Like all writers, I have quite a few research books I’ve picked up here and there about a variety of subjects. Here’s one sure to get plenty of giggles—Manners and Morals of Victorian America by Wayne Erbsen. Seems those Victorians had rules for everything.
The book lists all sorts of subjects such as: Business Etiquette, Children, Courtship, Kissing, Dining, and so many more. This is just a treasure-trove of information and I hardly know where to begin.
This has to be #1 though:
Beware of Bad Books – one half of the youth in our prisons and houses of correction started on their evil path by reading bad books, or at best, worthless novels. These books are the nicotine and alcohol of literature; they poison and burn, and blast the head and heart as surely as their cousins do the stomach. (1903)
No wise girl would accept a man who proposed by moonlight or just after a meal. The dear things are not themselves then and not thinking clearly.
Matrimony for women is the great business of life, whereas for the men it is only a mere incident. (1838)
Avoid the pen as you would the devil when you are angry. If you must commit follies, don’t put them down on paper. (1887)
You’re going to love this one!! I can hear your laughing.
We kiss too much. The principles of both hygiene and honesty are constantly violated in the practice. We might well indulge in a perfunctory little peck on the cheek that means nothing. It ought not to be necessary—but it is—to say that kissing in public is extremely bad form. (1907)
It is not allowable for a young man to shake hands with a lady unless she offers hers first. Only those of unimpeachable integrity and unsullied reputation should be introduced to a lady. (1892)
There is beauty in the helplessness of women. The clinging trust which searches for extraneous support is graceful and touching. Timidity is the attribute of her sex; but to herself, it is not without danger, inconveniences and sufferings. Her first effort at comparative freedom is bitter enough. The delicate mind shrinks from every unaccustomed contact and the warm and gushing heart closes itself. (1916) OH PLEASE!! This had to have been written by a narcissistic man who never married or dated!
What men want in a wife for the most part is a humble, nattering, smiling, child-loving, tea-making being who laughs at their jokes however boring they may be. Women should coax and wheedle us to good humor. (1886)
Ladies, never marry a genius. As the supply of geniuses is very limited, this advice may seem useless. It is not so, however, for there is enough and too many men who think that they are and take liberties accordingly. (1886)
No lady should use the piano of a hotel uninvited if there are others in the room. It looks bold and forward to display even the most finished musical education in this way. It is still worse to sing. (1910)
And one more. These are just too funny.
It is evident that although a man may be ugly, there is no necessity for his being shocking. (1836)
Okay, there you go. I didn’t even get a chance to get into table manners or umbrella etiquette or any of the other interesting topics. I guess I’ll have to save those. It blows my mind that they went to such lengths to have rules for everything. They had waaaaay too much time on their hands back then.
Did I give you a laugh? Which was the funniest to you?
Here in the Texas Panhandle, we do love our cowboys. There's just something about a man in a Stetson and jeans that makes my heart beat faster. I'm not much of a cook but I love to do genealogy and I'm a bit of a rock hound. I'm also a NY Times & USA Today bestselling author of historical western romance. You can contact me through my website and I'd love to connect with you on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and more. HAPPY READING!
https://petticoatsandpistols.com/sweepstakesrules/
As being odd and old I have to say that funny though they are I still find quite a few of them to be good advice and manners. I do find that men are still like this today. But of course, the funniest one to me has to be the narcissistic from 1916. OH PLEASE indeed!
I agree, Sandra. Such narrowminded thinking! And like you said there are still men today who think this way. Scary. Us women have had to fight long and hard to get at least a little equality. Thanks for coming and chiming in.
Beware of Bad Books
denise
That one’s really funny, Denise. I’m sure the advice is aimed at romance readers. Have a blessed day, dear friend.
What ag reat post. Several touched me as funny but I like the bad book one.
Debby, number one is a doozy all right. And we all know he was talking about romance books. They’ve always been viewed this way. I liked the Kissing Too Much one. HaHa! I can just see the disapproving frown on the man’s face as he wrote this. Thanks for coming and have a beautiful day.
The narcissistic man bit had me rolling!
