The if not now, then when question has been on my mind as I grow older and played into why I’m writing this while waiting for the remaining passengers to load on my flight to Los Angeles. More about how this unexpected trip came about later. Great teaser, huh? ?
I think I’ve mentioned I’m not big on change. I’m a routine gal. It’s called a comfort zone for a reason, after all. When plans get thrown off, I get stressed. I’m not the most spontaneous person either. As Alison in one of my favorite movies, The Sure Thing says, “Spontaneity has its time and place.” Yup, that’s me.
When I travel, I start thinking about what to take weeks in advance. I consult the weather repeatedly, pull outfits with coordinated jewelry, and plan for contingencies. Because I hate waking up and having to wear something, I take more clothes than necessary. I worry I’ll forget something or have the wrong clothes. I love traveling once I get on the plane, but everything before stresses me out.
For 2023, I’m working on these issues. I want to be more spontaneous and live without regrets. I refuse to let fear or stress hold me back. I’m also tired of putting things off, of saying someday I’ll do _____. Fill in the blank. Visit dear friends who’ve moved away. Travel to Hawaii. Whatever. I’m saying no to things I don’t want to do. That gives me more time for what I love and what brings me joy. Too often we forget how limited and precious time is. We say if only the timing were better. If only I had the money. If only ___. Again, fill in the blank.
Which brings me back to flying to LA. My youngest received a week’s notice he’d been selected as a contestant for a game show taping in LA. Even before we learned neither his boyfriend or best friend could attend, my hubby and I wanted to go. But it wasn’t a good time. Flights would be expensive. My bff, Lori, was to arrive two days before we’d leave for LA. After a long phone conversation, she decided not to go with us to LA, but insisted I go. Her exact words were, “This is a once in a lifetime thing. You are going.” (Thankfully, Southwest would issue a voucher to reschedule if she cancelled her flight.)
So here I am, flying to LA. This trip helped me work on the issues I mentioned earlier. I had to pack with little notice. (I’m impressed how efficiently I did considering if Nathan gets to the final round we will be seen on TV.) Leaving Tuesday and returning Friday threw my work and life routines out the window. The cost was more than we should’ve spent, but hubby and I don’t care. We would have no regrets the way we did when we missed Nathan’s first once in a lifetime experience. Yup, that’s right. Nathan, at 25, has had two once in a lifetime experiences.
While Nathan was in college, Tony award winning actress Kristin Chenoweth sang at Rowan University and needed backup singers. When no baritone students auditioned, the professor charged of selecting the singers contacted Nathan . Between the super short notice—maybe two days—and it being December, tickets prices were insane. (More than double the LA tickets.) We didn’t go, and I’ve always regretted not being there.
I’m trying to ask myself “If not now, then when,” when I have decisions to make. If I may never get this opportunity again or I’ll have regrets, I’m saying yes.
I’m writing this last bit on the plane home. While I can’t share how the game went for Nathan until after his episode airs, I can say hubby and I were incredibly blessed to have shared this experience with him because if not now, then when would we ever have a chance like this again?
Giveaway: To be entered in my giveaway for the Valentine’s Day heart shirt and a signed copy of Family Ties, tell me what’s one spur of the moment decision you’re glad you made.
Julie Benson has written five novels for Harlequin American, and her Wishing, Texas series is available from Tule Publishing. Now that her three sons have left the nest in Dallas, when she isn't writing, Julie spends her time working on home improvement projects, rescuing dogs, and visiting Texas wineries with her husband. Visit her at www.juliebenson.net.
travel
Thanks for being here this morning. I haven’t done a lot of traveling, but I’ve enjoyed what trips I’ve taken, too.
I was offered an all-expenses-paid trip to San Francisco to speak to the R&D of a company I had been testing a product for. At-home mom with no childcare said yes and worry about the details when my husband got home.
That trip turned out to be a commercial with a SAG contract. It paid for the dining room furniture I wanted so badly.
Congratulations to your son. I’m glad you’re going. Prayers he goes all the way and we get to see him (and you) on TV! Safe travels.
Denise, I love your story and that it turned out so great. What a leap of faith you took that you could get everything worked out!
Nathan’s trip went well, and he will be on TV! We will get word a week before the episode and then I’ll post the details!
I can’t remember ANY spur-of-the-moment decision I’ve ever made. At 72, that’s kind of pathetic. But after this post maybe I’ll make one. Thanks, Julie, for a different perspective.
