“…bring letters from a special someone to desiring subscribers in hopes that a match would be made, and the pair would spend the rest of their lives together.”
Matrimonial News – 1870
Fans of Mail-Order Bride Romances adore reading about courageous women. Those brides left home, headed west, and risked everything for a brighter future. We admire brave men who sent for a bride with no more courtship than letters could provide. We enjoy the conflict, hurdles, and challenges the characters face before earning their happy ending.
Many different circumstances contributed to the phenomenon of mail-order brides. The loss of so many men in the War Between the States. The California Gold Rush. Westward expansion. Chinese immigrants working in mining and railways. And more.
Soon, however, Western adventurers lifted their heads from their labors, looked around and felt the absence of one vital element from the bountiful Western territories—women.
Most mail-order brides in the 19th Century American west were single and had very few options–if they wanted marriage, this arrangement could prove their only opportunity. A few had been widowed and often brought children along. Some were runaways. A few dodged the law and hoped to disappear into the Wild West and take on a new identity.
In addition to a brokerage firm to arrange matches (i.e. matchmaker), most men sent notices to friends, relatives or pastors back East. Some, however, sent letters to a periodical devoted entirely to the advancement of marriage. Throughout the 1870s, 80s, and 90s, that periodical was a newspaper called the Matrimonial News. Founded in England, the newspaper gained popularity in the U.S., and was printed in San Francisco and Kansas City.
A code of rule and regulations, posted in each edition was strictly enforced. All advertisers were required to provide information on their personal appearance along with a general description of the kind of persons with whom they desired correspondence.
However, men often misrepresented themselves…and so did women. After all, what drunken miner with a worthless claim would expect the truth to attract a wife? What woman would freely admit the truth of her circumstances if she believed doing so would spoil her chances of finding safety, protection, support, and a home?
Most ads were succinct and minimal. Gentlemen’s personals of forty words or under cost $.25 in stamps or postage. Ladies’ personals of forty words or under were published free of charge. The ads were numbered, to avoid giving out names and addresses. Replies were to be sent to the Matrimonial News office sealed in an envelope with the number of the add on the outside.
In Kansas City, Missouri, The New Plan was another publication dedicated to helping eligible men and women find one another, correspond, and marry. A list of the magazine’s aims and methods of business were listed on the back cover of each edition. The simple and easy-to-follow plan promised speedy and satisfactory results. The cost for each advertisement was $1.00. The editors claimed this offer was “the greatest bargain in the world for the money.” If any of the advertisements resulted in matrimony, the subscriber and author of the ad agreed to pay a $5.00 service fee to the magazine.
The New Plan was in circulation from 1911 to 1917.
Another interesting, lovely, and little-known fact (at least to me) was how many young African American women came to the Arizona Territory. The mining camps were filled with young black men and older black widowers—but they weren’t the one who came up with the mail order bride idea. That came from the married African American women already in the territory. They found the presence of so many unattached men in their community “unsettling,” according to Black Women of the Old West by William Loren Katz. “With too few women to go around, the wrong kind of women came to town, and fights among the men were frequent. The answer, they convinced unmarried men, including many widowers, was an arranged marriage to a mail order bride,” he writes. They advertised in newspapers and Eastern churches and many young ladies responded. “Filled with hope, young candidates set out from Boston, Philadelphia, and New York. Many left lives of poverty, family problems or personal tragedies. Each sought her American dream, a new beginning. They hoped to find the thrill of love, the warmth of family, and a new life.”
Nineteenth Century American newspapers were rife with articles that both support and praise various marital agencies and publications, and point out the perils, disasters, financial losses, broken hearts, and scams. Still, marriage brokers thrived, and men and women continued to seek the elusive dream of finding a spouse, love, family, and a lasting connection.
My Upcoming Release – July 15th
As a mail-order bride to a cattleman, Olivia Talbot expected her life would change.
What she didn’t expect upon her arrival was to discover she was a widow before she was a bride.
***GIVEAWAY***
I’m giving away a $10 Amazon to one lucky reader. To be eligible for the drawing, answer the question below:
Had you lived in the mid-to-late nineteenth century, would you have dared start a courtship by letter?
Born and raised in western Massachusetts, Jo-Ann Roberts was fascinated by America’s Old West and always felt she was destined to travel on a wagon train following the Oregon Trail. With her love of history and reading, she began reading historical romance during high school and college. Victoria Holt, Jude Deveraux, and Roseanne Bittner were among her favorites. Influenced by her father, she fell in love with John Wayne, James Garner, and her all-time favorite, James Stewart and grew up watching Wagon Train, Bonanza and Rawhide.
A firm believer in HEA with a healthy dose of realism, Jo-Ann strives to give her readers a sweet historical romance while imparting carefully researched historical facts, personalities, and experiences relative to the time period. Her romances take her readers back to a simpler time to escape the stress of modern life by living in a small town where families and friends help one another find love and happiness.
When she isn’t creating believable plots and relatable heroes and heroines, Jo-Ann enjoys spending time with her husband, children and grandson. She also enjoys baking, quilting and eating way too much chocolate.