Rhonda, it did me too. He wishes women were helpless and probably in his mind he sees us this way. I’m so glad you came and hope you have a blessed day.
Linda, you write fabulous blogs. I really enjoyed this. I fact I think I’ll go look for one of those books for myself. Every book should have a bit of humor.
Charlene, it’s great to see you!!! I’m so happy you stopped by. You can probably find the book on Amazon. It’ll keep you rolling. I agree that books should have some humor. I wish I was better at writing humor. My attempts come in spurts and I can’t sustain it through an entire story. I hope you a mahvelous day, dear friend! Much love.
These were hilarious, Linda! Thanks for sharing!
I’m glad you got a laugh or two, Valri. I had to really search for an idea to blog about today. Humor is always a win-win. I don’t think I’d have made it far in Victorian days. All those rules sure curtailed the joy of being alive. I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving whether you travel or stay home. Much love.
Well, I rather liked them! I always said I was born in the wrong century. And probably why I love Historical Romance. Thanks for sharing, Linda.
I’m glad you liked reading these bits of advice, Sharon. They sure had strange ideas back then. I probably would’ve been in Victorian jail constantly because I’m not much on rules. Thanks for coming and have a beautiful day.
No wise girl would accept a man who proposed by moonlight or just after a meal. The dear things are not themselves then and not thinking clearly.
This one was funny to me!
That’s a good one, Connie! In other words, men say things they don’t mean. I wonder if the woman giving the advice got her heart broken. Possibly. I can just picture the faces of these Victorians as they spout the rules. I’m sure frowning and stiff, probably feeling really self-righteous. Thanks for coming. Have a great Thanksgiving next week!
Most men never change how they reacted back then a lot still do today
I agree, Emma. A lot of men still think this way today. It’s great to see your name. I hope you’re doing well and anticipating Thanksgiving next week. Hope you’re with family. Much love.
All of them are kind of funny! This one gets me most: No wise girl would accept a man who proposed by moonlight or just after a meal. The dear things are not themselves then and not thinking clearly.
Which one isn’t thinking clearly and aren’t themselves? The men for proposing then, or the girl who would accept the proposal??? lol!!!
That one is too funny, Trudy. Yes, the moonlight is so powerful and casts spells. ha! Some of these just crack me up, especially the one warning to beware of bad books. I’m sure they’re talking about romances. Men have always thought them nothing but trash. Thanks for coming by. Have a blessed day.
Thank you for the laughs this morning. “There is beauty in the helplessness of women” and this was from 1916? Whoever wrote it must have been against women’s suffrage a prominent cause of that time. Oh, please, for sure.
I agree, Alice. The suffrage movement had to have played a part in this. Something did to prompt these Victorians to spout such outlandish advice. Thanks for stopping by. Enjoy your day.
Thanks for the laughs and smiles these brought me! 🙂
Colleen, you’re welcome. I found them really funny and thought everyone would enjoy reading them. Have a blessed and beautiful day. Much love.
What men want in a wife for the most part is a humble, nattering, smiling, child-loving, tea-making being who laughs at their jokes however boring they may be. Women should coax and wheedle us to good humor. (1886) this is a riot 🙂 These are all silly things, hard to believe, but sadly true how they thought. Thank you for sharing these funny etiquette .
Alicia, that is what they thought. In fact, many men today share these things about women. This man doesn’t want a wife. He wants a robot that’s incapable of having viewpoints. Have a wonderful day, my dear.
Funny and thanks for sharing these! As far as complaining about books, we certainly know that is happening now. I think when something is banned, it makes it more popular. Guess we should ban textbooks haha…
Rachel, I’m happy you enjoyed reading these. They’re good for a laugh. I agree about the textbooks. Ha! Have a blessed and wonderful day.
welcome today. yes you did give me chuckles. thanks. I loved them all especially the one about kissing in public. when I was growing up, men and women did not kiss in public and I was in the US. mom and dad would kiss openly at home, but not my grandparents. for them it was saved for the closed bedroom door. never understood that. LOL
Lori, it’s odd about the different generations. My grandparents sure didn’t either and I doubt they even kissed behind closed doors. They never showed each other any affection so I always wondered. Maybe they didn’t even sleep together but they must’ve quite a bit because they had 13 children! People today don’t even give it a thought. I’m glad I could give you a laugh. Thanks for coming.
