Arranged Marriages and a Give Away!

by

In my latest book, my heroine, despite watching some of her friends find love matches, is resigned to the fact that she should marry well and within her class. She’s been raised to do it, and it’s hard for her to go against this. And no wonder. Families back in the day had a lot of say when it came to marriage of one of their own. If you were part of high society, such as my heroine, you came with a generous dowery that was incentive for a prospective groom to propose. When it came to money and marriage, the finances were discussed by both parties and many had to have a prenuptial agreement.

My heroine’s other dilemma was the fact her friends found love matches with those below their social class. This was a hard pill for her to swallow as marriage was encouraged only within one’s class. If you wanted to move up the social ladder, you were called an upstart. Too far up and you were a gold digger. On the other hand, to marry someone in a lower social class was considered marrying beneath oneself. In some cases, you could wind up a laughingstock. Love had to be stronger than one’s bank account to warrant such a move.

In the east arranged marriages were more common, and quite often the couple only met a few times, or not at all, prior to the wedding. Meanwhile out west, where arranged marriages were becoming a thing of the past, the mail-order bride took over. Once again two people were getting married without knowing each other. They got hitched then hoped for the best!

Through history and into modern times, the practice of arranged marriages has been encouraged by a combination of factors. In some countries there’s the practice of child marriage, two people betrothed at birth. When they come of age, they marry. There are also late marriages, tradition, culture, religion, poverty and limited choice. There were also things like disabilities, wealth and inheritance issues and political, social and ethnic conflicts

Arranged marriages began as a way of uniting and maintaining upper class families. Eventually, the system spread to the lower classes where it was used for the same purpose. Remember that rule about marrying in one’s own class?

Back in Victorian society, women had one main role in life. Get married and take part in their husbands’ dealings, interests, and business. Before marriage, they would learn domestic skills such as cooking, washing, and cleaning, unless they were from a wealthy family. Is it any wonder my heroine is fighting between finding true love and marrying the man her parents found for her? He’s wealthy, his family powerful. He’s even not bad to look at. Unfortunately, he also has terrible allergies and the personality of a door stop. What’s a debutante to do?


I’m giving away one free e-copy of my yet to be released, A Match for the Debutante, to one person from the comments below. Most of us don’t know anyone who had an arranged marriage or was a mail-order bride, but it’s fun to ask ourselves the question, could we marry someone we barely knew? To ask ourselves this question living in the 21st century, most of us would say nope! But if you lived in the Victorian era, could you do it?

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USA Today bestselling author Kit Morgan is the author of over 180 books of historical and contemporary western romance! Her stories are fun, sweet stories full of love, laughter, and just a little bit of mayhem! Kit creates her stories in her little log cabin in the woods in the Pacific Northwest. An avid reader and knitter, when not writing, she can be found with either a book or a pair of knitting needles in her hands! Oh, and the occasional smidge of chocolate!

50 thoughts on “Arranged Marriages and a Give Away!”

  1. I could be a Mail Order Bride….even at my age now I’d consider it if i ad te desired qualities….or at least an online relationsip tat turns into a marriage. I wouldn’t trust anyone to arrange a marriage for me. No one knows me tat well and I wouldn’t even want any of tem coosing a date foe me let alone a marriage partner for eternity.
    (please don’t enter me for te ebook….i just wanted to participate and sorry my letter after g is not working rigt :/

    • I know what that’s like, Sabrina. The letter i went out on my old laptop. It would be quite the adventure to be a mail order bride! As to arranged marriages, in a lot of cases, the bride and groom didn’t have much say about things. But as time went on they did.

  2. If I lived in the Victorian era, I would consider an arranged marriage, because I would trust my father to do what was best for me, but I would insist on getting to know the man first. However, I have an independent nature, so if I felt like he wouldn’t suit at all, I would probably assert that independence.

    • You and me both, Debra. I remember way back in high school when one of my friend’s parents were trying to set her up with a guy. A young cowboy no less! But she would have none of it. If she lived back in the 1800’s, she’d jump ship and run for sure!

  4. My grandmother arrived from norway in 1922 and in 3 years she was married. Her husband had been born in Norway but arrived in the states when he was a child. It may of not been arranged (we don’t know) but for someone who was still a newbie It’s still interesting.

