A while back, I wrote a blog piece about the test of marriage being working with your spouse painting a small bathroom with lots of nooks and crannies with two short paint rollers. Hubby and I did that one time, and after only a few minutes, both of us had decided that would be the last time for such a project. There is such a thing as too much togetherness—especially with two strong-minded people in a small space.
Maybe my memory has faded, but I think this last “together” project beats that bathroom painting one as far as testing our marriage—and we are coming up on 43 years in February, y’all.
To start with, I am a sentimental “keeper”—Gary is NOT. I don’t think he has a sentimental bone in his body, but I get it—a lot of men are like that. That is where this tale of woe begins—with TOO MUCH STUFF. Even I had to admit it, finally.
Two days before Christmas I walked out into the garage to see the ceiling bowing over our cars! We quickly called our “go-to” handyman and he came and took a look. It was serious—one of the main beams had had a knot in it that, over the years, had fallen out and weakened the beam. With all the weight on the flooring of the attic, it had cracked.
Hurriedly, load after load of “stuff” was carried down to the front patio (think Sanford & Son!) and much was pulled out into the loft room in crates and boxes and bags. This has been ongoing since CHRISTMAS. One big trash day has come and gone, and when we put the first load of stuff out there, we had tons of people stopping by to take things. I was so glad. It’s hard to think of so many memories and keepsakes just being crushed in the trash truck and dumped.
To be fair, I had “inherited” a lot of that “stuff” and wasn’t even sure what was in those crates and boxes. When my mom had a stroke and went into the nursing home, then shortly she and Dad moved in with my middle sister, Karen, I inherited a lot of the family keepsakes, as did my two sisters.
Then, when my oldest sister, Annette, had a stroke that put her in a nursing home, again, we cleaned out and I inherited a lot of her keepsakes plus what had come from my parents’ home. I, of course, kept all kinds of keepsakes of my own and my kids’. (If there was a picture they drew or a story they wrote or a toy they had played with a lot—it was in that attic.)
I had to face some sad realities when I started looking through all these things:
First of all, I can’t “take it with me”—and I knew I couldn’t leave that mess for my kids to deal with.
Secondly, though I was initially upset about having to get rid of things that had, at one time, meant a great deal to me, I was surprised to discover that there were a lot of things I didn’t even remember now.
Thirdly—and this was kind of hard for me to grasp—so many of my treasures mean nothing to my kids because they don’t have the memories of them that I do. I found my son’s first little teddy bear and was so thrilled, but he had no memory of it at all. I asked if he wanted it and he stared at me and said, “Mom, what will I do with it?”
Don’t get me wrong—I’m not throwing out EVERYTHING. (I kept that teddy bear for myself, along with a few other treasures I can’t let go of.) But that attic is looking so much better, and has a new floor and some new supports—so it’s safe now.
The best part of it all is that other people are getting to use the things that had been sitting up there for years collecting dust. And I feel very “unburdened”—even though I had just been dreading getting rid of so much. That turned into a huge blessing! I have found it a lot easier than I ever believed I would.
Do you have an attic or a storage building or somewhere that you store keepsakes and treasures that you can’t bear to part with?
Who else is facing this? Please share your experiences! This is a huge undertaking, and there is strength in numbers. Are you sentimental like me or more logical and able to part with things?
(Um, did I mention that when I get done with the attic, I have a bedroom closet in the spare room to tackle?)
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I didn’t have any ceilings starting to give way, but I definitely had plenty of things in the shed. I had yarn and material, but the majority of the items belonged to my mom. She passed away almost 17 years ago. I felt like I needed to keep them. Well, last year I contacted my daughters and sent them pictures of what I had. When I went to visit, I took what they wanted with me. Needless to say, I definitely don’t need a shed as large as the one I have.
I had two HUGE clear plastic zippered-up bags of yard, knitting needles, crochet hooks and so on with so many half-started projects–some mine, some my daughter’s. Then there was the huge suitcase full of Raggedy Ann and Andy material, yard for the hair, and two half-made dolls…sigh. That was smart of you to send pics and just take the stuff to your daughters. So far, I have found FIVE CRATES (big plastic ones) of Transformers, Legos and so on that we loaded up and took to my son, and then when he was here helping us he found another one and took it. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!
What a great post! I got all of my mom’s music when she passed away, and I love it, but I don’t care for clutter and really love living simply, although I get attached to things, and don’t want to part with them. It’s a struggle! : )
Jessie, I have all of MY music from all those years of piano lessons, and then when I taught, and what I bought just for pleasure. Also the voice music my sisters had through their highschool and college days, and so many hymnals, on top of guitar learning books from when I taught. Oh, my gosh. I really do get attached to things, too, and have to keep reminding myself there is a limit because my kids are not going to care one little bit about most of this stuff.
