Coffee Shops and Making Friends

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When my bestie moved to Lexington, Kentucky a few years ago after living in the Chicago area for nearly 20 years we talked about how hard it is to make new friends now that our children are grown. (Yet another reason why I hate moving. I have nightmares about being the ‘new kid.’) When our boys were young it was easier. Our friends were parents of our children’s teammates, other band/choir/dance/insert your child’s activity.

So how can we make friends when we don’t have those child center friendship pools to draw on? Work and church come to mind. But so many of us work from home now. Or, what if you are a manager, and socializing with those you supervise is awkward? What if you’re retired? What if you can’t find a church you’re comfortable with?

The other day another friend shared Mel Robbins’ video “The ‘Coffee Shop Friendship Theory’ Will Change Your Life” with me. Here’s my quick summary, but if you’d rather watch the short video, click here. Robbins claims coffee shops are a great place to make friends, but there are four types which have people with different interests who frequent them. The first being chains, she says aren’t a good place to find friends. (Ironic note—I met Val met because I write in Starbucks Monday through Friday mornings. ?) The next type, “first responders” shops are frequented by town natives and community volunteers. Third is the “local coffee” shop where moms go before work or after dropping kids off at school. The last is the “high end” type which is fancy schmancy. After determining which type suits you, Robbins suggests going to a coffee shop for an hour multiple times during the week and once on the weekends. I recommend going around the same time each day for a while as people tend to come into the shop around the same time. If you don’t connect with someone then try a different time of day.

However, in this video she doesn’t say how to form the connection but having been blessed to find friends from writing in coffee shops over the years here’s what I suggest. Smile and say hello. Get the door for someone whose hands are full. Chat while you’re waiting in line. Compliment someone. Be kind. But from the way y’all are around the corral every month, I’m sure you know that. That’s just the way you are and you always brighten my day.

For me, interacting with people in little ways and even if it doesn’t form a lasting friendship, improves my mood, makes the world a better place, and reminds me what’s important in life—the connections, even small fleeting one, we make. My hope is that we all discover as the Beatles say, “And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.”

 

GIVEAWAY:  To be entered in my random drawing for a $10 Starbucks gift card, tell me how you met your best friend.

 

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Julie Benson has written five novels for Harlequin American, and her Wishing, Texas series is available from Tule Publishing. Now that her three sons have left the nest in Dallas, when she isn't writing, Julie spends her time working on home improvement projects, rescuing dogs, and visiting Texas wineries with her husband. Visit her at www.juliebenson.net.

59 thoughts on “Coffee Shops and Making Friends”

    • Ami, I met so many friends at church who’ve since moved away, and as we’re not getting a lot of new members, I haven’t met many new folks. College was another great time for meeting friends. Thanks for being here today. Take care, stay safe, and happy fall. (Though it doesn’t feel like it here since we’re going to be over 100 again today!)

    • Denise, that’s exactly what I was talking about today. It was so easy to find friends when I had kids. I forgot about all the friends I made from my kids play group/preschool. BTW, how’s college going for your kiddo?

    • Deb, it’s amazing how many people met their bestie or their spouse at work. I think that was another reason why covid was so hard on everyone. It pulled us away from so much of our human contact. My goodness, for most of us we spend the majority of our waking hours at work. That’s another reason why it’s so important to enjoy what we do and the people we work with. If we don’t, it can make us miserable.

      Thanks for being here today. Have a great rest of the week and stay safe.

  4. At 74, I’m thinking a coffee shop, like Starbucks might not be the best place to make friends. I was at Barnes and Noble, which has a Starbucks inside. I got a cup of Java, sat there for a while and watched the folks come and go. No one interacted with each other, except for their phone, of which everyone had their face glued to. A coffee shop, too me, is one like the Paris Coffee Shop in Fort Worth. It’s old, serves great food and has a long counter where one can sit and drink coffee and shoot the bull with others. No one is on their social device; they are actually talking to each other. Making friends is not an easy thing these days.

