One of the strangest customs that was pretty common in the 19th century and earlier was a married woman referring to her husband as Mister and whatever their last name was. I just think it’s so odd and kind of funny in a way. It makes it sound like they’re not even married and maybe complete strangers.
My grandmother used to call her husband Mr. Smith like they weren’t even acquainted.
But my grandpa always called my grandmother by her first name which was Becky and didn’t say Mrs. Smith. It seems it was only the women who did this.
Another thing had to do with sending any mail to my grandmother. It had to be addressed as Mrs. Robert Smith, not by her name. It almost seemed like an ownership thing and she wasn’t her own person, not like today.
I still have an elderly cousin who always wants Mrs. Ed Langley on every piece of mail I send her even though he’s been dead for over ten years. Somehow, she’s still unable to claim her own identity. I think that’s really sad.
Yet, when I try to write this into one of my stories, it makes it seem they’re strangers, so I give up and change it so the reader will know who I’m talking about.
These days, we have a fast-paced, very casual lifestyle and wives always use their husband’s first names when they speak to them and it seems more natural.
One of my pet peeves is that I do not like is a man referring to his wife as his “old lady or old broad.” And the wife saying, “My old man.” Just sounds awful disrespectful, but maybe that’s just me. Or when they call each other Ma and Pa.
My parents always used their first names when speaking to each other.
Now for book news. The McIntyre complete series is out now, and I think doing pretty well as far as I can tell. It has its own series page on Amazon.
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The McIntyre siblings are on a quest to reunite their fractured family no matter the cost. As they search, each also finds a love that cannot be denied.
How about you? Have you ever heard women of the older generations calling their husbands Mr. so and so? I’ll give a copy of Book 1 in this series – Cade’s Quest – to one commenter. (Either ebook or print)
My mother-in-law referred to her husband as “Daddy” when talking about him in his absence. I don’t recall if she called him “Ed” to his face or not. My parents called each other by their first names. Pretty much the only place I’ve seen husbands referred to as “Mr. _____” by their wives is in historical fiction, never in person.
Mary, thank you for coming. I wonder why women did this? Were they feel insecure in their role of wife and beneath their husbands? It was an odd custom. I’m glad you enjoyed my post.
No one in my family did that, but my husband’s grandma’s name was listed on the checkbook as Mrs. (Grandpa’s Name) and she signed the checks that way. Which made sense, I guess, since women couldn’t always have things in their name.
My own mom had a credit card as Mrs. My Dad’s Name, and she was denied using it because it didn’t match her license ( early 1980s). She got that fixed quickly.
Denise, I guess that’s the reason why. For the longest, women couldn’t have anything in their own name. They were nothing and had no rights without their husband’s approval. But now, I’m wondering what unmarried women did. I guess they had to go under their father’s name? This is a strange thing, especially even after their husbands died, like my cousin. But the credit card company denied your mom and made her use her first name and that’s good. I love these things that get my mind whirling. Have a blessed day.
My mom signed our elementary grade school report cards with “Mrs. stepdad’s first/last name”. This was in the 1960s. I recall some of my grandparents calling each other by different versions of mom/dad, too.
Karen J, I’m glad to see you. Yes, this continued so late into the 1900s. And like my cousin, even today in 2026! She still uses the Mrs. E. Langley. Just odd. My grandmother used the Mr. for her husband. But he either called her Ma or by her first name. Women were owned by their husbands. Anyway, it’s a curious thing. I hope you have a blessed day.
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Thank you for coming, BN100.
I recall my mom signing her checks Mrs. (husband’s name). On the Walton’s show I remember Corabeth, Ike Godsey’s wife, would always call him Mr. Godsey when talking about him.
That’s true, Connie Lee. Now that you mention it, Corabeth did always call him Mr. Godsey. I remember one episode shortly after they married and Ike told her to call him by his first name but she refused. 🙂 Thank you for coming and joining the conversation.
It has been a long time but I have heard someone refer to their husband as Mr. I was always taught the correct way to address correspondence to a married lady was by Mrs. Robert Smith for example. To me it was showing that she was proud of her husband not taking away anything from her.
I guess it’s how you look at it, Sarah. Maybe it was pride in the husband and not an ownership kind of thing. Thank you for showing me a different way of looking at it. Thank you for coming.
