Fall off that horse and come on in!

In 2018, I wrote on western, and particularly Texas, sayings. Then all of you commented with others I hadn’t heard. You had me laughing pretty much all day. My favorite came from fellow filly, Pam Crooks. “He’s foolish enough not to realize he shouldn’t jump a barbed wire fence naked.”

Pam’s saying reminded me of my four Wishing Texas Series heroes, because that’s the kind of friends they are. When one is being a jerk, the others call him on it. As my heroes aren’t traditional cowboys riding on the ranch, I often add western or Texas sayings to add to their western character. I had to find a way to use Pam’s saying. I’m writing Book 4 now, To Marry A Texas Cowboy, and Zane’s best friend says to him, “I suppose you think jumping a barbed wire fence naked is a good idea too.”

As I sat to write today’s post, I realized I needed a laugh. With everything going on in the world, I figured you could too. So, here are some sayings I found but didn’t have space for last time. I hope they make you smile and maybe even chuckle.

Might was well. Can’t dance, never could sing, and it’s too wet to plow.

So crooked you can’t tell from his tracks if he’s coming or going.

If I say a hen dips snuff, you can look under her wing for the can.

He’d argue with a wooden Indian.

He’s the only hell his mama ever raised.

He may not be a chicken, but he has his henhouse ways.

So dry the trees are bribing the dogs.

Better to keep your mouth shut and seem a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.

He’s got a big hole in his screen door.

She’s two sandwiches short of a picnic.

He always draws the best bull.

He could sit on the fence and the birds would feed him.

My newest foster Bella, to make you smile!

If a trip around the world cost a dollar, I couldn’t get to the Oklahoma line.

He’d steal his mama’s egg money.

He could talk the gate off its hinges.

She speaks ten words a second, with gusts to fifty.

You were too hard to raise to take chances.

Anytime you happen to pass my house, I’d sure appreciate it.

You smell like you want to be left alone.

If brains were leather, he couldn’t saddle a flea.

He couldn’t hit the floor if he fell out of bed.

Looks like he was pulled through a knothole backwards.

There’s two theories to arguin’ with a woman. Neither one works.

To be entered in today’s random drawing for the scarf, car air freshener and a copy of Home On the Ranch: Colorado Rescue, leave a comment about your favorite western saying. If you don’t have a favorite, tell me which saying above spoke to you the most. Thanks for sliding off and letting your saddle cool while you spent some time with me today. Stay safe until the next time we meet around the corral. 



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Julie Benson has written five novels for Harlequin American, and her Wishing, Texas series is available from Tule Publishing. Now that her three sons have left the nest in Dallas, when she isn't writing, Julie spends her time working on home improvement projects, rescuing dogs, and visiting Texas wineries with her husband. Visit her at www.juliebenson.net.

70 thoughts on “Fall off that horse and come on in!”

  1. They’re so ugly, they would make a freight train take a dirt rode.

    He couldn’t put water out of a boot, if the instructions were written in the heel!

    When I was in jr. High my dad got his PRCA permit card (that meant he could compete with the professionals), anyway off we went to another rodeo and dad places like 5th, right out of the jackpot $$, and he won 4 McDonalds hamburger tickets. I kid you not!! So on the way home dad said:
    “Who’d of thought it, hamburgers bought it!!“
    So that became a saying around our house, still used today!!

    I loved the sayings you posted, plus Pam’s, some good ones. Stay safe & healthy!

    • Love y’all’s saying! Yeah, who would have thought that prize when he was one slot away from a payday!

    • Tonya,
      Thanks for stopping by today. I love your sayings. I’ve started a list to refer to when I need my heroes to think or say something particularly western. I’m definitely adding yours to the list. I also have a book by Edgar R. “Frosty” Potter entitled Cowboy Slang. Some of the sayings I listed came from his book. I recently had to buy a second copy. I left it out one day after using it and one of the dogs got to it. I was so upset because I was afraid it had gone out of print. Luckily it was still available. Gonna have to keep a closer on this little gem of a book! Take care and stay healthy!

    • Tonya,
      I forgot to say I bet you smile and think of your dad and that day at the rodeo every time you say “Who’d of thought it, hamburgers bought it!!” Those are the saying that mean the most. One of my favorites that I forgot to mention is “When a cat washes behind its ear it’s gonna rain.” I’m not going to share the story that goes with that one. I’ve decided I’ll save it for a post. Look for that one coming soon!

