There are different sayings like, “The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.” Or, “in your own backyard,” or ” under your nose.” Well, while working on my latest book, I’ve coined, “finding love in your own barnyard”. In fact, the phrase, “there’s no place like home,” could also apply here as my characters live across a barnyard from each other and grew up together. Yet both are lonely souls who can’t seem to find the person that’s right for them. They’ve seen each other almost every day for most of their lives. Each is the last person they’d think of to fill that loneliness. That is, until they begin to lose other friends to marriage. Their worlds then become lonelier and lonelier. You would think they might consider each other, but noooooo. Friendship is as far as it goes.
So, this is where our hero might begin to think, “the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence”. For small communities in the 1800s, this could mean you had to send off for a bride from hundreds or even thousands of miles away. Mail-order bride stories are popular because it’s fun to see two people brought together and then have to make a go of it. But what’s wrong with what’s in our hero’s own backyard?
One of the most popular romance tropes out there is friends to lovers. The characters know each other well, perhaps too well, and though its not a case of “familiarity breeds contempt”, it is hard for people to see someone they’ve known for years as anything but “the norm” they’re used to. But how we see someone and how, say, a family member of theirs sees them might be two different things.
Did women in the late 1800s have friendships with men? Of course they did. Back in the day, friendship offered Victorian men and women much more than interpersonal intimacy. Friends shared experiences with you or served as a refuge from danger. The Victorians believed friendship provided practical little solutions to many larger social problems. In my research I came upon a book that had a chapter on friendships in the 1800s. In short, it said, friendship had social, economic, and political stakes: it was a practice ground for companionate marriage, an alternative to family or professional care, and the basis for both democracy and social activism. If men could secure good relationships through school, clubs, and professional associations, these friendships had particular significance for women, who had fewer institutional occasions to develop networks and alliances. In other words, gals got to meet more folks if they were friends with some of these gents. Getting introduced to different people could lead to more friendships and broaden a person’s social horizons. And, dare we hope, something more? That’s where the famous friendship to lovers trope comes in.
But what happens when our hero asks “his friend” to help him write a letter to a mail-order bride? Will she do it? Of course, they’re friends, aren’t they? But while telling a future bride about our hero, our heroine begins to see him in a different light.
I’ve seen a real-life friends to lovers in my niece Ashley and her husband Oliver. They’ve known each other since grade school. Have advised each other on different relationship choices, and all while their parents sit back and go, OPEN YOUR EYES YOU TWO! But Ashley and Oliver never saw what was obvious to everyone else. They were “just friends”. Then somewhere, sometime, one of them did open their eyes. As I recall it was Oliver, after a wee trip with my brother. Hmm, my brother can be quite convincing when he wants to be … but never mind about that. Oliver and Ashley are married, have an 18 month old son and a great life. It’s the stuff romance novels are made of!
Did your parents, grandparents or someone else you know (that includes you) fall in love with their best friend? I’m giving away a free e-copy of Taming a Wild Heart, the book I’ve been talking about, to one lucky winner from the comments below.
A little more about Taming a Wild Heart:
The Heart of a Spinster
The Heart of a Cowboy
And the Horse that brings them together …
Savannah Cooke has known Ferris Kincaid all her life. They grew up together, went to school together, worked together, so who better to write a letter about himself to a future mail-order bride? But something happens between them she can’t put her finger on. Could it have been the rain storm they were caught in? Visits to a neighboring farm? Or was it because of that darn horse, Old Pete? Savannah swore the animal was on a mission to make their lives as miserble as possible. Yet the more time she spent with Ferris, the more she began to see the man he’d become. Problem was, she’d been helping him woo his future bride through the mail.
Sometimes love needs a little help. And a really big draft horse with a mind of his own …
I’ve never fallen in love with a longtime best friend, but my husband quickly became my best friend, even before we married. There was always romance in the air, however.
Having a husband become your best friend is part of a great marriage Janice. I often wonder how many mail order brides from back in the day were able to say the same thing.
Not that I know of
My niece was the only person that I know of, Debra.
My oldest son and his wife were friends first in high school, and then fell in love. I do know she had a crush on him, so it was unrequited for a bit, but they went to Homecoming as friends junior year and have been together ever since.
