of 1911. By the time both my aunt and mother were born, the two older siblings had children of their own, making both babies aunts to children older than themselves.
Despite my personal family history, a church-arranged marriage is the one scenario I’ve not attempted to write. I’m not sure why, but likely because it hits home too closely.
I’d love to hear what you think of the mail-order bride scenarios. Is there something you’ve not read that you think would make a good premise?
I have four signed/print books to give away. So, please feel free to comment for your chance to win.
Wishing you all a happy, blessed day!
Nancy
NANCY FRASER is a bestselling and award-winning author who can’t seem to decide which romance genre suits her best. So, she writes them all.
When not writing (which is almost never), Nancy dotes on her five wonderful grandchildren and looks forward to traveling and reading when time permits. Nancy lives in Atlantic Canada where she enjoys the relaxed pace and colorful people.
I’ve read a lot of mail-order bride stories, historical romance and contemporary. I enjoy them.
As an aside, my great-grandfather was a Methodist minister in Tennessee, too, plus a small farmer. A little after yours.
It’s amazing how many of my reader/author friends have a similar history.
Thanks for an interesting post. I have also read mail-order bride stories and really enjoy reading them.
They are very popular. There’s just something about the mystery of marrying a stranger that’s exciting.
Have any of your M-O-B stories involved a husband in the military? I’m not sure I’ve run across that plot stratagem in any of the mail order bride stories I’ve read.
None of mine do, but it’s certainly something to consider for a future book. Possibly because the idea would only work for a man with a permanent placement (like a fort) since the object is to get them together.
My two favorite genre is mail order bride and Amish. I love your books!
Thank you so much. I love writing them.
Such a fun and informative post. I had never heard of the church choosing a wife for a pastor. So interesting. I very much enjoy mail order bride stories. I haven’t read many matchmaker stories (other than grandmas or friends being the match maker. ?) And, like you, arranged marriages are not my favorite.
I believe my paternal grandparents marriage was arranged. Both from Norway my grandfather had been here since childhood and my grandmother came over in 1922 and was married 2 years later. We could never find any wedding photo’s.
Depending on when and where, a lot of people during the 20’s and 30’s didn’t bother with fancy weddings b/c of the poor economy. I imagine there were a lot that never got wedding photos.
I don’t know if any arranged marriages in my ancestry
That’s probably lucky for the men/women in your family history who at least knew their partner first.
Welcome again Nancy! I’ve read a few of your books recently. Daisy and Adelia. I enjoy MOB (That looks dastardly! LOL) books. I enjoy the funny ones. Where the man is flabbergasted by the beauty and/or the heroine is a clutz! Have you wrote any of these? Tell me please. I don’t mind a villain in the stories, but I love the humor. I also like when the bride switches with another(like a maid/friend or on the train west, etc) and end up with a tough independent woman who was a tomboy growing up and can beat a man in most things! My father was always telling me I could do anything my brothers could do. I’m like you, I am not into weak minded men or women. Or plays the victim. I was kinda of a clutz growing up. I’ve been in some funny situations! And laughter is good for the soul! You can also point me to one of your most humorous books please! I love them!
Tracy, my very first mail-order bride, Seth’s Secretive Bride, was a mix-up. The man was expecting someone older (late 30s) and got a young, and very beautiful woman. Flabbergasted wasn’t the only thing he was.
I haven’t done any real klutz’s, but I have done those who were expected to cook and clean and didn’t know how to do either. Both Abigail and Corrine (runaway heiresses). They basically faked it until they were taught to make it.
It’s not a mail-order bride book but I’ve been told my book, Jambalaya by Jesse (set in New Orleans, late 1800s) is very funny. Crazy cajuns meet uppercrust Boston lawyer funny.
I love reading mail order bride stories. I have read many of them dealing with all kinds of situations for the bride to get married. My favorite ones are when the bride refuses to marry the one her parents have picked out for her and sneaks away out west to marry a very little known man. I can’t think of a situation that I have not read about already, although I’m sure there are lots for a creative mind. I’ll just enjoy what you and my other favorite writers come up with.
Thank you, Connie Lee. It sometimes seems like there are no new plots, but I have a few unique ones coming up, so please stay tuned.
Hey Nancy, great family history! Thanks for sharing! Would truly enjoy reading some of your books so please enter me in the drawing.
Thank you, Lynn, and good luck.
I enjoy reading mail-order brides stories, especially those with children. I’ve heard about ministers having to marry, but have not read any.
I have one coming up in early 2025. It’s part of a personal series. I do love including children in most of my books. Sometimes, it’s not possible given the series itself, but I do squeeze them in when I can.
I didn’t know about church arranged marriages. I enjoy reading mail order bride stories and stories like Mary Connealy writes where the woman accidentally gets trapped with the man and his sons during a freak blizzard so then they are forced to marry to protect her reputation.
Naomi, you’d probably LOVE the Trapped in… series. My book, Trapped in Santa Rosa is just one of 8 books in the series.
I believe I read a book where the church was going to arrange a marriage if the new preacher was still single by a given date, but I assumed that was creative license on the author’s part.