      • Julie- I cant wait to hear the story behind this. You have my curiosity in full swing. Yes, we all use that saying all the time, but we all remember that rodeo. My dad rodeoed Wednesday through Saturday every week and that’s the one rodeo that still sticks in my memory bank.

  2. OPPS I seen my mistake for above:

    He couldn’t pour water out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel!

    • Fun blog, sounds like I need to read your Wishing Texas series! Loved all these sayings. Some of my favorite or just funny sayings… “Everything is bigger and better in Texas”, “all my Ex’s live in Texas”, “bless your heart”, “madder than a wet hen”, Well, Butter My Butt And Call Me A Biscuit”, . “Never Kick A Cow Turd On A Hot Day”, “tougher than a $? steak”, “I’m sweating like a whore in church”, “kiss my grits”, “half a brick short of a load”. Sorry, I can never pick one of anything and you inspired me this morning! I needed a lot of laughs this morning. COVID-19 has only been one of the issues my family has been going through this year. This has been one of the worst years of my life.

      • Stephanie,

        I’m so glad you stopped by today to give me such a great laugh! I have never heard “Butter my butt and call me a bisquit” or “Never kick a cow turd on a hot day.” Those two are my favorites of the ones you said. I’m putting them on my list right now. Don’t be surprised if they show up in one of my books soon!

        I’m so sorry you and your family are having a tough time. So many people are saying they wish 2020 was like a computer and we could just shut it off and reboot. I think I remember you saying something about having long term health issues. I can’t imagine how much scarier that makes the COVID-19 issues for you. I’ll add you and your family to my prayers. I pray God carries you through this difficult time and that soon things are better for all of you. Most importantly, I’ll pray he gives you hope. Take care, Stephanie.

    • Minna,
      Thanks for putting the international flavor in our discussion today. I’m so glad you stopped by. It’s interesting how every region and country has its own sayings, but the meanings are universal.

  3. I love “anytime you pass my house, I’d sure appreciate it ” and ” He’s the only hell his mama ever raised “. Needed a few laughs. Thank you for your post Julie. Stay safe everyone.

    • Carol,
      I needed a good laugh, too. One thing that has helped me keep smiling is my foster pups. Bella, the newest, is the one in the blog. I added her picture because who couldn’t use seeing a cute puppy? She and Bailey are such joys and constantly make us laugh. I’m also going to start walking more. I need to get moving more. Yesterday I used the skimmer net to scoop leaves and flowers out of the pool I was so desperate to be active and outside. The sad thing, other than the pool’s covered again, is how much I enjoyed the chore!

      Thanks for stopping by today and stay safe!

  4. He’d argue with a wooden indian spoke to me. My maternal grandmother would have some of these says never really understood them.

    • Kim,

      I’m so glad you stopped by today. Your comment about your grandmother got me thinking about a lot of the saying my father has always said. I never understood most of his either. One of his was, “Do you walk to work or carry your lunch?” To this day, I’m still not sure what that one means!

  5. I liked “Better to keep your mouth shut and seem a fool than to open it and remove all doubt” and “Anytime you happen to pass my house, I’d sure appreciate it”. Thank you for sharing.

    • Diana,
      Thanks for stopping by the corral today to chat. I wish more people would practice the first one, especially on social media. Sometimes I want to ask if they read what they wrote before posting because if they had, they’d have deleted it.

      I’m glad you enjoyed the post. Take care and stay safe.

  6. This one really made me laugh “You smell like you want to be left alone”. It reminds me of how my husband comes home form work in the summer. I always have dinner ready for him to eat when he comes in from work, but those days I have to ask him to shower first. I can’t sit at the table and eat with him all smelly. I also like this one “So dry the trees are bribing the dogs”. It reminds me of our Texas summers. I can picture a meme with this saying.

    • Janine,

      Thanks for stopping by today to chat. I can see you smiling at your husband and saying, “I love you dearly, but would you please take a quick shower before we eat?” And I can see the meme with the trees and the dogs…definitely would be funny in the heat of a Texas summer.

      Take care and stay safe!

      • My husband is a mechanic so he works hard and it’s hot in the shop. He comes home very stinky in the summer. Right now I am making him shower before dinner because I don’t know who he was near or who’s car he was in and if they might have coronavirus germs or not.