This struggle is very real after taking 2 years to clean out the 2 houses on my dads property
Teresa, this is also why I don’t feel so terrible about cleaning it all out–#1 priority is keeping the house SAFE and not at “capacity” anywhere inside. But also, because when Annette and I cleaned out Mom and Dad’s house (both of them kept everything, being children of the Depression and growing up here in the Oklahoma Dust Bowl days) we were just at our wits’ end. At one point we just sat down and cried together. Then when she had a stroke and I had to go clean out her storage unit where everything had been taken, again, I was reminded of why I didn’t want to ever leave such a mess for my kids to deal with. It’s very hard, isn’t it?
I think at a certain point in our lives, we all go through this struggle. What to keep, what to discard. It can get mind numbing at times.
Ann, you are so right–I feel like I have a very numbed mind. I opened up a crate of my son’s baby things this morning and took a couple of small things out and put the lid back on it to donate. A lot of this stuff will go out to the curb on Big Trash Day in February, but there are a lot of people who stop by and see what’s out there and load it up before the trash truck ever comes. I was shocked at myself for not wanting to fondle everything of my son’s in that baby crate–really proud of myself for being strong. LOL
Oh I feel this! I am very sentimental and have inherited quite a bit. When we moved four years ago (and I realized how much we had) it hit me that my kids won’t care about half the stuff I cherish. Thankfully we have a few good donation stores here that use the money from selling the stuff for missions. That makes it somewhat easier to go through piles and donate. But it still squeezes my heart to let go of it.
Susan, my mom was very sentimental. I mentioned that we had taken stuff from her and Dad’s house when they ended up going to live with my sister, and of course, what Annette and I took were mainly boxes that were marked Keepsakes–AND THERE WERE A LOT OF THOSE! LOL Mom kept everything and packed it as if it were the most priceless thing ever. I think I inherited that sentimentality from her. My son is more sentimental than my daughter is, but he does not compare with me. LOL You are so right though. The kids will not care about the stuff we love so much. They don’t have the memories attached to those things that we do.
I have plenty of that kind of stuff. It is so hard to throw away your memories. I inherited a lot from my mom and dad’s house, plus I find it very hard to get rid of some of my son’s toy’s and printed t shirts he had when he was growing up. I too need to do a serious cleaning and make a trip to a Good Will store.
Connie, same here. The stuff I took from Mom and Dad’s house hold dear memories for me, but not for my kids. The things I have kept that were mine are easier to get rid of for the most part than those from my parents’ house or my kids’ growing up years. Gary and I have real trouble lifting all that heavy stuff. The guys who came to work on the attic flooring moved a LOT of those crates outside to the patio for us, and we bought a very cool dolly that holds up to 660 pounds and has been a dream come true for my husband and also for the guys who are helping us. Big trash day is so perfect because we can roll all that out to the curb and what people don’t take for their own use, the trash truck gets. And usually there is very little left.
Sounds kind of like you are doing the Swedish death cleaning (yep, it’s a thing.) I’m proud to say I’ve never had to use the storage space in the building where I live. Over time I’ve tried to teach myself to get rid of stuff I no longer need -let alone remember I even have it- and depending on the condition of the thing to either sell it, donate, reuse it in some way or throw it away.
Minna, I have heard just a bit about the Swedish death cleaning–I need to look it up and read about it–that is fascinating to me. You know all these “things” are really memories I’m cherishing. That’s why it’s so hard to part with it. But I’ve really done a lot better than I ever thought I could do about turning loose of so much of this all at once. A lot of things, you’re right–I didn’t even remember I had it, and some things I stood and wondered, “Why did I keep this?” LOL
Yep I have an attic full of junk that we have collected over the years. All of my sons toys are up there and my husband wants to keep everything, so up to the attic it goes, if not there its out in the storage building it goes. I am talking about computer boxes and all that stuff. I use to every time I went up there I would bring something back down to get rid of but I don’t go up there anymore.
Both my parents wanted to keep everything because of being raised so poor, when everything had to serve as long as it could, etc. My husband, oddly enough, will hang on to those empty boxes “just to make sure we don’t have to return it” but somehow, they never get carried back down to the trash, even a year later! LOL I have nerve damage in my right leg and it takes me forever to climb those stairs to the loft room where the attic door is. I need one of those little chairs for the stairs that zoom you up and down!
I’m sentimental too. We have a packed storage building. I have a lot of my Grandma’s things plus with 6 kids, that’s a lot of memories to keep.