Kathy, don’t feel bad about that. As I said, I’m not big on doing spontaneous things like this. I’ll be honest, this trip really stressed me out. Being open doesn’t always mean doing big things like taking a last minute trip. It can be as simple as putting aside plans that you had for the day to spend the day with a friend (for fun) or because they need a hand. I bet you’ve done things like that a lot. We don’t think about something like that as being spontaneous or making a spur of the moment decision, and yet it is. Anytime we put aside what we planned to do for what we feel needs to be done instead is making a spur of the moment decision.
Thank you for being here today to chat. Take care and stay safe in all this crazy weather we’re having.
Good morning Julie – one of the most important spur of the moment events was when my husband hired a pilot to fly us to Gillette, Wyoming, so I could see my dad one more time before he earned his angel wings. I will never forget that weekend, and I will always cherish my husband for seeing the importance of family being together. My dad has been in heaven 43 years, but when I think of the kindness and love, my husband showed me, I still well up in tears. Happy Valentine’s Day to you and yours, Julie. I’m glad you took that trip to be with Nathan. I keep telling our kids that you can’t take back time. I especially learned that within the last two years. It has changed me.
Kathy, thanks for being here this morning! What a wonderful husband you have. A lot of men wouldn’t even think of doing what your husband did in order for you to have that last special weekend with your father. You actually got a double gift–time with your father and knowing your husband cared enough to make that happen.
Kevin and I are so glad we took the trip with Nathan. It ended up being an incredible bonding experience with him. It definitely wouldn’t have been the same hearing about it afterwards. I also think it wouldn’t have been the same if we hadn’t been there to share his joy. (I can’t wait to give details about when the episode airs!) His ability to just take a risk and put himself out there without fear never ceases to amaze me. (He’s my actor kid. He got a bachelor’s degree in musical theatre and is now going to grad school to get a masters in accounting. He’s realized he needs a day job in order to do his first love of musical theatre.)
I agree with you about how cancer changes a person. I think that’s when I started saying no to things that didn’t bring me joy. That was when I realized life was too short, and I needed to spend my time where it was important. What you tell your kids about time is true too. Whenever a mom is struggling about whether to go back to work or not, that’s what I always say. I tell them you can always go back to work if you miss it, but you can’t say you want to go back and spend those first years at home with your child.
Take care and thanks again for brightening my cold, icy Dallas morning!
I’m not a spur of the moment kind of person. I have to think about it first and make plans. I can’t remember acting on a spur of the moment decision, I might have, but don’t remember.
Connie, I bet you have, but it may not have been with what we consider “big” things. You’re probably more like me. If a friend calls and asks you to go to lunch, I bet you go. (Unless you have something you can’t change.) If someone needs to talk, you listen even if that means setting aside your to-do list. Until I wrote started talking to y’all today, I didn’t realize those things are being spontaneous, too. And those little ways of letting go of our routine can be a big deal to someone who needs our time.
Thanks for being here today. Take care and stay safe.
traveling with in laws to their trip to Arizona in November of 2015, we lost my MIL 7 years ago tomorrow!
Teresa, how wonderful you said yes to that opportunity. November is a tough time of the year to go on a trip. We’re always so caught up in the holidays and what we feel we have to do that we don’t stop to think what we want or should do. I bet the trip has given you a lot of wonderful memories of you MIL.
Thank you for being here today. May memories of that November trip and others comfort you tomorrow on the anniversary tomorrow.
A friend mentioned that we should celebrate our 40th anniversaries together and take a cruise so we quickly made arrangements and off we went! That was eight years ago.
What a great time we had!
Melanie, how wonderful! I always regret that my hubby and I didn’t do something for our 40th a couple years ago. If I had it to do again, I’d at least go somewhere, even if it wasn’t far and only for a weekend.
Thanks for being here today to chat. Take care and stay safe.
congratulations and safe travels. I dont have too many spur of the moments in my life. But one time when my husband and I were walking around Woodfield mall, I spotted a wonderful desk with a computer key board pull out and I just had to have it. Up until that time I was doing all of my work on the dining room table and putting it away for meals or other things. And best of all my husband could put it all together. This was thirty years ago and I still have it and love it. quilting dash lady at comcast dot net
Lori, what a cute story, especially since you’re still using the desk. I can’t imagine having to put away my work things in addition to dealing with dinner every day because that’s always been a tough time at my house. We call 4:30 to 6 around our house the bewitching hour. The kids were always cranky this time of day, and I have to admit I often am, too. Now, it’s the dogs who go wacko around that time. Then once we feed them, they settle right down.
