Recently a friend shared a “nightmare” homecoming date story that her daughter endured.  The boy didn’t bring her a corsage, though she was ready with a buttonaire.  He didn’t drive in the limo to the Pre-Party hosted at a parent’s house – to take pictures.  The girl had to take pics without her date. When he showed up at the dance, he wasn’t around for the professional photos taken there and as he danced with his date for two pathetic dances, he was texting another girl.  Then he informed her he wouldn’t be driving in their limo, since he was invited to a different party and he’d go in that limo. At lastly, the poor girl lost her shoes!  Someone had moved them while she was dancing – they were later found.  So she returned home, without her date and no shoes. As a parent I was appalled to hear this story. Don’t worry, the gal’s mother called the boy’s parents and gave them a piece of her mind.  The boy eventually called with an apology – too little, too late.

Since we love romance, we often fantastize about today’s man and how he behaves.  Which brought up the question about this generation of men and are women demanding less of men these days?

Here’s a list from AskMen.com that I came upon.

What Women Want from Men:

Return her messages

Many women gauge a man’s interest level by how long it takes him to respond when she contacts him. If his response time is poor, she might assume he’s just not that into her. Now, it’s no secret that women and men have differing opinions on what constitutes good communication, and we’re not saying you need to drop everything the minute she calls. She knows you’re a busy man; she’s busy too. What women want from men is a call back as soon as they’re able, as opposed to sometime the following day. This doesn’t mean you have to send an e-mail or a text of epic proportions if you don’t have time; a sentence or two will suffice to make her feel like you care — which is all she really wants to know.

Kiss her for no reason

As much as they love sex, women also enjoy a nice, deep kiss that doesn’t have any strings attached. This serves two purposes: It lets her indulge in kissing for the sheer pleasure of it, and it also tells her you want her, and not just sex. Yes, you’re charming and sexy and she loves being naughty for you, but sometimes she needs a different type of connection. To really do what women want from men, try a surprise kiss for no reason at all; she’ll love you for it. Combine this with a little hand-holding and she’ll be smiling for days.

Dance with her

Simply put, dancing with a woman makes her feel special. Unfortunately, most men are reluctant to put their dancing shoes on, especially in a public setting. Guess what? While she’d probably welcome the idea, you don’t need to visit a nightclub to dance with your woman. She’ll be just as thrilled if you slipped a little Marvin Gaye on and danced with her in the living room. This would actually be to your advantage, as you have total control over the music. You’re also conveniently located if the dancing starts to get dirty…

Dress up for her

Dressing up to take your woman out is an excellent way to impress her. It’s not about the clothes; it’s about the fact that you find her worth dressing up for. It lets her know that you think she’s worth that kind of effort. Besides, a nice shirt and dress pants can increase your sex appeal by leaps and bounds; you may feel overdressed, but your hotness factor will have magnified exponentially. It’s true what they say: Women really do love a sharp-dressed man.

Remember random milestones

As a rule, birthdays and anniversaries should always be remembered; forgetting something of this magnitude will send the message that you don’t find her terribly important. After all, she probably memorized yours early on in the relationship, so if hers goes unnoticed, she’ll be utterly heartbroken. Here’s how to do what women want from men: To truly impress her, aim to remember the insignificant dates, as well as the big ones. The first time you told her you loved her, the first time you kissed, the first place you vacationed together, what she was wearing the first time you met — any one of these will turn her to jelly and score you more bonus points than you can shake a stick at.

Take on an activity with her

What women want from men is to spend time with their man outside of the bedroom. They want to experience life with their man, and this is one of the best ways to develop a three-dimensional relationship.  Don’t worry; we’re not recommending you join her yoga class; rock-climbing, hiking, tennis or cycling are activities both of you can enjoy. If neither of you are the sporty type, try something else that you already excel at. Teach her how to swing a 9-iron or to shoot pool — she’ll love the personalized attention.

Propose a visit to her family

Women love it when a man gets along with her friends, but she simply adores it when he gets along with her family. Even if you’re not particularly fond of her busybody mother and father, suggesting a visit (even just a yearly one) can really make your woman’s day. It lets her know you recognize the importance of family. This is truly the kind of suggestion that leads to a warm and fuzzy feeling, so don’t be afraid to suggest it.

So, is this what women really want from men?  Do you agree with this list.  What’s on your list?  What would you add or change on this list?  

My love for the west comes naturally, though I have never lived there. My father’s family homesteaded in Arizona (he was two), and I grew up on his family tales and those of my uncles. The most cherished volume in my library is a history — written by my Uncle Morgan –of those homesteading days.