These brought a smile. I especially liked the one about not picking up a pen when you are angry. Today we might say don’t post on Facebook or Instagram.
So true, Elaine. That’s one that we should heed. Too often people get angry and the first thing they do is post on FB or one of those. Thanks for coming.
There is beauty in the helplessness of women. It’s a good thing I didn’t live back then. I don’t think I’ve ever been helpless.
I haven’t either, Sreesor. I’ve always been way too independent. I don’t know any helpless women in fact. I would’ve been in trouble all the time back in Victorian days. Ha!
Linda, I loved this! Probably the one that made me laugh the most was that first one–beware of bad books! LOL I really loved these “rules” –got a real kick out of those! Thanks for making me laugh!
Cheryl, you know they were talking about romance books. Men have always hated those and never saw them as literature. I laughed a lot at some of these. The whole book is just so funny. Rules galore for every single part of life. There were even some about how to handle an umbrella. So funny. Love you, filly sister.
Oh Linda, it’s a glorious sunny day here and these rules just made it even more fun. I do kind of agree with the one about avoiding the pen when you are angry – or avoiding sending that email! And unfortunately I think that some men today still want that wife who for the most part is a humble, nattering, smiling, child-loving, tea-making being who laughs at their jokes however boring they may be. I collect cookbooks and some of the older ones are as delightfully irritating as these rules. How to be a perfect wife and prepare the perfect meal to soothe your perfect husband when he comes home from his hard day at work. Ha ha ha.
Have a wonderful week and take care.
Sally xx
Sally, some men prefer to live in a dream world where everything is perfect. They want a June Cleaver who never raised her voice or had an original thought. I think all those old cookbooks had a section at the back about marriage and all sorts of things. They’re a hoot to read. Thanks for coming. I’m glad I added some humor to your day.
Hello my sweet Sister Friend- I loved all of these. The one I picked is really the only one I agree is true. I think about this when I’m answering emails at work. Paper trails can be both a blessing and a curse.
Have a great day. Love you.
Avoid the pen as you would the devil when you are angry. If you must commit follies, don’t put them down on paper. (1887)
I agree with that one too, Miss Tonya. We need to be very careful when we write something while we’re angry. I learned my lesson long ago to not send anything when I’m mad. Not good and it can sure get you in trouble. I hope your migraine is better. Love you, sister friend.
Thank you so much for sharing the goodies above. My favorite – “There is beauty in the helplessness of women…” is one that seems to be a thread through many Victorian writings. Had women been helpless, they would never have survived.
I have a collection of old books and these social rules are one of the reasons. I can’t get to them at the moment, but several are from a rather strict religious group. Good grief, girls are sure to go to Hell if they talk to a boy in anything other than a large group and even then, they must not be within touching distance. I have a book from the 1860’s which is the guide for house wives. It details how to be the perfect wife, keep house, take care of children, and social responsibilities. The wife needs to be dressed and presentable at all times. Meals must be on the table when he walks in the door. She needs to meet him at the door, take his hat and coat, and hang them up. She pretty much has the main responsibility for the children and everything around the house. She is not to make any demands on his time, just take what help and time he is willing to give.
My how times have changed.
Pat, I think it’s just the men wishing women were helpless. They sure don’t want a woman outthinking them, or heaven forbid, to appear as their equal. These advice books are fun to read. It was a crazy world back then with all its rigidity. I’m just glad we relaxed as the centuries went by. Love you lady.
This is my favorite one. Ladies, never marry a genius. As the supply of geniuses is very limited, this advice may seem useless. It is not so, however, for there is enough and too many men who think that they are and take liberties accordingly. (1886)
So funny, Quilt Lady! I agree that there aren’t many real geniuses, but plenty who think they are. Too funny. Thanks for coming over. Have a wonderful day.