    • Debra,

      Oh, that one’s hilarious and talk about smelly! It’s also one of those that you wouldn’t think you’d have to tell anyone, but as another saying goes, “You can’t fix stupid!” Thanks for stopping by today. Take care and stay safe!

  7. My Mom’s favorite was “worthless as tits on a boat!” She used this many times usually about a man but can be female as well! Stay safe and healthy

    • Estella,

      I’d never heard that one before! It made me think of boys. I have 3 and at times, they were darn hard to raise. I will say, though, that they are all wonderful young men now. So many people don’t realize how as parents we can’t overlook things. We must have those battles with strong willed children from day 1. I can’t tell you how many people will say, “Oh it doesn’t matter that he won’t do his 1st grade homework.” I would reply, that if I hadn’t fought with my oldest over homework at that age, I can guarantee he never would’ve been admitted to Texas A&M.

      Thanks for stopping by today to chat. Take care and stay safe.

  8. I use to say this one sometime and it goes like this. It would make a rabbit hug a hound. Also have heard worthless as tits on a boar hog. Would make a sheep dog love a wolf. Take care!!!

    • Oh, those are good ones that I haven’t heard before. Y’all are giving me great ones again today! I’m adding yours to my list. Thanks for stopping by the corral and spending part of your day with me. Take care and stay safe!

    • Melanie,

      Unfortunately, I think we all know people like that! The other saying I love and use a lot that is similar is the first thing you need to do when you’re in a hole is stop digging. We don’t even have to say the entire saying anymore in my house. We just look at someone and say, “Do you want me to take that shovel?” I’ve actually used that one in one of my books. 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by to chat and stay safe!

  9. Speak your mind but ride a fast horse.

    I haven’t seen you in a coon’s age.

    Thanks for brightening my day!

    • Laurie,

      Oooh, I love the speak your mind but ride a fast horse saying! That’s a great one! I’m adding that one to my list. I can hear one of my heroes saying to someone, “Sure. You go ahead and tell him what you really think, but make sure you got a fast horse saddled first!” The heroes in my Wishing Texas Series are 4 good friends who’ve known each other for over 10 years and they’re always calling each other out when they’re going to do something stupid! Don’t be surprised if your saying shows up in one of my books some day! Thanks so much for sharing it! I’m glad the post made you smile. Take care and stay safe!

    • Denise,

      That’s a good one, too. It reminds me to watch out because there are people who will take advantage of us if we’re not careful. The saying makes me think of all the new scams out there. I hear one of the newest is calling people asking for their bank info to deposit the government stimulus checks. I swear if those people would put as much energy into legit work as they do to their schemes, they’d be just fine.

      Thanks for the timely reminder to be cautious. Thanks for stopping by and stay safe!

  10. “Don’t dig for water under the outhouse.”

    My husband’s grandma used to say, “If wishes were fishes we’d all have a fry!”
    Living in Minnesota, we laugh about that one a lot.

    Loved your blog Julie. And the sweet rescue dog Bella looks right at home at your table. Way to be.

    • Kathy,

      My grandparents’ farm was in NE Iowa a stone’s throw from the Minnesota border, so your fish saying really hits home with me! They lived in Decorah, Iowa and there was a Nordic Fest there every summer. Norwegians are big on Lefse, which I love, and Lutefisk, which you couldn’t pay me to eat. I read your comment and thought of the Norwegians and their Lutefisk. I also lived in Dubuque, Iowa which was predominantly Catholic. We only had 3 high school, and one was a private Catholic school. Anyway, Friday catfish frys were big during lent.

      I’m so glad you enjoyed the post. I had fun writing it and it made me smile when I needed to. Bella is such a sweet girl. She loves to snuggle and has become my writing pal. She will be one of the tougher ones to let go, but as I tell myself every time a rescue leaves for a forever home, letting one go means I have room to save another pup.

      Thank you so much for stopping by the corral today. Stay safe!

  11. Welcome. What a generous and wonderful give a way. These are wonderful. LOL Pick only one? I know someone for this one: She speaks ten words a second, with gusts to fifty.
    Its been a coons age was one of my moms favorites. I didnt understand that one until I was older LOL. Oh and she would say: I am madder than a wet hen, so be good. LOL We had hens so I got that one real quick. LOL These are fun.