Thanks for stopping by today to chat. Take care and stay safe.
I decided to go to a (dull) business meeting once and I won the door prize. A trip to the Caribbean Yeah!
Joye, wow! That is so cool. What a great reward for attending a business meeting, much less a boring one. I hope you had a fabulous time. A trip to the Caribbean sounds great right now. It’s in the 20’s and icy here in Dallas today. Worse yet, there’s a chance we’ll get more icy drizzle or sleet. I would so love to be on a warm, sandy beach right now.
Take care, stay safe, and thanks for being here today to chat with me.
I decided to get shoulder replacement done Dec.28 which I had been having a lot of problems with for a few years. I am not sure just yet if it was the right decision yet because I am still in the middle of recovery but everyone says that I will be happy when its over. I just know I have a lot of therapy a head of me.
Despite all the medical advancements, it takes a lot of courage to have any kind of replacement. Hang in there with the physical therapy. From what I’ve heard, that makes a huge difference in a person’s recovery. . Take care. May you have a speedy and hugely successful recovery. Thank you for being here today.
Love this! Glad you went! Can’t wait to hear how Nathan did. So glad you were able to share it with him. I missed my daughter doing her first play while she was in college. It was the first show of hers that I ever missed. And she and I both regret it. So in December, she was in a play in NY, I did what you did and hopped on a plane and got there. So glad I did. It’s sometimes hard to pry me out of my house as I liked to stay home and just write but sometimes you just gotta go! 🙂
Leanna, welcome to the corral! Im a real home body too, so it’s pretty hard to get me to go places too. I’m so glad you went to your daughter’s play in NYC. We would go twice a year to New Jersey to see Nathan in his productions. I wouldn’t trade those memories or the ones from LA for anything. More details to come on Nathan’s game show episode when we can legally say more. ?
When there is an opportunity grab it. In life which is fleeting we have to enjoy every minute and take advantage. When I was married we never traveled, never went on vacations and never enjoyed life. My husband was mean and then he died young. I inherited a legacy from his late mother and have now traveled the world. I am older and wiser and realized what I missed out on when I was younger.
Ruth, thank you for being here today. When I was a child we never went on vacations or did anything fun. I look back now and realize how much we missed out on because my mom was so worried about money and getting stuff done around the house. You’re so right. That’s a sad way to live and life is too short to spend it that way! Good for you for making the most of every minute now. Enjoy your travels.
At 78 years of age, I am certain I have had such an experience, but at my age, with memories being very hard to recall, I simply cannot remember. I almost always acted on my adventurous side which sometimes were not too smart. Boy, do I have a lot to be forgiven for! Anyway, whatever they were I no longer remember, sad to say. So happy you were able to be involved in your son’s spectacular event. By the way, I can recall many occasions when I DID NOT act on a spur of the moment decision and I will always regret those times as one can never reclaim them.
Judy, thanks for sharing your thoughts with me today. Haven’t we all acted a little to adventurously when we were younger? I sure have times that I’d like to redo. But I’m trying to say yes to those things that I would regret not doing. We had such a wonderful time sharing this adventure with our youngest. It was quite a thrill for hubby and I, too!
Take care and stay safe.
I do not make many spur of the moment decisions… more of a planner…. like routine.
Colleen, I’m the planner of planners. I seriously do start packing for trips two weeks in advance. I’m also an introvert. After coming back from LA, I had to decompress from all the people time I’d had. Lol. I try to say yes when my kids ask me to do something unless I have something I can’t reschedule. My mom never wanted to go anywhere or do anything whenever we invited them. Eventually I stopped asking. I don’t want that happening with my children. But it’s still hard for me.
Thank you for being here today. Take care and stay safe.
I enjoyed reading about your trip experience. Really interesting!
About ten years ago I had gotten afraid to fly and one day my friend called and asked me to fly to Oakland for a baseball game that night. I surprised myself (and my friends) when I went to the airport and got on the plane. It’s less than a one hour flight but my fear was about the takeoff and landing. Got a cab to the ballpark and drove back home with them the next day and am grateful that ever since that trip I’m not afraid to fly. I can go wherever I want now. Many times I’ll fly across the country and take Amtrak back because I enjoy seeing the country that way.
Rachel, take offs and landings make me nervous, too. I think it started when I had children. Isn’t it amazing how they change a person’s perspective?