Good morning Linda! I guess my grandparents were pretty modern, or it just didn’t happen during my lifetime. Maybe my Mother’s. I think Grandma Tom was pretty independent and thus my mother was. I think we all wrote our Names as Mrs(husband’s names) for when we were getting married. Just to see what it looked like because we were excited! I know my mother did and so did I! Ha! But, no. We signed our names on checks, etc, and not Mrs. Funny on the “old woman”. My husband use to tease me with that nickname when we were young. My response was I couldn’t wait until I was old and then he could change it to “young woman”. He got out of that. Most of the time over the years it was “dear”. The few times I have ever heard him say my name is,”My wife, Tracy.” He doesn’t call me by my name. Now, since he has retired it is “my sweet honey” or “honey bunch” LOL My, how time changed!
I loved your series Linda! Best wishes on these and those that follow!
Good morning, Miss Tracy! Love seeing your name pop up. I wonder why it’s so hard for some men to use their wife’s first name. Glad your hubby stopped saying “old woman.” Not funny. Much better to say “Honey bunch.” I don’t know why this subject intrigued me so much. 🙂 One thing about P&P, you never know what will pop up next and maybe that’s the secret to us lasting nineteen years.
Thank you for the wishes for The McIntyre series! I hope readers find something intriguing with each book. Blessing and love.
I know of some who did that, though it seems like most of the time it was if they were talking about their spouse to someone else. When I was little, my parents would refer to each other as Mama or Daddy, until my sisters and I were older, then they used their first names. My oldest sister tried calling Mom or Daddy by their first name since she thought it was okay since they were calling each other by name. I have an old church recipe book, and some of the women who put recipes in there used “Mrs. (his name) last name” as to who did it. Later ones, though, those same women put just their first and last name. I had an uncle who always referred to his wife as “sister” which drove me nuts!
Trudy, that’s funny about your uncle! And it’s a new one on me. I’ve never heard a man call his wife “sister.” Wow, wonder why. I bet your sister got in big trouble for calling your mom and dad by their first name. But kids copy what their parents say. The granddaughter of a writer friend always called her grandfather by his first name and still does to this day. People always thought that was funny and maybe the reason why was because they never corrected her. Thanks for coming and have a beautiful day.
I work in a university registrar’s office, and we have old records that we are digitizing. It’s always funny to try to explain to student employees about how married women used to insist on being called Mrs. Robert Smith instead of by their own name. My guess is back in the days when most women worked only at home, that much of their identity and pride came from being wife to a man who did such-and-such. I think that was why there was such a stigma on being unmarried. A spinster didn’t have the respect of society that a husband brought. Some women of past generations would be insulted if you didn’t call them by their husband’s name. It was like stripping them of their pride.
I’m thankful that women are valued as themselves these days. While I’m very proud to be Mrs. Wes Witemeyer, because I love my husband and am proud of the man he is, and don’t mind being called that on occasion, I’m also glad that my self-worth is not tied up in who he is and what he has accomplished.
Karen, I think you might be right in that it was a source of pride in their husbands and not an ownership kind of thing. I agree spinsters had it rough and lots of stigmas were attached. They had no one to claim them so I think they always felt a bit like discards. You were nothing unless you had a man thus that was the main focus of girls back in the day. Boy, am I glad that’s changed! Yet….sometimes even now a few nurses in doctor’s offices call me Miz Broday when it’s my turn to go back.
Like you, I’m thankful women are valued as themselves and treated as individuals these days. That’s quite an improvement. I’ve made this life by myself and am darn proud of my accomplishments. Blessings and love, Filly Sister.
Growing up I remember a neighbor referring to her husband as Mr. McCall. Annie and Riley were ranchers well into their 80’s at the time. He always called her Annie. A relative never failed to refer to her deceased husband as Mr.___. Mom called Dad by his first name and signed checks with her name not Mrs._____. Dad, for a reason no one ever knew, called Mom “Butch” though her name was Lou. The name never fit. Mom was a professional pianist – during World War II she had a well-known band that played in St. Louis hotels.
Carol, how odd for your dad to call your mom “Butch.” Wow! And for her to be so well-known as a professional…it just doesn’t fit. Maybe it was a running joke known only to them from their courting days. Thank you for coming and joining the discussion.
