I’ve always been drawn to the courting rituals of old for the structure they provided. The unspoken rules always had to be adhered to—or else.
Courting in your ancestors’ days was entirely different from now. Suitors first called on the girl’s father and got his permission and a time was set. There was no pulling up in front of the house and honking the horn. Nope. There were rules to be obeyed.
At the appointed time of the young man’s arrival, the father would get out a courting candle—a metal contraption that consisted of a heavy coil. He’d set a taper in it and adjust it by turning the candle to whatever height he saw fit. The time was purely at his discretion. He’d then place it where the couple were going to sit.
If he liked the suitor, he might set the candle high so it would burn for a while.
If he didn’t approve of the boy, he’d set the candle low.
But whether high or low, when the candle burned down to the top of the coil, time was up and the father would show the young man to the door. If the suitor argued about it, the dad might show him the toe of his boot! Or a rifle. I’m sure many a one left that way.
On rare occasions when the suitor met with joyous approval, the father might let a second candle burn after the first was all the way down.
These courting candles were used by rich and poor families alike and set boundaries that had to be adhered to. They provided a quiet yet firm reminder that the girl’s father was boss and his word was final.
I sort of like this old tradition where no words needed to be said. The candle spoke loud and clear.
I had no need for a courting candle in my new Courting Miss Emma because she was nearing thirty and her father was out of the picture. Having never been kissed or even knowing of a man’s embrace, she often dreams of being courted. And loved. But as the hangman’s daughter, the chances of any man seeing her as a prospective bride are zero
Yet, their new neighbor Stone Landry didn’t give two hoots about who Emma’s father was. He sees something rare in Emma and he wanted her. However, having spent his life as a soldier, he knows absolutely nothing about courting so his efforts do not go smoothly.
While Emma and Stone are trying to figure that out, they’re forced to unite in a fight against ruthless men determined to take their land and Emma is in a fight for her life. It’s in question if they’ll get that chance to perfect their courting ritual.
Throw in a family of camels, the group of orphans and their humorous escapades, and a crotchety friend who arrives with an old rusted cannon and you have plenty of action.
I hope you give Courting Miss Emma a try. It’s a sweet historical romance.
I’m giving an ebook of Courting Miss Emma to two people who leave a comment mentioning a courting incident either in real life or in a book you read.
Here in the Texas Panhandle, we do love our cowboys. There's just something about a man in a Stetson and jeans that makes my heart beat faster. I'm not much of a cook but I love to do genealogy and I'm a bit of a rock hound. I'm also a NY Times & USA Today bestselling author of historical western romance. You can contact me through my website and I'd love to connect with you on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and more. HAPPY READING!
https://petticoatsandpistols.com/sweepstakesrules/
I have a couple of those courting candles in my decor.
When we were courting, my husband and I only saw each other on weekends, because we lived an hour from each other. I moved to a new state when we married.
denise
Denise, that was often the case in our day and age. Couples were apart and still are when one goes off to college or the military. I’m glad it all worked out for you.
When we were courting, my fiancee’ always met me in his fronyard & we never went inside while there.At my place, if I had an emergency & had to take one of my children to hospital, I’d call him on the phone, & he would mind my chidren from my 1st marriage while I took the sick one off to hospital.
I love when counting in many of the books I have read you had to have a chaperone with you so no fun business would go on, but I love when the chaperone kind of OH LOOK OVER THERE. so the couple could sneak a kiss. I never heard about the courting candle and found it very interesting. I actually have a few of those candles in my home.
I just finished reading The Book Woman of Troublesome Creek by Kim Michele Richardson. Courting candles were a big part of the way courting was done in the mountains of Kentucky where the story takes place. I found it very interesting, along with the backstory of the book, and I learned again, how people often treat each other according to their fears instead of their manners.
Ami, I loved, loved that book!! That’s when I learned so much about courting candles. Have you read the sequel–The Book Woman’s Daughter? It’s about Honey, the baby Cussy Mary rescues that also has the blue blood. It’s so good. But yes, both really show how people can badly treat those who are different. Have a wonderful day.
I always thought it was interesting that the couple had to have a chaperone be with them wherever they went. It would seem hard to try and get to know someone with a third wheel all the the time.
You’re right, Deb. I would’ve hated to have had a chaperone tagging along and hearing everything that was said. It would’ve felt very awkward. Thanks for coming.
Welcome. This is interesting about the candle. A young man that was approved by my family (he was from the same church) picked me up one evening and we were going to see a theater. I really liked him, so I wore my most flattering blouse and I liked to flirt, so I took some cherries along and slowly ate them. We had a lovely time. And he asked for my hand. So worth it all. We have now been married forty years and have two adult children.
Love your courting story, Lori. I’m so glad it worked out for you. I was never courted because my parents wouldn’t allow it. I ended up moving in with my sister who arranged for me to date some young men she knew. I ended up eloping with one. Thanks for coming.