    • Phil, Robbins who made the video I watched agreed with you. I’ve always gone a Starbucks more known for people in the neighborhood frequenting and hanging out for a bit. But there are a lot of ones like what you described and those definitely wouldn’t be good for trying to make friends. As Dorothy on the Wizard of Oz said, “My! People come and go so quickly here.” And they’re looking at their phones!

      Thanks for being here today and for telling me about the Paris Coffee Shop. It sounds wonderful. Now that is a place where a person could get to know other folks.

      Thank you for stopping by today to chat with me. Take care and have a great rest of the week.

  5. I have old and new friends. Moving to a new town is different. We moved from our hometown in 2002. I met one of my friends in our new neighborhood. When I saw her working in her yard across our road, my husband said we might have something in common. They eventually moved away, but we stay in contact on social media. I agree with Phil that people are more glued to their phones. Mostly it’s the younger generation from what I can tell as an observer. But, social media tagging isn’t all bad as you can still stay in touch with some friends.

    My best friend is my sister-in-law, Jan. We have known each other for almost 45 years now. But, I do have a childhood friend I reconnected with a few years ago. Just something about those early years being close friends, that it’s like you never were away from each other for 30 years and can reconnect so easily. It’s amazing.

    Thanks for posting Julie! Nice topic!

    • Tracy, social media has been great for reconnecting with people we lost touch with. But in a lot of ways it drives me crazy. I get so sick of everyone being glued to the phone. (And yes, I’ve been guilty of that, too.) I think when we do that we miss so many opportunities for friendship, to help someone, or to brighten their day because we’re unaware of what’s going on around us.

      Thank you for stopping by today. I’m glad you enjoyed the post. Take care.

    • Rhonda, that’s an interesting way to meet a best friend, but you left me with a bunch of questions. Why was she visiting a coworker? Were they friends? What does/did the coworker think of you two being besties? You’ve got my mind spinning conflict about a person being jealous of the friendship between the two people who just me.

      Have a great rest of the week. Thanks for being here today.

    • Janice, I know more people are meeting people that become significant in their lives online. My oldest met his fiance online. They’re getting married on September 16th. With watching all the planning and work it’s been arranging the wedding, I don’t know how mothers of brides cope with the stress. It about drove me crazy trying to find a dress.

      Thanks for being here. Take care, and happy fall. Now if the temperatures here will only match the season, I’ll be happy.

  8. I hate admitting this but I don’t have a best friend. I really don’t have friends. I’m very much a loner. If I needed someone for a ride to hospital or anything I don’t really have that someone.

    • Cathy, I’m so sorry, but am glad you stopped by to chat with everyone today. I hope my suggestions for finding friends helps. You might give the coffee shop a try. I’m not a coffee drinker, but a lot of shops have wonderful teas, too. I also find sometimes just getting out, even to simply window shop, helps keep me connected to people. Take care.

  9. I met my best friend at a coffeehouse during the hippie era of the 70’s. We got engaged two months later and married four months after that. Needless to say- we didn’t know each other very well and had quite an adjustment to being married! After 52 years, I’d say we adjusted well.

  10. I met my besties because our families all new each other, they are a wee bit older than me, but once I joined the ladies auxiliary of our Legion branch, when we started to socialize and the three of us have been besties for more than 40yrs. We laugh that we know more about each other than God does…

    • Kathleen, thanks for the smile. Those friends sound priceless and like the kind who’d get you out of a scrape. That is unless they were in it with you! My bestie and I now just say we’re family.

      Thanks for being here today. Take care and stay safe.

    • Teresa, I wish I’d done a better job keeping in touch with my high school friends. Soon after I left for college, my parents moved. That made it harder to keep in touch because I wasn’t going back “home” to visit them.

      Band moms are something special, aren’t they? All three of my boys were in band. All played brass instruments–one French horn, one trumpet, and one trombone. (I played French Horn. I switched from playing flute to that as a freshman in high school, but that’s a story for another day.) Life was so busy then, but I miss the days of watching my kids march at football games!

      Thanks for being here and taking me down memory lane about my Band Mom days.

  12. Since I was a teacher, retired now, I met my best friend teaching at the same school. We live in the same neighborhood and see each other frequently.

