Fashion Over Function

 

When I was pregnant with my daughter I did a needlepoint that said, “A daughter is a little girl that grows up to be a friend.”

At the time, I hoped that it would be true.

My oldest daughter, Julia, graduated from high school last year, and in just a few months, she’ll be turning eighteen. I know I’ll always be her mom, and I hope that she’ll always look to me for advice and guidance, but our relationship definitely feels like a friendly one as well.

I know her time in our home is finite, and I would never want her to not move on with whatever God calls her to do or go. But I want to cherish the time that she’s here – late night runs to Dunkin Donuts for salted caramel hot chocolate, getting dressing rooms across from each other as we try on clothes, walking by her at the table as she has her Bible and notebook spread out in front of her doing her devotions, shoving my writing aside as she throws herself across my bed and we talk about the right way to respond to someone who has hurt us.

Julia and I are about as opposite as two people can be. Just one of the many ways we are different is that she is amazingly talented at making things look beautiful – clothes, designs, our dinner table, entire rooms. She’s amazing. And she loves doing it.

Like most people, I love looking at pretty things.

However, I could never color in the lines – I still remember the frustration in my elementary art teacher’s voice as she looked at my hideous papers – and have zero talent in this area. None. I’m much more about function than fashion. I don’t care what the boots look like as long as they don’t leak. I’m not concerned about my hair style as long as it’s not in my face. I don’t notice the dirt on our vehicles and I don’t think about cleaning out our refrigerator until it’s full, and I realize I need to make space.

Anyway, last fall, Julia wanted to decorate our downstairs and I told her she could. Why not?

My husband and I did some remodeling after we moved in about fifteen years ago. I don’t really get picky about stuff. All I wanted was a big kitchen (because that’s where I spend all my time, right?) and big windows, because I love to look out and I also love having the sunlight stream in.

Well, our kitchen is about the size of a postage stamp, but I did get some nice windows. : )

I think I mentioned we live way out with no neighbors, so I’ve never had curtains on my windows. I wanted the windows for the function – being able to look out and also letting the sun in!

So, when Julia decorated, she got these really pretty white, flowy curtains and hung them in the windows. Ha. She put some greenery around them with lights and everything looks so pretty and amazing. But I laugh when I look at them, because it’s just Julia and I being different. I’d rather be able to look out than have pretty windows.

I would never tell her that.

So, a few weeks ago, in the middle of February, the girls and I and some friends were going on a trip to upstate New York. The day before we left, I was sitting on the floor, trying to get some words in, when Julia came in all dressed up. I guess I’ve had daughters long enough now that I realized she was picking out outfits to take with us on our trip. (Give me a few more years and I might actually think ahead and expect this rather than looking at her blankly for five minutes as she turns around in front of my full length mirror – which she doesn’t want in her room because it doesn’t match her decor, so I have it in mine, for her convenience. : )

“What do you think, mom?” she asks.

Okay, I’m speaking to the ladies here for a moment. Because we know this is a trick question, right?

So, the Bible commands us to be honest. We’re also commanded to be kind. Mutually exclusive at times, right?

Julia is standing in front of me with a flowy shirt on (I can’t remember what color…it might have had stripes, I’m not sure), a mustard yellow skirt, which was really cute and that color is trendy, I think. The skirt was knee length. Her lower legs were bare and she was wearing open-toe, strappy sandals with four inch heels.

I clear my throat. “It’s gonna be cold in Rochester.” (This is a safe statement.)

“This is a winter outfit.”

(Boy, I want to argue with that.) “It’s going to be a lot colder there and there’s always snow on the ground.” I’m eyeing her toes, all ten of them.

“These shoes are good in the snow.”

“Julia. Your toes are sticking out.” Okay, I’m pointing out the obvious here, because…come on. “You’re going to freeze to death just walking between the car and the auditorium.”

“Don’t be so dramatic.”

“Couldn’t you wear tights and boots?”

“Tights would look ridiculous with this outfit and my boots don’t match.”