    • Lori,

      Your comment make me chuckle. I bet you did get what your mom meant quick when she said she was madder than a wet hen. So many of those great sayings wouldn’t mean anything to kids today because they have no idea what farm life is like. We have a museum here, Heritage Farmstead, that tries to give kids a taste of what life used to be like. All kids go there on field trips at some time during their elementary school years. The Farmstead also offers great programs during the year and summer camps. I wish more youth had access to farms. There are so many practical lessons that can be learned on a farm.

      Thanks for stopping by today and sharing your mom’s wisdom. Stay safe!

  12. He’s dumb as a rock.
    When my siblings and I were young, my parents would say, “Bet that went over like red in church.” Which never really made sense, until we got old enough that they stopped cleaning up the saying, “Bet that went over like a whore in church.”
    My dad was also a fan of, “That’s worthless as tits on a mule.” And if he was really riled about something (usually some politician) he’d say, “You can beat the Hell out of a man, but nothing gets rid of stupid.”
    Thanks for the laugh and the cute puppy!

    • Jess,

      Thanks for making me smile. Your parents sound fabulous! I love the staying about being able to beat the Hell out of a man, but nothing gets rid of stupid.” Lord, isn’t that true! I swear some people were born without an ounce of common sense!

      I’m glad the post made you laugh, and I’m glad you liked my sweetie Bella. It’s always hard when my fosters leave for their forever homes, but letting Bella go is going to hurt more than most.

      Take care and stay safe!

  13. A friend of mine used to always say “He looks like he was rode hard and put away wet.” It still makes me smile! I’d heard some of the ones you listed, but most were new to me!!

    • Trudy,

      My heroine, Cheyenne, in To Tame A Texas Cowboy was a barrel racer. In one scene she feels particularly yucky in the morning and of course the hero looks fabulous. She thinks that exact saying, that she was rode hard and put away wet.

      Thank you for stopping by the corral to chat, and I’m glad you enjoyed the post. Take care and stay safe!

  14. thanks for the laugh today! These are all so funny. I especially like the one about jumping over the fence naked ;-).

    • Sally,

      Thanks for stopping by the corral today. I think the jumping the barbed wire fence naked is one of my very favorites, too. I laughed myself silly when Pam Crooks posted that one. Take care and stay safe.

    • Caryl,

      I’m glad you enjoyed the post. It was fun to write. As I read the sayings I’d found, I keep chuckling. I love the one you mentioned. I’ve never heard that one.

      Thanks for stopping by the corral today and stay safe!

  15. I love all these Texas sayings. I did a newsletter once with some pithy Texas sayings, and a recipient sent me a url where I downloaded about 40 pages of them. There are so many!!! It quite amazed me. Loved the ones you picked.

  16. Those are some interesting sayings! I like Better to keep your mouth shut and seem a fool than to open it and remove all doubt. 🙂

    • Colleen,

      Thanks for stopping by the corral today. I wish more people would practice the saying you liked. Way too many people open their mouths and we instantly know they aren’t the brightest penny in the drawer! Take care and stay safe!

  17. I have Cowboy Slang by Frosty Potter also. Two other good books are: WESTERN WORDS – A Dictionary of the Old West by Ramon F. Adams – thousands of great words and phrases, like, “Cold enough to make a polar bear hunt for cover.” Or – “Hot as hell with the blower on.” Another good book I have is FRONTIER SLANG, LINGO AND PHRASES, by Kathy Weiser and Alex Ander. “Catalogue woman” is a mail order bride. “Croaker” is a pessimist – “Don’t be such an old croaker.” Rope was made of vanilla hemp, so cowboys usually used the word “hemp” instead of “rope.” A “hemp committee” was vigilantes looking to hang someone. A high Binder was a dangerous and vicious man – or horse. A razor was called a “scraper,” and to “raise sand” was to start trouble. These two books have thousands of cowboy/western slang words or phrases. I love cowboy humor! Two of my favorites, which aren’t part of cowboy slang but represent typical western humor are (1) from UNFORGIVEN, when Clint Eastwood shoots a bar tender and someone says “He wasn’t even armed.” and Clint answers, “Well then, he should have armed himself.” And from QUIGLEY, DOWN UNDER, when the rancher stands against Tom Selleck’s character and makes ready to draw on him, thinking Selleck is only good at using a rifle. Selleck looks at him and says “This ain’t Dodge City, and you ain’t Bill Hickock,” then blows him away. After that he walks up to the guy and says – “I said I don’t like using pistols. I never said I didn’t know HOW.” I love those “Go ahead, make my day” phrases.