Those are the kind of romances I love, Denise! So sweet.
hubs family and my own were friend for many years and I remember hubs clear back to 1970! We started dating in 1977 and 42 years ago today got married!!
Oh my gosh, Teresa, happy anniversary!
I can’t think of anyone in my family or me that fell in love with a best friend.
I only know of my niece. Everyone else became best friends with their spouse after marriage.
My husband and I were good friends before we started dating and then got married. We have been married for 37 years now.
Congratulations! That’s quite the milestone now a days.
I have seen people infatuated with a new acquaintance, but they usually fell in and out of love a lot. I have been a bit like that but I was just wanting to be noticed and loved. This was years ago. Thankfully I met my current husband and he began eyeing me. I wasn’t really interested until he stopped looking. Well, you know how that goes! If they stop looking you see them more clearly and start the pursuit yourself. The end result – marriage with said husband now for 49 years!
Wow! I love the posts here on how many years of marriage couples have had! Congratulations on 49 years!
Kit, this happened with my mom and dad. They had known one another since 1st grade. Their school was very small–their senior class was a class of TWELVE people. But they had such a shared past, because of the place/time where they grew up. they knew all the same people, witnessed the same events, and had so many of the same experiences for as long as they could remember. They both dated others, but kept coming back to one another, and then married. They were married just short of 70 years, and both died within 3 weeks of one another. A true love story for sure!
Wow Cheryl! Now that’s a love story!
No
I know it happens a lot, but I’ve only seen it happen to my niece.
Not that I’m aware of….
Yes, I often wonder what it would be like to have a guy as a best friend then fall in love.
great post today. no I cant think of anyone that I know that went from best friends to lovers. congratulations on your new book, sounds amazing
Thanks, Lori. It’s actually on pre-order and won’t release until 3/31, but it’s been fun posting little snippets here and there and taking a closer look at the historical significance of friendship in the Victorian era.
My cousin and her husband knew each other through their school days and finally married. They had a large family together, and he built a successful business in their small town. They did EVERYTHING together–sing, ride motorcycles, you name it. If you saw one, you saw the other.
In February, she lost him to Covid. I can only imagine how lonely she must feel without him when he has literally always been a part of her life.
I love the premise of your book, Kit!! I, too, love the friends to lovers trope!
I’m sorry to hear about your friend’s loss, Pam. I’m watching my friend who just lost her best friend and soulmate as well. They did everything together and she’s at a loss as to what comes next.
I love friends to more stories! I haven’t known anyone personally who felt that way yet, though a few friends met their spouses in school, but it’s a sweet way of finding your significant other.
Isn’t it though? I have three adult, single children and hope they have the experience of friends to something more.
I don’t know of it happening to anybody in my family or even friends of ours. I enjoyed reading your post. Have a great week and stay safe. (not entering this ebook giveaway, but thank you. I am not tech savvy at all , so I don’t read ebooks)
I’m glad you enjoyed the post, Alicia!
I can’t think of any friend-to-lover in real life, although I enjoy those stories.
Me too. I think the banter between the characters is snappier as they know each other so well already.
My aunt and uncle went to school together as well as grew up together. They had been sweethearts long before they were married. Thank you for letting me share. God bless you.
That’s so cool. I love stories like that.
Honestly, “no” I never did nor do I know of anyone who did. This book sounds fascinating. Looking forward to reading it.
I love books with this trope Judy as I never did either and only know of my niece’s relationship.
I missed this one, but am glad I came back and read it. The cover Taming A Wild Heart is beautiful.
It is true that friendships can morph, but so many different things can cause it for one or the other person involved. For my husband and I it was a little bit like that. Causal friends in high school, he was one of several military children I kept in touch with (maybe 3 or 4 letters a year) after they moved away. We met each other again 7 years later, just dinner with friends twice. For me it was a definite “I am interested.” No dating, just dinner with friends twice. Problem was he was stationed in Maine and I was going back to a job in the Philippines. He obviously felt the same because he came to the Philippines 5 months later and proposed. Evidently dating wasn’t necessary. We did get engaged when I returned to the states (that dinner was really our first “real” date) before he was sent to Vietnam. We got married just about a year after he proposed. We celebrate our 50th anniversary this coming June. So yes, friends to lovers is a real thing.
That is such a cool story, Patricia!