Okay, ladies, we all know why she’s wearing this outfit, right? sigh This is where I am SO tempted to say to her, no one is going to look at you wearing that outfit in Rochester, NY in the middle of February and think you have a brain.

But that wouldn’t be very nice.

Also, I raised three boys. I’ve never met a teenaged boy who looked at a girl and cared whether or not she had a brain. Just saying.

So, I give up on the tights because it’s her feet that are actually going to be in the snow. “I just think boots would be a really good idea.”

“But I LOVE these shoes. And they’re so cute with this outfit.”

So, yeah. She packed the shoes. I could have made her wear the boots. Julia is the sweetest kid ever and she would have listened, and she would have had a great attitude, too, if I would have told her no way on the shoes.

But this isn’t going to kill her and she can make this decision/mistake (lol) herself, right?

So, yeah. Thursday evening we’ve arrived in Rochester, unpacked and dressed for the evening. We get into the elevator at the hotel. It’s like seven degrees outside. The wind is blowing and there’s snow on the ground.

Julia is wearing her strappy sandals, the knee-length skirt with no tights, and the flowy blouse. It’s like I said we were going to Rochester and Julia heard Hawaii.

I know she packed her boots and as we get into the elevator, I say, “Are you sure you don’t want to wear your boots? I think you’re going to be really cold.”

“My boots don’t match.”

“Everyone else there will be wearing boots.” I very seldom, if ever, use this argument on my kids. It has never been my goal to have my kids do what everyone else does. But, I’m kind of desperate.

“I don’t think so. Lots of people are going to have cute shoes that match their outfits.”

I have my doubts about that. Most of the other kids there probably have mothers that wouldn’t dream of allowing their child to dress in such a way that they’re almost guaranteed to freeze to death if the car breaks down. The elevator door starts to close as Julia and I are “discussing” this.

The doors are half-shut when a woman rushes around the corner. We stop the doors. They open and she hurries on.

She’s wearing a dress coat that covers her body from her ears to her toes, thick, furry winter boots, a corded scarf that’s wrapped around her neck and up her chin, a big, knitted hat and warm, fuzzy gloves.

The elevator goes completely silent. A big change from Julia and my slightly heated discussion.

The woman, who is standing in front of me and beside Julia, glances around the elevator. (Okay, this is where I admit that I left home and forgot my coat. I never wear it anyway. I’m standing there in a long sleeved shirt and puffer vest. Full disclosure – I did pack my flip flops, but I wasn’t wearing them Thursday evening. Honest.)

The lady leans forward, and, in a stage whisper speaks next to Julia’s ear. “You guys aren’t from around here, are you?”

Forgive me, but I snorted. Loudly.

Julia turns big eyes on the lady. “How did you know?”

The lady looks at me, then back to Julia. “You’re not really dressed for the weather.”

The lady became an instant friend. The elevator ride wasn’t that long, but we did a lot of laughing on

 

it.

Okay. We made it home from Rochester. Miraculously, Julia didn’t lose any toes to frost bite, and, maybe even more miraculously, I was not imprisoned or fined by child services. (I also did not drive on any sidewalks, but that is a completely different story.)

Moving on, I actually do write books (maybe some of you are doing some deep contemplation right now – do I really want to read books written by a crazy woman who wears flip flops in Rochester, NY in February and sets herself on fire? I’m sorry, I can’t answer that for you.) and I am in a year-long promo where we are

 

 

offering almost 100 books for FREE. You can check it out here: https://www.facebook.com/sweetandswoonyromance

 

Thanks so much for spending time with me today!

 

~Jessie

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25 thoughts on “Fashion Over Function”

  1. What a cute story. This is the way to start a day, with laughter. Thanks for sharing with us. I hope Julia’s toes are okay.

  2. Lol. Not surprised. That’s how the girls dress around here.

    My youngest, 16 (almost 17), refuses to wear pants to school. On the few days the temps were hovering in single digits at bus stop time, I highly suggested he wear sweatpants–he refused. Won’t wear a winter coat. He only wears sneakers.