After 38 years in public education in Connecticut and Maryland, she’s now calls North Carolina home.
Possibly? Depends on what the prospects were at home and the actual home life.
denise
Welcome, Denise. I agree. A woman certainly wouldn’t want to go from the frying pan into the fire. Thank for stopping by P&P/
I think I would! I
Welcome, Rhonda! Good for you. I think it would be fun to imagine the possibilities. Thanks for stopping by P&P.
maybe
Welcome! A lot of factors would have to be considered before taking this direction. Thanks for stopping by P&P.
I would have considered it, but I would have taken my time to get to know him as well as I could through letters before committing.
Welcome, Janice. I agree. I’d also tell him I’d want a period of engagement once I arrived. As I stated in the blog, men, and some women, fabricated lies to make themselves appear better than they really were. Thanks for stopping by P&P.
Yes, I think I would if there were no other prospects and this was my only hope.
Welcome! Very true, especially if they were orphaned or if the only option open to them was not a desirable one. Thanks for stopping by P&P.
I doubt it.
Welcome! It would take a great leap of faith, that’s for certain. Thanks for stopping by P&P.
I would like to think so..
Welcome, Kate. I agree. What an adventure to tell your grandchildren. Thanks for stopping by P&P.
Yes, as in most cases they had little choice in the matter to escape their current life situations!
Welcome, Teresa. I agree. Whether being forced to wed a stranger by others or their own circumstances, I guess most of them possessed the hope it would work out. Thanks for stopping by.
I believe I would have been open to starting a courtship by mail especially if I didn’t have any prospects in the area where I lived. I love reading about mail order brides.
Welcome, Laurie. At the risk of being a spinster or a maiden aunt, I imagine many women chose to take their chances out West. Thanks for stopping by.
Yes, definitely. Letters would be my future.
Welcome, Anne. I would imagine that when that first letter arrived, the woman began dreaming of her future out West. Thanks for stopping by.
I think I would have, especially when you needed something more.
Welcome, Debby. For women, especially after the Civil War. With the loss of a husband or fiancé, many decided to look West for their future. Thanks for stopping by P&P.
Probably not
Welcome, Bridgette. From my research, many women probably felt the same way. Think of the situations they could find themselves in…perhaps the man was in prison, a gambler, or imbibed in the spirits. Thanks for stopping by P&P.
Such interesting research, Jo-Ann! I loved reading the entires in the Matrimonial News clipping you included. Did you notice the two ads in the middle that seemed to be destined for each other? German working girl axious to meet mechanic . . . Mechanic desires . . . good honest work girl . . . Makes me wonder if the editor placed those two next to each other on purpose. A little extra matchmaking. 🙂
Thanks, Karen. Part of the premise of the Matrimonial Home and Hearts series (created by Elaine Manders) is the matchmaker, Mrs. Crenshaw had a knack for matching the men with just the right women. Maybe the editor of the magazine had the same knack!
I would have written letters and hoped for the best. Letters would be my salvation.
Welcome, Ellie. I would imagine most of the women who wrote those letters felt the same way. Imagine waiting for the return mail! Thanks for stopping by P&P.
While I like to read about other people’s adventures, I don’t like to take on adventures for myself.
The only way I’d dare would be if things were truly desperate at home.
Welcome, Maryellen. I imagine many women felt the same as you do. But if their survival or that of their family, children, etc., perhaps haps she’d take a leap of fatith.
Absolutely! I have always been an adventure seeker (much to my mother’s dismay) and I would have loved to go west and experience new things. I have always loved wide open spaces – big cities drive me crazy. So yes, I would have.
Welcome, Karin. You’re a gal after my own heart! I always felt I was born too soon, and should have traveled West on a wagon train. Thanks for stopping by P&P.
I think I would
Welcome! I’m certain many of the women who went West as mail-order brides needed a leap of faith to change their future. Thanks for stopping by P&P.
If there were no prospects where I lived than yes I might write to someone. quilting dash lady at comcast dot net
Welcome, Lori. That must have been exactly what many of these men and women were thinking in the 19th century. Thanks for stopping by P&P.
Starting a courtship by letters is sweet, but I probably wouldn’t since I can’t imagine leaving everything & everyone I know behind. I always enjoy reading mail-order bride books though!
Welcome, Sabrina. It’s always difficult to leave loved ones behind. Sadly, some of these women didn’t have a choice. Thanks for stopping by.
I would, if I thought that was the only way I could get out of whatever situation I found myself in. Things were so different back then, and women didn’t have the opportunities they do today.
Welcome, Trudy. Absolutely true! Opportunities abound for today’s women. Not like the 1880s when a woman’s role was limited. However, I do confess when I read a MOB book where the heroine works in a non-traditional role, it makes the story zing! Thanks for stopping by P&P,
Possibly, depending on the specific circumstances and exact time period. You mention a time which included the Civil War, in which so many young, marriageable age men were lost. Always appreciate the interesting historical postings on the blog!