I do clean out sometimes, we have a thrift store nearby that supports a local children’s home.
I don’t want to leave too much of a mess for my kids though. My father-in-law died 2 years ago and my mother-in-law is still going through his collections. A big job!
Kim, bless your heart! If I had six kids with their keepsake stuff, I would just have to put in a huge shed or something. It’s been so hard to get rid of this stuff I’ve kept for just TWO–and really heartbreaking to have to part with so much all at once, but maybe that’s the better way to do it. I’ve had to give myself a few good “talks” but the more that is cleaned out, the better I’m feeling. No, you don’t want to leave a huge mess for the kids. That was one of the hardest things to deal with about my family members that had strokes and ended up in the nursing home and mentally incapacitated. All those memories of those keepsakes are just gone in a flash. I wish your mother-in-law good luck. It’s really soul wrenching.
I’m dreading when my mother dies, not only because I’d miss her; but she is 87 and is a pack rat. She has a garage full of stuff, a basement full of stuff, drawers full, and boxes full stuffed under beds and other furniture in a 3 bedroom house. She donates a car load of stuff about 3-4 per year and unfortunately you can’t tell anything is missing. Right now she is going through old papers, letters, and newspaper clippings in an attempt to declutter.
My mom kept old newspapers of significance for her kids and grandkids. You can’t believe the stuff she kept that I’ve come across–all neatly wrapped and labeled. Challenger, JFK, the Iranian hostages, Nixon resigns, Elvis dies…you name it she kept it. Princess Di’s funeral, Mother Teresa’s death. On and on. I got rid of some of those but I kept the JFK ones, and my daughter wanted the Princess Di ones. At least your mom does DONATE–my parents never got rid of anything! I feel for you when she passes, though. :((((
I have things from my grandmother and my mother, and I hate to get rid of them, but my nieces and nephew will most likely not want these things and of course there I things I have bought myself or have been given to me as a gift. So many things of sentimental value just to me. I got rid of a lot of stuff when I had to pack up a few years back when there were renovations been done in my apartment. I still have a lot of stuff I have to go through. And books, OMG the books, but I have told them to make sure they are all donated to the library. I think the keepsakes they will want are the memories i will leave them with. All the good times we shared and the love I give them unconditionally…So the things don’t really matter in the end.
YESSSSS, THE BOOKS! LOL So far–I’ve donated three big crates of books to a lady who teaches at a Catholic school. Her class is pre-K, but of course they have a library and the teachers all have books in their classrooms, so she came and got them and let the teachers pick out age-appropriate books for their classes they wanted then the rest went to their school library. She is coming back today for two more crates. While she was here, she took a BUNCH of toys and things she could use in her class. I also had two big crates of books I donated to another lady who deals with low income families and is trying to encourage a lot of those kids to read. These are books that were mine and books my kids had when they were growing up. I could not bear to put them out for big trash day so I advertised on the Nextdoor app that I had free books and was so glad to have about 20 people respond. LOL
I think that is such a sweet way you have of looking at keepsakes–“I think the keepsakes they will want are the memories i will leave them with. All the good times we shared and the love I give them unconditionally…So the things don’t really matter in the end.” I’m going to try to remember that!
I have stuff in my basement I need to go through, but nothing overwhelming. Books are my weakness.
All of my different holiday decorations are organized into different bins.
But, I’m not looking forward to when my parents pass away. When they moved, they didn’t get rid of stuff–they moved all the junk. All of it. And now they’ve accumulated more. I remember cleaning out my grandma’s house, and it was a lot. But my parents’ place is bad, and it got worse during the pandemic. They started hoarding even more. Plus, there’s my grandparents’ house they use for storage.
My MIL went through her stuff and pared down when she moved into the retirement community apartment.
Oh, Denise! I feel for you. Maybe you all can just go in and take what you want and then hire someone to come in and clean out the rest for you. It is so hard to have that mess looming and knowing you have to do something with it. I feel like I have spent about half my life sorting things–mine or someone else’s. I tell you what, though, I feel oddly invigorated about getting rid of so many things, and I have a lot more things I need to get rid of just here in my house–I have that bedroom closet I mentioned, and the hall closet, etc. And then maybe the kitchen? LOL (Books are my weakness, too.)
That’s a great idea.
So many of us have gone through this, Cheryl. Our memories are dear to us, and we can’t bear to throw away someone’s possessions that reflected so much of their lives.
My parents had a large house, and the 7 of us just couldn’t take everything they kept. But we kept alot. I feel like someone needs to be a keeper of the photos. I’m the keeper of the important papers (worthless but important, none the less.) My dad’s military papers. My grandparents’ immigration papers. My grandmother’s wedding dress . . .