    The day we did Christmas decorating at the hospital, I forced him to wear athletic pants. I told him that with getting up and down on the floor with the trees, he had to. Those public places in hospitals are full of germs.

    In fact, there is a winter coat in my coat closet we bought for the oldest at least a decade ago. It’s only been worn a few times. My boys will only wear medium-weight jackets or hoodies in winter. The middle nearly froze at his brother’s college lacrosse game, finally agreeing to share a blanket with me.

    • Ha! I remember hating to wear a coat when I was a teen. Actually, I still hate to wear a coat (although I think I’ve gotten a little smarter over the years?). They just make me feel stifled or something. But I looove blankets. : ) It was fun to hear about your son! I’m sure he’ll get wiser as he gets older, too!

  3. A very nice story. It’s nice u have such a great relationship with your daughter no matter how old she is.

  4. So this is the uber-talented, extra-creative, and mind-blowing artistic Julia??? I had no idea she was so young. Dang, that girl has a great career (whatever she wants it to be) in her future!!

    As the mother of four daughters (no sons), I can relate to the fashion wars! I do think moms nowadays face extra pressure from social media and their daughters’ peers about having them dress, um, decently, but I can relate to Denise, too, in that her son won’t wear long pants or coats. My grandsons are the same way. And then they stuff their hands in their pockets and hunch their shoulders outside because they’re cold.

    Makes Grandma a little crazy.

    Fun story, Jessie – and make sure you wear your coat!! It’s Winter outside!

    • Haha! This happened a couple of years ago – Julia is going to be twenty soon, but yes, she’s one and the same. : ) Thank you for your kind words!

      I understand about “decent” dress! That was one of the hardest things with girls. I bet four girls was crazy fun at your house! My girls get to talking and it just sounds like mass confusion, but everyone hears and understands. lol

      Yeah, that hunch shouldered look…ha – you got it exactly right! A little crazy is good, but too much…well, you know what happens then! ; )

  5. I’ve had similar situations before with my daughters. Once was one of my daughters worn a mini dress to church, I told her it was too short, but she insisted on wearing it. Our pastor’s wife talked to her and had her bend over as if to pick something up and her underwear was close to showing. My daughter never worn that dress again.

  6. Jessie – I was grinning through this whole post. So funny . . . and true. I have a daughter as well, and while we are very similar in many ways, there are keys places where our differences clash. I’m a schedule keeper, Bethany’s a procrastinator – but a super smart one, so she gets away with it, which drives me crazy. I don’t have to worry about her not dressing warmly enough, though. She wears her coat even indoors. Ha!

    • Isn’t it crazy how they have our genes, but they’re so different from us? Bethany sounds amazing – like she knows herself and what she’s capable of. It also sounds like your differences can complement each other. What a great thing to have in a daughter. : )

  7. Welcome today. This sounds a lot like my daughter and I. The only difference is while living at home (from birth until age 19) she wanted absolutely nothing to do with mom. Sigh I will be honest it was tough. But now she is living in CA and we text and talk all the time. We share things and laugh together. God is good. I just needed to wait until she was an adult for her to realize that family is the most important thing. This is such a fun story about your daughter. I can so relate

  8. Your posts always make me smile and maybe chuckle a little, especially because I have daughters and sons too and I can relate. 🙂 Thanks for sharing about the promo (as a fellow Filly who has a book available) 😀 I hope everyone goes on over to check it out. I’ve already downloaded yours and can’t wait to read it!

    • There are just some things that are universal among kids, right? : )

      Your book was the first one I downloaded! I can’t wait to read it! Who doesn’t want to hear about almost a hundred free books, right? : )

    • Haha! It was always a difference between me and mine, too! But we have different strengths so we work well together.

  9. Great story. I’m’m with you on choosing function over form, though if it can be both pretty and functional I’ll choose that every time.

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