I do like to read MOB stories. It’s probably the subgenre of romance that I read the most.
MaryEllen, I’m sure if they tallied them by sub genre, MOBs would be the top premise. My most recent book, Adela’s Solemn Vow, was an arranged marriage to a banker who was being forced to marry by a certain date to keep from loosing his job. He was a real scoundrel though, so not suitable for my heroine.
Mail Order Bride books are some of my favorites. Thank you for sharing.
Barbara, you’re most welcome. I do love them too.
I enjoy mail order bride stories. Church arranged marriage is like mail order in some ways. It must be hard to find someone when they are so scattered.
Debra, a lot of it had to do with distance. Another reason was that in the mid-1800s, women married young, so most eligible young women were either married, or courting. It took a bit to find someone for a new preacher.
I enjoy reading mail order bride stories. I don’t think that is something I would do but you never know for sure what would happen to you in life. It maybe something you just didn’t have a choice in.
A lot of times the woman had no choice. More often in arranged marriages where money was the issue. I’m too stubborn to become a mail order bride, even if I were young enough.
I like to read about immigrant mail order bride since my ancestors were immigrants.
Becky, I haven’t done one of those yet. It’s definitely something to think about. And, technically, aren’t we all descendants of immigrants. Unless, of course, we’re native American.
Mail order bride stories are fascinating and intriguing. Thank you for your lovely photos and interesting background story. I enjoy reading the real stories such as yours.
Ellie, you’re welcome. It took me years to unearth all the details. My mother, may she rest in peace, was very ellusive about her family history. I knew my grandfather was a minister, I knew who my grandmother was, even though they both died before I was born. I met my cousins and aunts, but nobody really talked about things. It wasn’t until after my mother’s death that I started unearthing the stuff she didn’t tell me.
What a wonderful and interesting background you have. Writing about something your family knows is special as it is compelling. Mail order brides are stories filled with sometimes inspiration and other times tragedy.
Laini, yes, not all turned out for the better. That was one of the reasons when I created the fake “help wanted’ advertisement for the book, I also included the man who was looking for a woman to cook and clean for him and his many children. I thought it was a nice contrast to my hero, the college professor in Washington.
Wow! I remember hearing of the church matches before, but had forgotten about them. That would be a fun story to read. Learning your lineage must have been something special! Thanks for sharing!
Kathy, long and tedious, but very rewarding. Very little was known about the church matches, possibly because they didn’t happen that often, and the church didn’t want anyone to think their minister was unable to find his own wife.
I personally love a good marriage of convenience! However, mail order brides are a really close second!! I’ve read mail order brides, matchmakers, and arranged marriages, and loved them all! Honestly, I’ve never read one where a church picked a minister’s bride, though I have read some where the minister was single and some of the ladies tried to make a match for him, but he ended up picking his own bride.
Trudy, yes, I love marriages of convenience too. Especially the ones where they swear it’s in name only and that they’ll never be together. Yeah, like that’s going to happen in a romance.
I love to read about mail order brides/husband stories. Some of the above I have not heard of. Some I have. I have not heard of the church one. That is interesting. Thanks for sharing a bit about your own history. That is so cool.
Lori, we just did the Rejected Mail-Order Bride series (my book, Adela’s Solemn Vow, was the last in the 11 books series. Next year, we’re doing a Rejected Goom series. That should be fun. You’re welcome on the sharing, it was nice to get it all out on paper for a change.
interesting info
Thank you.
Love mail order bride books. I love the “history” behind the stories. Can’t wait to read yours!!
I love reading about Mail Order brides. The history behind them is so interesting. Can’t wait to read yours.
Rhonda, I love all sorts of clean historical westerns but there’s just something about a mail-order bride that gets to me.
Thank you for sharing your wonderful family history. I have not read very many Mail Order Bride stories. I have seen a view TV movies. I really enjoyed the stories where the bride has a hard time getting comfortable with the husband to be. Thank you for this opportunity to be the recipient of your book.
Becki, you’re welcome. It was a fun post to write. Best of luck in the drawing.
Wow! What an interesting post, I love reading mail order bride books and I never would have thought there were different types of mail order brides. Thank you for sharing this and your family’s history 🙂
Laura, thank you. I probably even missed a few. The “escaping bride” is an offshoot, where the women is running away and feels her only way to be safe is to marry and change her name.
Mail order brides or brides from any means: Being forced to marry someone due to money/ enlarging one’s portfolio is very distasteful to me. When I have read this type of book before, I rejoice when the would-be bride sneaks away to freedom!
Being a mail order bride is not for me. I do not wish to buy a pig in a poke. I want to see the person first, get to know this person’s personality and ambitions, and just be at ease with the possible future for me. Call it selfish or whatever you want, I am NOT the mail order (or any kind of order) type. I need to pick and choose for myself. GOD bless these women who were strong enough to endure their fate, and fate is what it was.
Judy, agreed. I couldn’t have done it. For some it may have been their way out from under a controlling family. Most didn’t go into it with any expectation of true love. Those that found it were blessed.
I am about the same age as my father’s cousin, so understand the long generations! Delightful family history and wonderful stories.