I will keep them as long as I can (neatly and not too much, of course) and when I’m gone, I suspect they’ll all go, too. You’re right – they don’t always mean as much to our kids as they do to us.
Good for you for cleaning out, though. You’re doing your kids a big favor.
Pam, I could not bear to leave this to my kids after having to go through it twice myself with my parents and my sister. But honestly, I don’t think it would rip them up too much since they don’t have much emotional connection with most of it… they’d just be thinking, “Wish Mom hadn’t left all this for us to do. Bring me another trash bag!” LOL
It is hard, but it gets easier as I go along. I am getting rid of an entire crate of Casey’s baby clothes, blankets, and so on. Never thought that would happen! LOL
Thanks for the encouragement! Hugs, my filly sis!
Like you, we “inherited” lots of stuff from family members when they moved or passed away. Our attic and basement are full of the things I think I can’t part with. One of my tasks when I retire this year is to start going through it all. Our goal is to downsize to a smaller home, so a lot of the stuff has to go. I’m very happy to hear that there’s hope I’ll be able to pare it all down!
Rosemarie, you will be surprised at how freeing it is to make the decision to part with things. There are many things still that I’m holding on to, but a lot that are going. I’m feeling better and better about it as I go along, especially now that I can see the progress!
I’ve declutter more times than I can count.
I’ve NEEDED to declutter on a regular basis but it seemed like I was so busy and we had the flooring up in the attic and …well…LOL But it will never get that way again. That’s my vow.
Cheryl,
You really struck a nerve with many of us. I am going to use motivation from you and the things people have written here and take the plunge.
Honestly, buying books for kindle has saved a lot of space in my house. When my dad died he had close to 10000 books and it was something to get rid of them, it’s hard to throw them in the trash. The ones he had weren’t mainstream, he was a minister and also a college professor for 50 years. Philosophy and theology aren’t the biggest sellers at a tag sale. But he used to write a person’s name in the cover when he loaned them out so I started mailing those suckers around the country with a little ‘I know my dad would want you to have this’ and I’d add a few extras in the box for ‘just in case you can use this’ and hopefully they appreciated receiving them because of his sermon notes in the margins. Thank goodness for the media mail rate at the post office. 🙂 Some students from a local seminary built their own libraries from what my dad had and it was a relief when that project was over. whew…
Rachel, wow. That had to be painful to try to find the right home for all those books. I just can’t throw books away. I think that’s because so many of us were taught to treasure books when we were young and it’s just ingrained in us. I remember one time when I was about 3 or 4 and wrote my name in the front of one of my books with a crayon–so proud that I could write my name! BUT, I also went through the book and tried to write words in the margins. I remember still my mom saying, “We don’t write in books! Just our names in the front.” LOLLOL I’m so glad that those seminary students got your dad’s books because he probably would have wanted them to go to someone who could do exactly what those students did by building their own seminary libraries! That made me smile!
Hi, yes it is hard to get rid of somethings, I have been decluttering a little at a time, still have a ways to go, but I guess it has to do alot with sentiment. I have only a few things , but I do have alot of old things of mine like lots of papers and different things that I just need to get rid of , as I get older I keep telling myself, that I do not want to leave my children a big mess when I am gone, so I need to get rid of alot of things that are just collecting dust. Good for you, I really enjoyed your post and it is very empowering. God Bless you and your family, thank you for sharing this.
Alicia, you know I probably wouldn’t have done this (though I’ve talked about doing it now for several years) if it had not just become an absolute necessity. Finding that strength to just get up and say, “Today I’m going to start cleaning out the attic.” is just not normal. LOL I think if hubby and I had made a pact to start working on it together maybe it would have happened, but this emergency forced it to happen. So, a blessing in disguise, I guess. :)))) Yeah, when my parents moved out to live with my sister, I use that term loosely. Mom went to the hospital when she had her stroke, and Dad never left her side. Neither of them ever came back to their home again. All that was left to my sister Annette and me to take care of, and what an undertaking that was! I hope my post gave you strength to think about doing at least a part of it. Once you get started, just taking that first step, it seems to get easier as you go along.
I have a ton of stuff in my attic and in our shop that I need to get rid of
It is soooo hard to just go in there and pull out that first crate and start looking through it. Gary and the guys that came to fix the flooring pulled out several and I’ve gone through all but about 10 of them. But those are the ones I’ve been pushing aside to “do later” because they have a lot of things in them I KNOW I will want to keep. I just didn’t want to get “bogged down” before I could get through the crates that I could do more quickly.