I love hearing about the courting rituals. I always thought it was interesting that in winter, they would actually visit in bed, under the covers, with a courting board between them.
Rhonda, that was a very strange practice to say the least. I’m sure many courting boards were moved out of the way then put back at daylight. I’m so happy you came to read my post.
Howdy Linda! Can’t wait to read this book! Loved the first one!
Shot guns on the rack over the fireplace! That seems to do it!
One of my former dates asked my husband(before we were married),”Did it ever bother you to sit by Tracy’s father, who never said a word, and stare at the shot gun rack??!”LOL I never thought about that! I guess that was pretty sobering!
One time a date came and blew the horn! My father said,”He will come in or leave. At this point, he can leave!” I only remember the horn blowing, so I’m sure that date didn’t last the night! LOL
Tracy, how funny. Fathers really could put the fear of God in young boys. It’s a wonder he didn’t go out to your date who was blowing the horn and send him packing. Some fathers were tough on dating. 🙂 I’m so happy you loved Maura’s book. That makes my day.
When we were dating I was watching my 5 year old brother and a 4 year old sister. My mother was supposed to be home by the time of my date. She didn’t make it on time. So we had a five and four year old accompany us on our date.
How funny, Karijean! I’m sure your brother and sister cramped your date’s style. ha! Hopefully, it was only the one time. That must’ve been awkward. Thanks for sharing your story. Have a blessed day.
mine was missing curfew due to a storm that had gone through and we were out in his car – finally made it to his house and the phone and power was out – so no way to call home (1977!) He had to get his dad’s 4X4 and a chainsaw to cut up the many trees that were down to get me home over an hour late!
Teresa, Wow! I hope your parent’s weren’t too upset. Bet they were worried though by the time you made it home. He sounds like a responsible boy and very handy with a saw. 🙂 Thanks for stopping by.
So fascinating. I wonder how a couple could truly get to know each other before getting married, though.
I had a blind date one time and after the function that we were at I invited a bunch of friend’s back to my house and when everyone was leaving my date was the last to leave, but when he finally left I discovered that one of my brothers and a couple of male friends were hanging out in the backyard waiting to make sure my date when home. I was in my late 20s at the time and I was both amused and grateful, as there was no chemistry on my side and I was worried he would try to take things to the next level.
Kathleen, you were lucky to have your brother and his friends watching out for you. I’m glad you weren’t heartbroken that your date didn’t work out. I’m so happy you came. Thanks.
After my husband and I met, we had a long-distance relationship for a while. He could call me at the designated time each evening, and we would talk for hours. The time flew by.
Janice, thank you for coming to share your story. Sometimes those long-distance relationhips don’t survive but I’m glad yours did. Couples have to talk to learn about each other. Have a blessed day.
When my current boyfriend and I were courting, we would sit in my porch swing and introduce each other to our favorite music. I would have YouTube pulled up on my phone, and I would tell him about a song I liked, and what it meant to me, and then I would play it for him. Then he would do the same for me.
You might say that music brought you together, Kim. You were having fun learning about each other and music was a great way to do that. Have a lovely day. Thanks for coming.
When we were on one of our dates at the drive in my brother and cousin pulled up and parked right beside us.
Linda, how funny! But I’m sure you didn’t think so at the time. You probably wanted to kill them. I hope they didn’t scare off your date. Thanks for coming.
My dad was a pastor and one time a guy from church called him to ask if he could take me out. I think he did that because I hadn’t shown any interest and he figured my dad would say ‘Come get her’ which is exactly what happened. It’d be a nice story if I could say we got together but that didn’t happen and the guy wound up marrying a missionary. Better for all involved. 🙂
Rachel, your dad must’ve really liked the guy. I’m glad it all worked out for the best and you found the right man to marry. Thanks for coming and have a beautiful day.
WOW! This is fascinating. I had never heard about Courting Candles. This book sounds awesome!
Barbara, I found the subject very interesting too and how sad that those old rituals got left behind. They served a big purpose and set a structure for courting with rules to be obeyed. There used to be quite a few of these. I’m glad you like what you read about Courting Miss Emma. 🙂 Maybe you’ll win a copy.
Linda, I learned about courting candles from reading The Book Woman of Troublesome Creek. Never had heard of them before. When Gary and I were dating, our first real date was at a racetrack — and one of the guys that was part of our group pulled knife on another guy and went after him. Gary took the knife away from him and separated them as the fist fighting began. HA! Not too romantic, but plenty exciting. LOL Here we are 47 years later!
Wow, Cheryl! That’s scary. Nope, not too romantic but at least you wound up with Gary. Yes, we’ve talked about The Book Woman. That story is still with me as well as the second one about her daughter. I don’t think I’ll ever forget those. I just looked and book one has over 50k reviews!! A lot of others like it too. Thanks for coming to tell your story. I was never courted or dated. My parents wouldn’t let me. So I moved in with my older sister after high school and I ended up eloping with the first guy that asked me to marry him. It was a mistake of course. Love you dearly, Filly Sister.