Recognizing one’s spouse with any pet name is what we do. Usually, either one of us will call the other “babe” or my husband will say “Baby Doll” and we are in our 80’s!! In my way of thinking, it does not matter what one calls their spouse, as long as it is with love and respect. I abhor the terms “old man” or “old lady”. Once we were visiting with some other couples and the youngest among us called his wife “old lady” right in front of her and I immediately jumped on him for being so disrespectful. They were from West Virginia, so it must have been a local thing. No matter, I do not like it!!
Judy, I understand the pet name thing and that seems natural and very sweet. Good for you for jumping on that young man for calling his wife “old lady.” She deserves better. It’s very disrespectful to me too. I’m glad you stopped by and so thankful we got our site fixed. Have a blessed day.
I guess it goes back to coverture in Common Law and how married women’s property rights were immediately transferred to the husband upon marriage so all documents were in the man’s name (unless she came from a wealthy family who had foresight to put her assets in a trust). I think as a society we were used to seeing married couples as a legal unit although we didn’t realize that’s how we understood it. In 1974 the law changed so any woman could establish her own credit. Not sure why some women refer to their husband in a formal way though.
I remember when I typed at work we always put Mr. & Mrs. John Smith instead of Mrs. Paula Smith or worse yet, Paula Smith, because not acknowledging the man’s name was considered disrespectful.
You might be right, Rachel. To me, it sort of feels like women were treated as chattel and were owned by the men. All down through history, women were beneath men and those spinsters were treated badly all because they had no man. Although I think it’s going backward, thank goodness, women have acquired some equality now at least. Thank you for coming and sharing your thoughts.
I have a friend that always says “my husband” and never says his name. I didn’t know what his first name was for a long time
That’s funny, Joye. I wonder why it’s so hard for your friend. Very odd these days. It’s always great to see you. Thank you for your support of us here at P&P.
No, I’ve never heard anyone calling their husbands Mr. so and so.
It was pretty common over here, Minna. Maybe it was just an American thing. I hope you’re doing well. It’s always so nice to see you.
I have never heard anyone call their husbands Mr. they always called them by their name. My grandmother always call here husband by his nick name which was Sprout and I really didn’t know what his real name was, because we always called him papaw.
Quilt Lady, great to see you. That’s funny to call your grandpa Sprout. It’s an odd nickname. Yeah, kids call their grandparents different things. I had a friend once whose little granddaughter called her Lovey. And then added more– Lovey Dovey. I always thought that was sweet. Thank you for coming by, my dear.
I can’t recall hearing anyone refer to their husband as Mr. but I have seen it several times in old westerns.
Rhonda, yes they did in western movies a lot. Thank you for coming. Blessings and love.
No.
Glad you stopped by, Bridgette.
Interesting! Never heard this before. Please enter my name in your drawing ?
Of course, Lynn. Every commenter is entered. Thank you for coming to read my post.
Don’t recall hearing that but I do remember all the other farm ladies calling my grandpa Mister.
Jackie, that was a form of respect. People back in the day called each other Mister as a form of respect. But I just think it’s weird for a wife to call her husband that. Thanks for coming by.
I don’t think I ever heard anyone refer to their husband as Mister, but my memory isn’t what it used to be either.
Joannie, that’s okay. Thank you for reading my post and leaving a comment.
This was always so funny to me. My grandmother was the sweetest, most God loving, church going person in the world. Never had a bad word to say about anyone, never used any off-color words or swore in her life…but…She called my grandfather by his name, Wallace, when speaking directly to him. When referring to him when speaking with others, she called him the ‘old fart’, even in his presence! It was always so surprising to hear those words come from her! And yes, she went by Mrs Wallace —-. Wonderful memories!
Please do not enter me in this giveaway as I am nearly finished with this series and I am loving this last book! Fantastic!
Nancy, that’s hilarious! Especially given that she was a good church-goer. I guess he didn’t mind. Thank you for the sweet words about Jess’s Reckoning. I’m so happy that it’s entertaining you. He and Abigail had a time. 🙂 I’m glad you stopped by to share.