We don’t have a big attic, and it’s full of insulation!! So, there’s definitely nothing up there in the way of keepsakes! However, I still haven’t gone through all of Mom’s stuff since her passing two years ago. Most of it I have, but there are still drawers I have to go through, and I already know I’ll be throwing stuff away. I also know there’s no big rush, though now I have ideas of what I can put in those drawers! So, I’ll be doing those a little at a time. I have other things that are more important right now, though, so once those things are done, I can tackle the drawers.
Trudy, at least you know there is no rush, and you have plans for what you’re going to use that space for when it’s cleaned out, and you are going to be THROWING STUFF AWAY. Oh, I found a little makeup kit of my mom’s in this stuff I was going through the other day that had about 4 tubes of lipstick in there. It was still formed and all in one piece! I was shocked! I thought from being up in that heat of the attic all these years it would be melted goo, but it wasn’t. It’s just amazing the things I’ve found that were still in really good condition–things you would not expect to be just from the heat. It’s emotional to go through those things. Look at me–I’ve put this off for 15 years since my mom and dad passed! It’s a relief to get it under control now.
Getting rid of things is hard for some. I am more prone to doing it than my wife. Men sometimes are the more sentimental one.
Hi David, you are right about men sometimes being more sentimental. I know my son is definitely more sentimental than my daughter is. When my dad and mom had to leave their home toward the end of their lives, he asked my sister to look for about 3 items and bring them to him. A child’s rocking chair that had been his as a boy, a ball peen hammer, and a pencil holder that had been on his desk for years and years. You just never know what people are going to be sentimental about and the reasoning behind it. I am keeping some things that are dear to me. I found some of my dresses my mom had made me when I was a little girl today. I’m keeping a couple of those. Love in every stitch!
Oh, Cheryl! I feel your pain. I am a sentimental keeper too, and it is so hard to let go of our treasures. Thinking of you! <3
Thanks, Shanna! Oh my gosh, some of those things just rip my heart out and I would never part with them. Others that I thought I’d keep forever, I now look at them and think, “Yeah, I can let go of that…” And then there are others I look at and think, “What in the world is that and why did I keep it?” LOL It is very hard, but it gets easier the farther along I get into the project. The end is in sight and it cannot come fast enough. LOL
I had my husband read this. He laughed and said that’s you. The major difference between us is you have tackled the issue and accomplished a successful clean-up. I am still in the trying to make some headway point. I have sentimental attachments to too many things. I know I will likely not miss them when they are gone, but just can’t part with them. when we moved here, we had to gut the house and completely redo it while living in it. We played musical rooms and moved things around. I moved things so know where everything was. One time I was out of town and my husband moved things to a new room and no one knew where anything was. We never really recovered from that. We have incorporated my aunt’s household, my mother-in-law’s household, part of my bosses’ when she moved, and all my children’s librarian things. We figured the kids could use much of this stuff when the set up their own homes, but no. We have given truck loads of stuff away, but there is so much more I need to part with. My biggest issue is before I can deal with one room, I need to get another room done which needs a different room straightened first, etc. Yes, it does hurt that Our children want nothing to do with most of these treasures. Some are valuable in more than just a sentimental way and they do not realize it. We have a small attic, a full garage, a full addition to the garage, and a house with more unpacked boxes than I would like to admit. Wish me luck. This WILL be the year I reclaim our house and we can actually enjoy it.
Patricia, you can do it. I didn’t think I could ever do it–it was a job I just felt like I wouldn’t know where to begin on. But then when I HAD TO DO IT, I did it. Gary did the hard work, pulling it all out of the attic, and he and Michael (the handyman) and his helper, Kevin, carried a huge load of it down to the patio so I could just sit out there and sort and get rid of stuff. Those crates were old and had been up there for years, so I didn’t mind just taking out the stuff I wanted to keep and transferring it to another new crate and letting Gary wheel the old crates with the “get rid of” stuff in them out to the curb on big trash day. You know what? I can’t even remember what all was in that first load and it hasn’t even been one month. I wish I could come help you when I’m done with this project. After I finish the attic, I’m feeling that I will be ready to move on to those other rooms, closets, and so on that I’ve “let go” for so long. It really does make you feel better, even though i didn’t think that would be possible! Let me know how it goes, and just try to do a small goal at a time. My goal is two crates a day, though there are some days I only do one–those that have a lot of letters, pictures and so on–and on those I do the bare minimum and tell myself to go ahead and move on to others that don’t need so much attention–I can come back to the ones that are more labor intensive later on. I would love to hear what other people tackle from reading this post. I hope it inspires everyone!