I went on a blind date–one time. He was the brother of classmate in college. When he arrived he was tall and big (I’m petite) had a huge head of bushy red hair and a full red beard. Not what I was expecting. We went to see the Poseidon Adventure and it was a real disaster–in more ways than one. I lived at home at the time. The next day I asked Mom what Daddy thought—she said he just stood there laughing as we were leaving!
Diane, how horrible!! He must’ve looked awful and then to know your dad was laughing. Blind dates are hardly ever any good. Thanks for sharing that and coming over. I hope you married a much better man.
I can’t wait to read Courting Miss Emma. This is the first time I have heard of a courting candle and I can say I never had one. I met my husband at work and he wouldn’t take no for an answer. He was asking me every day to go out with him but I felt like we were just friends. He finally did ware me down and we really enjoy spending time together. Have been together for years now.
Quilt Lady, you never know about anyone until you give them a chance. I’m glad you did with him. He must’ve really been smitten. I’m happy you have a good marriage. I hope you like Miss Emma and I think you will get a lot of laughs. Love you, lady.
Wow! I love courting rituals too! I find them fascinating! I don’t have any that are my story as I was a teenager in the 80s and no courting rituals were involved! I do have a funny story about my sister, She was dating a guy my dad really, really didn’t like at all!! She and a friend that was living with us at the time were talking to that boy and another one one night late through the window. They woke my Dad, which was never a good idea! My Dad slipped out of the house and punched the guy in the passenger seat barely half missing him. To this day that guy remembers being half hit by my Dad! He said it was the hardest that he ever got hit! Needless to say my sister and our friend was sent to bed and she never dated that guy again!!
Sheila, how funny! You don’t mess with some fathers! It’s funny too that the guy still remembers that to this day. LOL That’s better though than getting shot like some others have. Thank you so much for sharing that.
Yeah, the guy laughs about it today but he remembers.May be why I never had many guys want to date me, they were scared of my Dad!! lol! He was a Very protective father!! Dad had guns but he was brought up to not use them unless it was life or death! No guy would mess with him!!
My parents dated during the 1950s and one time my Grandma had my Mom scrubbing floors with a brush and bucket! That’s the way my Granma like the floors cleaned! Once a week the floors had to be scrubbed and all the furniture moved and cleaned under it. My Dad arrived to pick up my Mom early and she was on the floor scrubbing, she was so embarrassed! My parents married on Christmas Eve 1959 and were married for 42 years until my Dad’s death in 2001. So I guess he impressed him with her cleaning!!
Such a topic. I was courting in the late 50’s and early 60’s. We did not have a courting candle, but I had a father who was always aware when my boyfriend brought me back home. After a few minutes, he would turn on the yard light as the signal I was to cut it short and get into the house. I did not give him much trouble, but it was always a chance I had to take if I decided I wanted a few more minutes. My dad was a very loving father, but he brooked no disobedience. There are days I look back and wish he had been more strict. It does not hurt to have structure.
Judy, we always knew how far we could push. It’s normal for kids to test the boundary line. I sneaked out of the house through the bedroom window. Never got caught but if I had I would’ve been in huge, huge trouble. I agree that children need structure and discipline (the right kind of that.) Thanks for sharing your story. Have a beautiful day and Happy Thanksgiving.
No courting stories but when my great-grandparents got married her younger brother hid under the bed before their wedding night. Fortunately, they saw his arm sticking out when they entered the bedroom.
JCP, thanks for coming by! Love your story about your great grandparents. I’m sure she was plenty upset at her younger brother. Your story reminds me of my mom and dad who got married during the Depression. They had to live with my dad’s family in a migrant camp so on their wedding night, they had to sleep in the bed with two other children. Wasn’t any hanky panky going on! Have a great rest of your day and Happy Thanksgiving!
I kind of appreciate the old ways of courting. I think they were on to something in how they had rules with a commitment implied of sorts, rather than just doing whatever one wants. Thanks for the chance to win!
I enjoy reading about the courting ritual in Amish fiction books. Thanks for the chance to win a book prize.
Thank you so much for sharing. I had never heard about courting candles. That is so interesting. I have to say, that I am not very familiar in courting practices. There are situations I have seen on television as in Little House on the Prairie and the Waltons. My father was remarried when my husband and I dated. I met my husband at a grocery store. He did not drive. So he did not come to the house right away to meet my Mom. She had seen him at the grocery store where he worked. God bless you.
I learned about courting candles in our blacksmithing group. It is an item they make and they can also be found at several of the historic sites in the area. I then looked up more information about them. It is an efficient method and a good timer before the mechanical versions were available. Whoever cam up with the idea had a good and practical solution to setting the curfew.
No need to enter my name in the drawing. I already have the book. It is enjoyable as usual. I like the way you incorporate children into your stories.