He was a superb salesman as well as a man of many other talents and though I believe his “history” is the only volume he wrote, it is a fascinating and wonderfully written glimpse of the west by a young boy, a teenager and a young adult.

Writing seems to be part of the Potter genes. My grandmother wrote poems and greeting card verses in the early part of the twentieth century, and her mother too was a writer. One uncle was a foreign correspondent, and the other wrote this very readable story of early days in and near Bisbee, Arizona.

But I digress. I picked up the “Potter” history the other day and did nothing for the next day but read again and relish. I thought I would share a few of the stories with you.

My favorite came as my grandfather was moving his family from a comfortable home in Minneapolis to Arizona where wealth and prosperity waited. It was the siren call to the male species that sent so many risking lives and fortunes to travel west.

In this case, they went by train, not covered wagon, but my grandmother’s reaction to the journey was the same as many of the accounts I’ve read of the woman’s view of the journey west.

“It was about noon when we reached the half way point where the future Potter ranch was to be located, and Will (my grandfather) wanted Minnie (my grandmother) to see the Paradise that he had promised her back in Minneapolis a month or two ago; so he had her come out and stand with him on the porch of the caboose so he could point out the landmark he had remembered; and just where he was going to build the most beautiful ranch house she could envision.

“As the train approached the white post designating Heckle (a whistlestop near his proposed ranch), Dad spied the mesa jutting out from the mountains on the right. He said, ‘Look, Minnie. That’s where we are going to live. We’ll . . .

“End of quote, as Mother, being pent up with trepidation during the last few days of gawking through dusty windows and without a bath in God knows how long, threw out her arms in dismay and wailed, ‘Oh, Will, not this! You mean you sold our beautiful home in Minneapolis with its beautiful parks and lakes to come out here to this desert with scarcely a tree?’ With that, her arms still outstretched, her purse strap broke, and all the family valuables, as she was our treasurer, went flying down the roadway, fading from sight as the train finally came to a step about a half mile down the track when the Conductor pulled the emergency signal, warning the engineer to stop.”
The train couldn’t wait, so they put my grandfather off the train, “with Mother in tears, whether in anger or sorrow at the calamity she had caused.”

The story had a happy ending, in that my grandfather found the purse, and also spied a tent a mile off the railroad. A family of homesteaders lived there and drove Dad to the nearest town.

There are so many other stories recounted in the family history. My uncle recounted his first glimpse at what was going to be his father’s “empire,” traveling with him for miles on an overloaded wagon over land with no roads to the ‘homestead.’ A beautiful place, according to my uncle. “We gazed over the beauty of the desert in bloom with spring flowers, cacti, mesquite, grey-green bunch grass, flowing with the slight breeze that stirred up occasional ‘devil’s chariots’ as Dad called the small whirlwinds of dust.”

Then they discovered a slight problem. No water.

On a neighbor’s advice, they finally found water by going to a steep, dry river bed and digging a hole about a foot or two deep. They had to wait a few minute for the hole to fill with water before they could bail it out.

Undaunted, they filled up barrels and returned to the homesite. It was a journey often made in the next months. But the two of them started to build their home while Minnie remained in town with two younger sons. At the end of the first week, my uncle – then eleven – reported being tired but happy. “A few unexpected callouses on our hands, backaches from sleeping on the hard ground, a few burns from handling hot pans, and sunburns turning to healthy tans were the only casualties. We had killed a few rattlesnakes, scorpions and one Gila monster. We were learning the facts of life in the west. As we lay on our blankets at night, the sun setting in a fiery blaze, being quenched as it sunk behind the buttes, we couldn’t fail to fall in love – I did, not with a gal, but with the west.”

It didn’t go exactly as planned. A home was built by my grandfather and eleven-year-old uncle, but my grandfather’s dream of an empire never materialized. The land was too dry for farming or ranching. An attempt to find gold failed. Eventually my grandfather had to find a job in a town named Safford. Temporarily defeated, they moved back to Minneapolis but eventually returned to Bisbee, Arizona where my grandfather worked for the mining company and built houses. The Arizona bug had bitten hard.

They never returned to their little house in the desert, but the stories while there are many and colorful. And my grandmother who was so horrified at seeing the desert that was to become her home wrote this poem on leaving it:

“I sit in my humble doorway,
But I’m richer far than most,
For my doorway reaches to the skies,
Which is more than others boast.

And my air is undiluted
By dust and soot and smoke,
And my sun spilled down unhampered
When the golden morning broke.

Ah, men have cluttered the city
But God leaves the desert free,
Free for the healing of body and soul,
With only Himself and me.”