Welcome, Catherine, I’m glad you enjoyed the blog. Very true about the loss of men back East following the Civil War. If a woman or widow wanted to marry this might have been a good way to meet a husband. There is a new series, Confederate Widows, Spinster, and Proxy brides, that might interest you, Here’s the link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CWZHJCGS
I don’t think so.
Welcome! Leaving the familiar is always frightening for some. I’m certain more than one woman felt as you do. Thanks for stopping by P&P.
Welcome! Leaving what is familiar to a person can be difficult for some people. Traveling out West wasn’t for everyone. Thanks for stopping by P&P.
Maybe. It really would depend on my circumstances.
Welcome, Barbara. I’m certain many women back then debated with themselves whether they should stay or go West. Thanks for stopping by P&P
It would depend on my circumstances. It’s usually romanticized in books and movies but I’m sure real life probably didn’t turn out so great for some women.
Welcome, Naomi. After reading accounts of what some women endured, (blistering heat in those dresses, biting winds, snow, bugs, snakes, lack of modern conveniences (bathrooms), a woman needed to be strong to endure whatever life threw at her. Yet, many of them did and thrived. Thanks for stopping by P&P.
If my situation was that I had no other option, I would do it. If I became homeless or if a family member wanted me gone, some kind of situation I could not endure, I think I would write the letter.
Welcome, Joye. I find that in my research, many of the women did want to get away from those situations. However, a good many wanted an adventure. Thanks for stopping by P&P.
I am not the daring type so I probably would not have dared to go West for marriage.
Welcome, Jackie. I’m certain many women felt the same as you do. Thanks for stopping by P&P.
Not most of the time. It would not be for me as I do not buy a pig in a poke. I want to see what I am getting and study it for a while. Not how it was done back then.
Welcome, Judy. Your answer made me laugh out loud! I imagine the men felt the same way, yet, many times, they were not looking for love; rather they needed a mother for their children, someone to help in the fields or their business. Thanks for stopping by P&P.
If I was unhappy at home for some reason, or very poor, or just needed a new way of life for some reason, I think I would have taken a chance on being a mail order bride.
Welcome, Connie. Unhappiness at home, no possibility of income, and adventure were the main reasons women chose to write to a man for the chance to marry. Thanks for stopping by P&P.
I honestly don’t think that I would.
Welcome, Bridget. I’m certain many women felt the same as you do. Thanks for stopping by P&P.
Depending on the situation I was living in, I would seriously consider it.
Welcome. Surprisingly, many of the responders would have considered it. What a wonderfully adventurous group. Thanks for stopping by P&P.
I would have been willing to give it a chance.
Welcome. Good for you! Surprisingly, many of the responders would have considered it. What a wonderfully adventurous group. Thanks for stopping by P&P.
I think I might have…
Welcome, Colleen. Good for you! Surprisingly, many of the responders would have considered it. What a wonderfully adventurous group. Thanks for stopping by P&P.
I think I might have!
Welcome, Lynn. Bravo to you for considering taking a leap of faith. Thanks for stopping by P&P.
Possibly. I met my husband 32 years ago via a personal ad I placed.
Welcome, Alisa. Kudos to you for placing that advertisement. He must be a keeper. Thanks for stopping by P&P.
I might have been wiling to give it a chance, depending on my family situation. I think the people who did were very brave.
Welcome, Megan. I agree with you about the people being brave. To put yourself out there to a stranger is intimidating, but I think they also had a healthy dose of hopefulness for a better future. Thanks for stopping by P&P.
Not sure maybe depending on what the husband expected to get in return because I know men & women always want different things
Welcome, Crystal. Writing letters to one another would certainly give you a feel for what the other person is like and what he/she might expect in a courtship/marriage. Thanks for stopping by P&P.
Possibly. It would be the only way to get to know someone who lived any distance away back then. Thank you for sharing. God bless you.
Welcome, Debbie. Sending letters back and forth certainly would give you time to get to know each other. Thanks for stopping by P&P.
It would have depended on my circumstances. If there were few other good options, I would have tried to be selective and given it a try. I would certainly have looked forward to experiencing the travel, new country, and new way of life.
Welcome, Patricia. Bravo to you for looking at the adventure positively. What great stories to tell your grandchildren. Thanks for stopping by P&P.
Yes! As an introvert, it’s so much easier to communicate by writing.
Welcome, Abby. Writing to a stranger can be a bit intimidating at first; however, it gives you both the freedom to talk about yourself, your likes and dislikes, and what expectations you have for a future together. Thanks for commenting.
I would of I had no other prospects. Neat history lesson. Thanks for the chance to win a prize.
Welcome, Vickie. I’m glad you enjoyed the blog. Thanks for stopping by P&P.
I love seeing little bits of history serve as the basis of stories. It is important for us to remember such things in order to understand why some things today are as they are. Of course, I always tell my history students that, “These are the shadows of things that have been. That they are what they are, do not blame me!” I’ve always thought the line from “A Christmas Carol” is perfect for lessons.