Our kids in their teen years referred to their dad a few times as, “my old man,” and did I ever fly off the handle! Ha! I hate any references that seem disrespectful! And, I could never think of Ron as Mr Rader. Maybe in a teasing way I could.
The McIntyre Series was a wonderful series. Thank you again for continuing to write and bless your readers with excellent books. You are so dear to my heart Linda.
Dearest Kathy, I’m really glad you came by. No, I would never associate “old man” with Ron! I’m sure they learned their lesson.
Thank you so much for reading and liking each of The McIntyres. I’m humbled by the nice compliment. I hope you’re doing well and enjoying some travel on the east coast this year. Love and hugs.
I know when sending mail to my great aunt, I would address the envelope to her. Her husband had been deceased for a while. I was a youth at the time. No, I cannot think of anyone calling their husband Mr. except occasionally in fun. Thank you for the opportunity. God bless you.
Thank you for coming, Debra, and sharing your experience with this subject. I’m glad you enjoyed my post. My grandparents were funny. He was a moonshiner and spent time in jail. He was real short and she was very tall. They looked strange together. But I guess their relationship worked because they had 13 kids. Love and hugs.
Not Mr., but in the church both women and men refer to their spouses as Brother or Sister so and so when talking to others about them. I call my husband Pastor Bill or Brother Bill when I am talking about him, but I call him Honey when I am talking to him. I very rarely use his name. I do not feel diminished when I am referred to as Mrs. and my husband’s name. Not because I belong to him, but because we are one.
Thank you so much for sharing your opinion, Elaine. Yes, in some marriages, the husband and wife are truly one. Not all though. When I small, we went to a church where everyone was Brother or Sister, even the pastor. I really liked him. Glad you stopped by.
My mom and dad always referred to each other as Ma and Dad. Once in awhile they would call each other by their names. I never heard my mom or grandmas call their spouse mister.
Deb, this is interesting. It was pretty common to hear spouses call each other Ma and Pa. I’m thankful to you for stopping by to share with us. Have a lovely rest of your day.
My aunt used to refer her husband as dad no matter who she was talking to.
Karijean, I’m so glad you came by. Your aunt’s use of Dad seems a little strange to me seeing as how her hubby was not her dad but people used all kinds of names for their spouses. Thank you for sharing.
I don’t recall ever hearing anyone say Mr. to their husband in my family Have a Blessed Day!
Okay, thank you for coming, Sarah. I hope you have a blessed day also.
I have heard several women in this area call their husbands “Mr. So&So” and can’t really remember if I heard it anywhere else we have lived. The same goes for referring to each other as Ma and Pa. That seems to be a bit more prevalent.
As for having my mail addressed to Mrs. John Barraclough, shortly after getting married I was told I had to have my mail addressed that way or it wouldn’t be delivered. I did so for quite a long time. I never questioned it much, but did think it was odd. To my mind, this and addressing a wife as Mrs. is just another way to assert male dominance. I can understand your Aunt wanting to still have her mail sent to Mrs. Ed Langley. It keeps a link to him (someone she loved), and if anyone is snooping around, it could be an indication that she is not living alone.
Calling a spouse (or anyone) the “old lady or old broad” or “My old man” just sounds so disrespectful. I have heard it in many areas over the years, and again, it sounds so disrespectful.
Congratulations on the series being finished. It is on my wish list. I just haven’t gotten around to ordering any books lately. If only I could order more time to read. Take good care of yourself.
I have heard some really elderly women at church refer to their husbands that way. I do admit it that it sounded rather odd to me.
I have not heard of this. But I do have a friend who refers to his wife as Mrs.
Yes, I have heard it but not recently.
Linda, this brought back a fun memory for me. My dad used to always lean back in his chair after supper and look at my mom and say, “Mighty good, Mrs. Moss!” I have seen this on movies–I think in Gone With the Wind some of the ladies did that when talking about their husbands. And I’m assuming that my parents’ parents generation probably did this some, just as a general way of showing respect for their husbands, and the husbands must have done it too for the same reason. Interesting!
No, I didn’t.
Hi Linda, I already have this book & the other, McIntyres books 1 and 2. They were Awesome!!!
Yes, I have heard my grandparents called each other, Mother and Father. Seemed weird to me, but; it worked for them.