What courage it took to get to the ballpark alone. Just the thought of getting from the airport to the stadium makes me nervous. But like you, I’m trying to control my nerves. Every time I go out of my comfort zone and do something like this it gives me more courage.
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your adventures. Take care and stay safe.
P.S. Traveling on an Amtrack is on my bucket list!
I usually don’t make spur of the moment’s decisions. I like planning.
I’m exactly the same way, but at times I’ve missed out on things. I’m trying to be more open and not let having short notice for something keep me from going.
Thanks for being here today. Take care and stay safe.
I enjoyed your story and thoughts. Spur of the moment is rare for me but being old now it is something to think about. This past summer I was not going to attend a wedding but at the last minute decided that I would. The experience was memorable and special.
Sharon, I think the older I get the more I have to make an effort to not just stay around the house. I’m glad you decided to go to the wedding last summer and that you made memories to hold onto.
Thank you for being here today. Take care and stay safe.
moving, making a new friend
Thanks for stopping by today. I agree. Making a new friend is always a good decision.
Not much of a spur of the moment type of person. When I was a teenager I remember signing up for a pen pal in some teen magazine. I was nervous about writing to a stranger, but I am so glad I took the chance because she and I have now been friends for over 30 years.
Cherie, how exciting to have a pen pal that you’ve stayed friends with for 30 years.
I am glad you are learn ing to be more spontaneous. It is quite freeing.
I have always been a bit spontaneous. I am a big planner, but can change directions at any time if needed. As a military wife whose husband could and was shipped out with little to no notice for however long it would be, flexibility was a key. You learn to change plans at a moments notice and go with it. Birthdays, holidays, and special days are just dates on the calendar and can be celebrated when you get the chance.
When I was overseas in the Peace Corps, any time I had a break, I would throw a few things in a bag and take off to a part of the country I hadn’t yet seen. Sometimes I would go with others, but often went by myself.
Going waaay back to the year we were married, there was a lot of flexibility and spontaneity needed. We got engaged and he was sent to Southeast Asia in B-52’s. We had to postpone the wedding a couple of weeks because his tour was extended. We moved in to base housing and he got orders and was sent back to the war 5 weeks after getting home. I discovered I was pregnant shortly thereafter and miscarried after a bad fall at 3 months. He called the middle of November and told me he wanted me in Guam by the end of the week to be there for Thanksgiving. Made it 3 days later after the 22 or so hour flight. I stayed about a month. He was to be home for Christmas, but of course plans changed again. The night I was to fly to his mother’s, the flight crews were confined to base. They didn’t say why, but I knew the war had changed and they did start bombing Hanoi and the North the next day. We didn’t get our farewell dinner or him taking me to the airport. I left and spent the next few weeks worrying every time a plane went down. He finally got home and we celebrated Christmas a few weeks late. Better late than never, which sadly was the case for too many.
We still tend to decide last minute to just take off for an adventure and it is a great way to operate.
Patricia, you did learn to be flexible. I can’t imagine how difficult it was for you in those days. My son was deployed twice but was never where the fighting was. I was still scared. And the wars at the time when your husband was deployed had such high casualty rates. I always knew you were a strong lady, but you’re titanium! Thank you for sharing your story .
My husband worked nights. I took him to work and returned home. I decided I wanted to be one of the first people to get the VHS of the Titanic movie. I went back out and stood in line outside Best Buy so I could purchase it. No one knew I was there. When I returned home, I called my husband and my Mom. Both of them were upset with me for being out alone at midnight. I had fun doing it. Thank you for sharing. God bless you.
Debbie, what a cute story. My husband would’ve been mad too. I bet you enjoyed every moment of that movie more than any other since.
I had been invited to go to a wedding last month in Texas, but my dad got sick and was in the hospital for about a week. So I decided to stay home. He’s fine now, but some relatives of mine who were also invited came back sick with covid. So I’m kind of glad that I couldn’t go since I wouldn’t want to have to deal with that, and I guess I’m lucky that I have never gotten covid.
Diana, sometimes those last minute change in plans we make are blessings. Believe me, the last thing you want is a bout of COVID. My hubby breezed right through it working from home the entire time he was sick. Me, I was sick for a week, most of it in bed, and it took my another 3 weeks to get my energy back.
I am a planner and cannot think of a time in my life when I made a spur of the moment decision. Thanks for the chance to win a prize.