    • Rosanne,

      First of all, I’ve loved your books for so many years. Thank you for all the wonderful hours of escape you’ve given me and millions of others!

      Also, I can’t thank you enough for stopping by today, sharing your wisdom, and for recommending the two books. As it turns out, I have WESTERN WORDS. I’d forgotten about that one. I just went and dug it off my bookshelf! But I’m heading to Amazon as soon as I finish typing this to get FRONTIER SLANG, LINGO AND PHRASES! I think cowboy humor is one of the reasons we love cowboys as heroes. They have such a unique way of looking at the world. I love the QUIGLEY, DOWN UNDER, comment about “I never said I didn’t know HOW.” A strong man has his preferences, but he knows how to use any gun!

      Thank you again for stopping by to chat today! Stay safe!

    • Joye,

      That’s a good one. I’ll have to add his quote to my list. Thank you for stopping by the corral today and spending part of your day with me. Stay safe!

  18. I think Gregory Peck was credited with this saying which is very appropriate for these times.
    Tough times don’t last…tough people do.

    • Jackie,

      Those are wise and timely words. It’s sad how tough we’re all having to be right now, and how many people we have lost. My dear friends Jennifer is a chaplain in a hospital in Washington state. She’s seen what’s going on up close. I pray soon we’re through this. Until we are, take care and stay safe! Thank you for sharing Gregory Peck’s wisdom and hope with us today.

  19. Thanks for the much needed smiles. I shared them with my husband and he too appreciated them. I had heard a couple of them before. The ones that hit home the most really applied to our son: “He’s the only hell his mama ever raised.” and “You were too hard to raise to take chances.” The first he would agree with and the second has been an irritant for him over the years. It is a good thing he really is a good guy. Now that he is married, I am sure his wife will be adding a few of her own.
    I think the one that applies to much that is being said and done lately is “Better to keep your mouth shut and seem a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.”
    “Well, Butter My Butt And Call Me A Biscuit” must be a southern saying. I had never heard it until moving to Tennessee years ago.
    One I started years ago with our children when they didn’t want to leave some place we were or someone we were visiting ia “If you don’t leave, you can’t come back.” We are using it with our grandchildren now.
    Love your new foster, Bella. We did fostering of litters years ago. It prevents them having to be put down by the shelter which doesn’t have the facilities to keep litters for weeks until they are old enough to adopt out. It also socializes them, making them more adoptable. We had several “fails” that were wonderful members of our family for many, many years. Once we stay at home more, we will likely start fostering again, but probably, like you, only singles.
    Stay safe and healthy.

    • Patricia,

      My oldest son was my hardest to raise and he still bristles if I tease him about all the crazy things he did. He was also the one who most often scared me to death. He was so accident prone, and could be dared to do almost anything. Thankfully he’s outgrown that. But he’s a wonderful young man, and I owe him a huge debt. He’s my Texas A&M University Aggie who inspired my Wishing Texas Series!

      I love fostering dogs. When people ask how I can let them go (in over 20 fosters we’ve only adopted one) I say every one I let go makes room to save another one. We actually have two puppies right now. I should’ve posted a pic of Bailey, too, but forgot. We usually foster two pups at a time because then they have someone to play with. Two of our personal dogs are getting up there age wise and don’t like to be bothered. I can’t imagine taking on an entire litter. Now that’s brave!

      I like your saying “if you don’t leave, you can’t come back.” I’ll have to remember that if I am blessed with grandchildren some day.

      Thank you for stopping by and spending part of your day with me. Take care and you stay safe, too!

  20. I think this is the first time I have read all the comments on a post. They were just too good not to. It was a great idea to do a post with this topic. I has brightened many people’s day.

  21. Better to keep your mouth shut and seem a fool than to open it and remove all doubt. This saying is exactly the same in Finland.

  22. Just ’cause trouble comes visiting doesn’t mean you have to offer it a place to sit down.

    • Connie,

      That is one of my favorites. I have to keep it in mind. I also think it’s a good reminder for all the turmoil right now. Take care and stay safe.

    • Alicia,

      Your comment reminds me of something my hubby says. Getting older is better than the alternative. I love I’d rather be on topsoil than 6 feet under! Thank you for stopping by today. Take care and stay safe!

  23. Generally, you ain’t learnin’ nothing when your mouth’s a-jawin’.
    How true is that. So true. Thank you for sharing your time with us all.

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