Elisa, yes, long generations are fun to explore. And how virile those men must have been to father children in the fifties and sixties. I have a cousin who is only 2 weeks older than my first born. My uncle was sixty-six when the cousin was born, and his wife was forty-two.
I enjoy reading mail order bride books. I remember my neighbor(one year older than me) saying to me that he should just get a mail order bride because all the girls out their just wanted him for his money. I don’t think he actually did, I think he was joking and just frustrated. Thank you for sharing today, it was interesting!
Joanne, you’re welcome. My oldest grandson keeps spouting mail-order bride, as long as she’s rich and will allow him to be a trophy husband. Thankfully, he’s joking. (I hope!)
Mail order brides fascinate me. It seems so strange a thing to do, but then when you think about internet dating today, its not as strange as we think. Sure, internet dating doesn’t immediately lead to a marriage, but it’s also not far off from putting an ad in a paper for a wife. Thanks for sharing about all this, it was fascinating to read!
Megan, you’re welcome. I wouldn’t do internet dating any more than I would have answered an ad. However, I’m well past caring about getting married.
I’m not a fan of arranged marriages either, but I do enjoy a good mail-order bride story. I think my favorite kind are the ones where the man & woman have a little time to write & at least know a little about one another, but then they have to marry right away (because the man lives far from town & doesn’t come in very often, or something similar). Then they slowly… or quickly 😉 … get to know each other & fall in love. It would have been a scary thing for a girl to go off to marry a man she doesn’t know, or knows only on paper, but if you were both sure of God’s direction, it could be a beautiful, adventurous, exciting journey towards falling in love!
Lori, I did something similar in my short novella, Daisy, part of the Garden Belles Mail-Order Bride mini-series. My hero was scheduled to marry on my heroine’s best friend (a doctor), who got a chance on a big career changer (at least at that time in history). So, Daisy took her place. She did get to read all of the hero’s letters to the original bride-to-be, so she knew more about him and his handicapped son, than he knew about her.
It was a get-off-the-stage and straight to the church wedding. Along with a hero who was convinced he could do a “name only” marriage since he was excepting a replacement bride. LOL
Very interesting article and had no idea about the church Marriages. I have to say MOB are one of my favorites to read and I’ve read many and loved them all. What adventure and journey it must be to agree to be a MOB.
Sandy, thank you. It was fun to write. I’m not sure I would have wanted that ‘adventure’, but these women were either brave or desperate (most to escape their current situation).
I enjoy reading mail order bride stories. I find it rather scary myself, but they make very interesting stories.
Sharon, I think it speaks to a woman’s strength and resilience that she would make that step willingly.
I think it took a lot of courage to be a mail order bride. I am not sure if there has been a book written with a female doctor becoming a mail order bride. Thank you so much for sharing. God bless you.
Debra, I had a female doctor about to become a mail-order bride but then she got a career opportunity and backed out. That’s the closest I’ve come. It’s not a bad idea though. My third book in my new personal series slated for next year has a woman doctor. Maybe… just maybe… I’ll tweek the plot.
I have read quite a few mail order brides books,I really enjoy them!
I Love reading mail order brides they are so amazing to get to go travel and the interesting part is when the couple meet for the first time Your book sounds amazing Can’t wait to get to read this one Have a Blessed Weekend!
I liked the information you wrote about the mail order brides. I love reading stories about the mail order brides.
The mail order bride trope is one of my favorite historical tropes. I can’t the courage it would take these women to take such a major step. I think it is really interesting when a family member, such as a parent or sibling, seeks a bride on behalf of their family member.
I love reading mail-order bride books, that trope along with marriage of convenience are what I read when I don’t know what I want to read. 🙂
Hi Nancy, I love reading about mail-order brides also. How about one for a outlaw turned saloon owner???
The West is a rough place to find a bride that can endure all the things women had to put up with, along with the harsh winters & etc.
Thanks for the interesting post, I have never heard of the church marriage. I enjoy reading mail order bride books.
I like mail order bride stories. Thanks for the peek into history and for sharing some of your family history.
Mail order brides are favorite stories. One scenario I haven’t read in fiction has been about arranged marriages that did not turn out well – abuse, treating them like slaves, putting them into prostitution. I have read several nonfiction books on mail-order brides and things did not always turn out well. Of course your stories need an HEA, so the brides would have to rescued from her situation by a worthy hero. It could be that there was no original marriage or a fake one, or the “groom” never bothered to pretend to marry her and just put her to work. I think there were even cases where someone would order two brides, one each from different agencies. Women in these situations tended to not have the resources to to leave. It would be interesting to see how a rescue from these situations would be handled.
I hope this gets through this time. We have been having phone, TV, and internet outages off and on for the past 2 weeks. So frustrating.
I enjoy reading about mail order brides.
A pregnant MOB – fiancé died
Young woman with siblings needs money to survive
Young woman escaping a man she doesn’t want to be involved with
Harvey Girl looking for love
Young woman whose parent’s died and she has no supportive family
Young woman looking for change and a good life out west
Brother of man waiting for MOB ends up marrying her either because brother didn’t want her or other brother was attracted to her and vice versa