 Although many writers know they want to be a writer from an early age, was there something in particular that made you decide to pursue your dream? 

The defining year for me was the year my youngest daughter went to first grade.  I had been at home raising four children spread out over several years and felt the void of sending the youngest to school all day.  Until then I’d been playing at writing, keeping handwritten notebooks and dallying with the stories like a hobby.  Then and there I decided that I was going to actually do what I’d always dreamed of doing and write an entire book.  I started it in October and finished it during that school year.  I had the time of my life.  I had no idea what I was doing, so it had no plot or conflict and the villain was wishy washy, but the characters were fun and I enjoyed creating a romance.  I even submitted the manuscript to every publisher and agent I could find.  Only years later did I understand how embarrassing that was.  I did everything you’re not supposed to do.  Who knew the time period was unmarketable?  Who knew you weren’t supposed to bind your submission in a pretty folder?  The story is as yet unpublished, though some day I’d like to rework it.  

How long after you first started submitting did it take for you to have your first book accepted? A lo-o-o-ong time.  As I said, I started submitting before I was ready, before I’d discovered a writing group or Dwight Swain.  I was writing for about four years before I found a local writers group.  I was fortunate.  I generous lady and talented Avon author named Diane Wicker Davis started my local chapter.  She read my stuff and showed me how to make the stories better and the writing stronger.  I lucked into a critique group with another published author, Barbara Andrews (who now writes with her daughter as Pam Rock) and she and the group encouraged me.   Once I learned the techniques to write to sell, it took about another three years.  

What attracts you to your time period? 

For me the appeal of Americana and westerns is the simplicity of the time and the durability of the men and women.  Life was difficult.  People were determined and resilient.  I watched westerns from the time I was a kid and learned to appreciate the charm and strength of a cowboy.  The ever-present themes of good verses evil are the foundations of those universally appealing types of stories.  Who doesn’t love to root for an underdog?  Who doesn’t want to see the bad guy get his comeuppance? The rancher/farmer’s sweat and blood are imbedded in his land–as deeply as the riverbeds and the roots of the ancient trees. It may have been his father’s before him, or he could have broken his back to earn it. In any case he will die to keep it. Solidarity. And any man who would pour this much passion into his land, will love his woman even more ardently.

To nearly all women I’ve spoken to on the subject of cowboys, physical appearance plays a major part in the attraction. The reality was that dungarees or Levis were not exactly ‘slim cut’ or sexy; they were stiff and probably dirty, and few real cowboys fit the image of the Marlboro man, but our fantasy cowboy has a lean backside in a pair of tight-fitting jeans, long legs, and that ever-present Stetson pulled low over his eyes. Ever notice how a pair of chaps invariably draws the eyes to the uncovered sections of denim? Our man wears his Colt strapped to his thigh, the holster rides his lean hips, his spurs jangle–this dangerous guy exudes sex appeal. The western hero is a hard body due to demanding work on the range, riding and roping, chasing outlaws, stopping the runaway stage, and sleeping on the ground.  He’s untamed, a little wild, and a lot sexy. He doesn’t need a gym membership or a treadmill.

What does your writing cave look like? 

Messy.  Papers everywhere.  Books all over.  I’m known far and wide as a collector and my office reflects that particular gene as much as any room in my house.  In my office  have a curio full of old and new dolls: Barbies, My Scene, Ginnys, Disneys, Madame Alexanders, and any others I can’t resist. There are framed writing awards on the few visible walls—most of the wall space is taken up by bookcases.  The color of the walls is called Strawberry Pot, it’s a soothing and inspiring teal, my favorite color.   I have a comfy rocking chair piled with pillows, a TV on an upper shelf, a counter full of office machines like copiers and printers and two computers. 

My book covers are thumb tacked to the bulletin boards that back my desk area on three walls, along with pics that readers have sent.  I have half a dozen oil lamps, a row of Angel Cheeks, framed photographs of the cutest kids ever, a jeweled tiara and paperweights.  A vintage globe that belonged to my grandmothers sits atop one of my cabinets.  There are many things I love about my space, and one of them is that it’s sound proof.  You can actually hear the difference when you come into the room—the effect created by four walls of books.   

When you are not writing what do you do? 

Probably not sleeping,  LOL  My husband and I like to garden together, so many of our weekends are spent creating arbors and gardens and soon ponds.  We love to shop flea markets and browse antique malls.  More often than not you could find me selecting paint, then watching him roll it on or arranging a spot in the house just so.  I like to make interesting displays of vintage collections and have so many I have to change them out to enjoy them.  I’m a movie junkie, so late night I watch movies (and take plotting notes—it makes me feel like I’m working).