  6. If I had been brought up in that era, I probably wouldn’t think twice about it but I sure wouldn’t do it in this era!

  7. I had a friend in high school whose parents had an arranged marriage in Italy.

    I also had a friend who had to go back to India for college and then an arranged marriage. I know going back to life in India was difficult for her after living in the USA for a decade.

    I guess if I had lived in the Victorian era, I probably wouldn’t have had much of a choice, though I would have preferred a love match.

    Considering we were middle class and my dad had a blue collar job, he had this rule that women could only marry up or at the same level, but they couldn’t marry down. And I was told I had to marry a guy with a college degree, even though no one in my family had. Lol Believe me, I was lectured about dating a few of the guys who didn’t measure up. Luckily it all worked out.

  10. I’m not sure- I have mixed feelings about it. I do know someone who went through an online app. They are still married and seem to be happy 13 years later.

  11. I don’t think I could do it. I have never tried any dating apps or the like. It works for some people, I just don’t think it would work for me.

    • Back in the day women did it for survival. I think that’s one of the reasons we like mail order bride books. They not only had to survive, but its fun to see if they find love to boot!

    • If we all lived back then, I think most of us would. So much depended on survival issues. Kind of makes you wonder what would have happened if there had never been a gold rush. People would have eventually gone west, but whole families. The need for mail order brides wouldn’t have been there as much.

  14. I would consider it. I know people who had known their first spouse for a very long time and then after years of marriage divorced, and I’ve known others who didn’t know each other for long and their marriage is still going strong. It would really depend on how we met and who arranged the meeting.

    • Me too, Trudy. I know quite a few couples that married within six months of meeting each other and are still happily married today. While some of the ones that knew each other a year or more beforehand, are divorced.

  16. I know someone whose daughter was a Mail. Order bride about twenty years ago to a man in Alaska. I lost touch with the mother but I’ve wondered how that marriage turned out. Good post. Most people today don’t realize how difficult it would be to go against your lifetime adherence to class structure.

    • True. Which is why it was fun to play with for my book. And wow, a mail order bride to a man in Alaska? I had no idea they did that sort of thing for that part of the country. Usually its bride from the Philippines coming to America.

  18. I guess we never really know what we would do if faced with dire circumstances. With fewer opportunities to support oneself back then, I guess many of us might consider it as a last resort.

  20. If I was in a desperate situation and needed to get away from home fast, I would consider marrying someone I didn’t know much about.But I would certainly try to get as much information as possible before I took the plunge.

  21. It’s hard to put myself in the shoes of someone whose marriage is being arranged because that just seems so foreign to me nowadays. I don’t know if I could do it. Maybe if the marriage was arranged, but I had the privilege of opting out if the match just wasn’t suitable. I know some people who arrange marriages that way. Arranged, yet the young people are at least given the opportunity to get to know one another first to see if they can form a good relationship. I’m very glad I got to choose my own husband… with God’s guiedance, of course! He blessed me with the best!! 🙂

    • Yes, it’s hard for us to imagine. Back then, however, especially in the upper classes, a young lady was raised with the knowledge that her parents would choose a husband for her. As time went on, however, and arranged marriages became less and less, those young ladies started to have more of a choice. Thank Heaven for that!

  23. I doubt I would be able to marry a total stranger. I did marry a classmate from high school that I really didn’t know all that well. We knew each other in school but were just casual acquaintances. I met him again 7 years later just at dinner with friends twice and visiting for a couple hours twice. We didn’t see each other for almost 5 months when he flew to the other side of the world to propose. We did visit with each other for a day every 3 weeks when I got back to the States, but he left for Southeast Asia 4 months later for 6 months. No computers to connect, very few phone calls, but we did write letters. We got married 3 weeks after he got back. We didn’t get to know each other well before marriage, but our 50th anniversary is this year. We are best friends, (which is as important as the love we share) and still learning more about each other.

  25. Pretty sure I would when it was common practice and I didn’t know what I do now. I also have a strong personality and would likely not deal with an abusive relationship well. Neglect I would probably expect and know how to handle, but I’d probably be a mail order bride or laughing stock before dealing with a potentially, or known, abusive person. In other cases, I’d likely consider it my duty to my family and bite the bullet.

  27. In response to your question, No, I could not marry someone unless I loved him. My first marriage is one I wish I had not undertaken. My parents did not choose him, I did. And this day I do not know why I did. I guess I just wanted attention. So, I could not marry someone unless I had love in my heart and respected him and he also respected me.

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