With Valentine’s Day approaching, I’ve been leafing through some of my favorite research books. The kind you don’t just read, but linger over. I have some filled with old songs, poetry, and bits of folk wisdom that reveal how romance was viewed, hoped for, and sometimes warned against in earlier generations. What struck me most wasn’t just how much love mattered, but how playful, imaginative, and practical people were about it.
For young women especially, the future held many questions, and romance was often wrapped in ritual and rhyme. Folk traditions promised glimpses of one’s future spouse through everyday objects and moments: dreaming after tucking something beneath a pillow, watching the moon, or tossing a shoe and peering into a mirror. Yeah, I know, if any of us did this today people would think were were nuts! But back in the day, these weren’t solemn rites. They were playful, shared experiences. Things girls might do together, laughing even as they hoped. Love was treated as something worth wondering about, even if the answers came wrapped in superstition.
Apples show up again and again in love lore. A warmed apple shared, a peel tossed just so, seeds named and flung or balanced. All were said to reveal who loved you best or whom you might marry. There’s something wonderfully domestic about this kind of romance. Love wasn’t separate from daily life; it lived right there in the kitchen, in the orchard, in the small rituals of ordinary days.
Dreams, too, were believed to hold answers. Simple rhymes recited before sleep promised visions of the one a girl might someday wed. Whether or not anyone truly believed these things worked, the hope behind them feels very real. Even wedding dresses came with their own rhyming warnings. Colors carried meanings, some hopeful, some grimly humorous. The verses read today as blunt and a bit funny, but they reflect how seriously marriage was taken. Choosing a spouse wasn’t just about love; it was about survival, stability, and reputation.
And of course, not all romance was encouraged. One lively folk song serves as a cautionary tale, warning young women to be wary of charming men who smoke, drink, gamble, and swear eternal devotion a bit too easily. Sung with humor, it nonetheless carries a clear message: pay attention to actions, not just words.
They smoke, they chew, they wear fine shoes, beware, oh take care!
And in their pocket is a bottle of booze, beware, oh take care!
Around their neck they wear a guard, beware, oh take care!
And in their pocket is a deck of cards, beware, or take care!
They put their hands up to their hearts, they sigh, oh they sigh;
They say they love no one but you, they lie, oh they lie!
Romance, it seems, came with a healthy dose of skepticism.
Tucked among the rhymes and songs is my favorite piece of all: a bit of real-life advice passed from a father to his daughter in the early twentieth century. He cautioned her not to rush into marriage before truly knowing whom she loved. She listened. And decades later, she credited that patience with a long, happy marriage. After all the folklore and fun, that quiet wisdom lands with the most weight.
These songs, poems, and old wives’ tales remind me why historical romance works so well. Love wasn’t abstract. It was personal, practical, hopeful, and sometimes hilarious. People flirted, worried, dreamed, warned one another, and held fast to the idea that true love was worth waiting for.
As we await the arrival of Valentine’s Day, I find it comforting to know that long before chocolates and cards, people were still wondering who they would love, how to recognize the right one, and how to guard their hearts along the way.
Some things, it seems, never change.
Many of us grew up hearing bits of advice about love. Some wise, some funny, some questionable. What’s one piece of romantic advice you were given that you’ve never forgotten?
I don’t remember hearing that kind of advice from friends or family.
But I loved reading fairy tales with their happily-ever-afters.
Me too! Though my dad was good at offering advice.
Wait for marriage (follow God’s laws).
The best advice Mary, overall!
Never go to bed angry with each other.
Excellent advice, Karijean!
that the heart will lead you to the one that is intended for you – WHEN the right one comes along and you cannot wait until the next time you will be together – what I told all of my kids as well!
Great advice Teresa!
Always keep communication open
Not always easy for a lot of couples. But darn good advice, Barbara!
I was told to watch out. that all men want one thing.
Ah yes, I got that from my mom. I think most of us did, Debra.
Very interesting post. One piece of advice was given by a Sunday School teacher. She said don’t date anyone you wouldn’t want to marry. Once you decide you wouldn’t want to marry them, stop dating them.
Wise advice, Susan. I used to tell my kids don’t date until you’re ready to mate. As in get married. Otherwise, what’s the point? Go out and have fun and do things with your friends until that time.
Thank you, Kit. I enjoyed this blog. I grew up in the Appalachian Mountains, where lots of folklore played a part in everyday life. Things like apple peels, how floors were swept, four-leaf clovers, when washwater was thrown out, knocking on wood, and a dog howling outside all had meaning for romance and marriage.
Do tell? I’ve love to know what some of those sayings were! I’ll have to research that, Janice!
You can fall in love with a rich man as easy as you can a poor man.
I’ve heard that one, Nancy.
I remember peeling an apple and if it came off in one strip, you would then sling it around in a circle over your head three times, let it go and if it formed a letter, that would be the first letter of the man you would marry. lol Also, if you put a piece of someone’s wedding cake under your pillow (in a box of course) you would dream about the man you would marry.
One of my high school teachers told us “never date someone you would not marry”. Good advice!
Yes, very good advice. And when it comes to apple peels… hmmm, I would think there are only so many letters an apple peel can make! There goes anyone’s name that starts with T, Z, and others!
I never really got any advice, except for the nuns warning us that all boys/men were to be avoided. My dad was trying to marry me off early on. He didn’t care who or what kind of person he was, he just wanted to clip my wings. It was so difficult for him to have to put up with an independent, opinionated daughter who was accomplishing something. I found the perfect one on my own (or rather we found each other), thank you very much.
About the previous comment on apple peels, I do remember an old wives’ tale that you could turn the stem of an apple saying a letter of the alphabet in order with each turn. The letter the stem came off on would be the first letter in the name of the man you would marry.
Thank you for a fun post.
Good for you, Patricia! And you even found your guy, or as you say, you found each other! And gosh, I remember the apple stem thing. My sisters and I used to do that one!
A man shows you he loves you by his actions.
I’ve heard that one too, Alicia. Along with, watch for persistence and consistency in a man!