    • Ruth, I officially stopped substitute teaching this year, and the only thing I miss is the wonderful teachers that I worked with. It’s wonderful that you’ve been able to keep in contact with your friend.

      Thank you for being here today.

  13. Through our parents, we where just babies when we met and we are still like sisters right now. We spent our childhood staying at each others houses and its been that way every since. We still see each other on occasion and send birthday cards every year. We both live in different towns now but stay in touch.

    • How wonderful that you’ve been able to stay in contact all these years. My bestie and I met in college, but have stayed close in the 40+ years since. Thank you for stopping by today.

  15. First- In school, same class, and/or classmate living near me. Now – single neighbor women near me or within our community. My husband is not a mixer so I seek my friends outside the home by myself. He used to be, but his health conditions keep him house bound for most of the day. Our socializing together is in the grocery stores or some other store like Home Depot. The most interaction you have there is with the check out person.

    • Judy, that has to be so difficult for your husband and for you too since you enjoyed socializing together. I’m glad you’re able to stay connected with friends. My mother wouldn’t let my dad go anywhere without her, and thus, they both became isolated and then their relationship suffered.

      Thank you for being here. Both you and your husband take care.

  18. I met one of my best friends in high school. We were the only 2 girls in the Algebra class of boys. We felt like we had to stick together. We have been friends for a long time

    • Joye, trauma and being the outsider sure does form a bond, doesn’t it? I bet you did have to stick together to survive.

      Thank you for being here today. Take care and stay safe.

  19. Sandy has been my best friend for approximately 20 years. We met when one of the boy scouts fathers re-married. I went up to her and introduced myself and we had so much in common and so much we could learn from each other. Father and son lived about a block away from us. So we could walk to each others homes. We did so much together. Our daughter baby sat their three youngest children. We still have a strong friendship today. quilting dash lady at comcast dot net

    • Lori, what a wonderful story and an important lesson. So many people are afraid to reach out to someone knew. They have their little group and are content with that. And how wonderful that your daughter babysat for them. We had thee best babysitters, too, because they were children of our friends at church. Talk about a super recommendation!

  20. When I was in high school I met my best friend who was wonderful. Soon after though, she moved far away and I never did see her ever again. I moved much closer to her many years later and we have reconnected.

    • It’s hard to keep any relationship, friendship or romantic, going over a long distance. It’s easier now with facetime and texting, but it’s still not easy. How great that you’ve been able to reconnect. My bff and I have lived near each other since college, and yet whenever we get together it’s like we’ve never been apart.

  21. My best friend was my twin sister. God blessed me giving me a friend from birth. Yes, it is harder to make friends as you get older, but I find if you smile and find ways to be kind to others you just might make somebodies day a little bit less lonesome.

    • Sharon, I’d been trying to figure out how to say what you just did, but the words kept getting garbled. Thank you for this insightful comment. I think smiling, being open and caring go a long way to starting a friendship.

      Thank you for being here today. Take care.

  23. My best friend and I met 35 years ago as homeschooling moms. We still live in the same town and go to the movies and out to eat.

    • I miss those days when there was a ready made pool of friends because of my children’s activities. The key is to keep in touch like you have once the kids are grown.

      Thank you for stopping by to chat today.

  25. Making friends when I was younger was not difficult. I made very good friends at the pool, the park, and when I started to work. It was fun to get together. Now it is not the same. It is nearly impossible since people are too into tech devices and don’t talk. My best friends were in the neighborhood and we would bike together, or walk to the store.

    • Pearl, I know. It takes a lot more work now but don’t give up hope. I met one of my best friends a couple years ago in a coffee shop.

      Thank you for being here today. Take care.

  27. Hi! My best friend my husband of 55 years now, I met him at the gas station were he was working. They were having a special on new tires & while he was putting them on we began talking. He’s still the best man in my life.

  28. I was born to my best friend. She was my Mom. She passed away in January. Thank you so much for sharing. God bless you.

  29. My best friend and I met at the end of our 10th grade year in high school. We currently live too far apart to see each other on a regular basis but we talk on the phone and send frequent text messages to keep in touch. Thanks for the chance to win a prize.

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