World’s Biggest Something or Other

 So, I’m at the boats, sports and travel show here a week ago or so…….
and I’m minding my own business, really, wandering from booth to booth.
And I see this booth advertising hunting guides.
And it all starts out so normal…well, normal for dead mounted animals. You know, at MY HOUSE,
we’ve found a dead animal in or near the house…we haul it away.
Of course that’s pretty much just been mice and…well,
there was an unfortunate incident with an elderly cat under the porch,
who lived a long, full life and died of natural causes…………I’m sure…… 
But anyway…some people like antlers. And these are very nice ones.
Border Brute, very macho. I’m okay so far.
 You maybe can’t quite make out these signs but the left one is like…largest ever antlers on a girl deer? Except, wait, no, girl deer don’t have antlers, so, since I can’t read it, maybe largest ever antlers on a deer shot by a girl. Or, well who knows. Maybe just a really lucky shot. Lady Luck smiled on the hunter?? I’m not explaining the one on the right. I’m exhausted and I’ve lost my magnifying glass. And bottom line, cool antlers…if you like antlers.
Say yes or no, I’m not going to judge you.

I’m still thinking it’s impressive. I get why someone mounted this head.

Who could resist?

Big Jake above, I think maybe the heavyweight refers to the antler weight.
I’m starting to get seriously impressed.
This hunting guide isn’t claiming to have hunted all these trophy bucks.
But he shore ’nuff collected ’em, and that’s impressive.
And the reason I’m sure they’re talking about the WEIGHT of Big Jake’s antlers 
is because on THIS ONE they’re talking about the size of the deer.
Old Goliath here, read it if you can, World’s Largest Whitetail Deer. The guide has spent BIG BUCKS collecting these. —
Hey Big Bucks on Big Bucks.
I amaze myself with my wit.

 This one starts to get just a little weird. Drooping Main Beams???
For some reason that just sounds dirty to me, but moving on………….
Weird, Droopy, Whatever, you’ve still got to admit that Captain of my Heart has a huge rack.
(Wow, that sounds wrong, too!?)
And I’m not sure exactly what’s the difference between Drooping Main Beams and World’s Biggest Double Drops, but now, I’m just thinking, “Okay people, you are DESPERATE to be World’s Biggest Something or Other,
settle down.
And it is at this point…with Texas Twister…that I realize that, like a child who has wandered away from her parents at the State Fair,
I am now lost, separated from all safety.
I’ve left the Carnival Rides behind
and wandered into the creepy side show area…
Shall I go into the House of Mirrors?
Or visit the Bearded Lady???
Or accept candy from the nice man with all the tatoos?
Do you preserve for all time a poor sick deer?
Do we ENJOY looking at a TUMOR BUCK? EWWWWW!!!!
 Note the Ancient Mariner…he died of old age. Who knew when his birthday was? Well, maybe a zoo situation.
And note QUEENIE. World Largest Doe Antlers???
 A white tail doe doesn’t have antlers.
Hello Bearded Lady??????
No, I don’t want to see your private tattoos, Mister.
I want my MOMMY!!!

This is one of those times when it’s best just not to comment.

And yet….I feel I must comment.

And yet, not commenting is probably the better part of valor.

But I find myself unable to resist so….

I will just say this…by way of NOT commenting…

In all the world…of all things…any living creature…

would NOT want to be remembered for…

this, right here, the fate of poor Rhizomus Rex…

would be number one.

And I guess that makes the poor guy the world’s biggest…LOSER!!!!!!

I looked up Rhizomus…
you’re on your own.
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Author of Romantic Comedy...with Cowboys including the bestselling Kincaid Brides Series

43 thoughts on “World’s Biggest Something or Other”

  1. Wow, Mary, I’m speechless. I will definitely have to send my son-in-law over to this page. He is an avid deer hunter and will probably drool over some of those racks!

    Me, I’m a Bambi lover. I understand the necessity of keeping the deer population under control, but really–who can bear to shoot anything with such gorgeous big brown eyes?

  2. Oh, my. My mom sent this over to me. My husband is the crazy-hunter-son-in-law she mentioned. He hasn’t seen it yet, but your blog has certainly been sent his way. After reading it to him (he hasn’t yet looked at the pictures), it was funny to me how serious he got, telling me to explain to you how it is indeed possible for a doe to have antlers. But I am with you. If not for having been completely inundated with all things deer hunting for the last 15+ years, I would have been just as lost.
    As for my mom, my poor poor mom. With her love of Bambi, she gets a hunting-freak son-in-law who then proceeds to give her three grandsons who want to be just like their dad. I bet they’ll wanna see your pictures, too!

  3. Oh, Mary! They’re gorgeous!! I’m going to have to send my kids and husband to view the pics!! We have a place along the Milk River in Montana and some of the sheds my daughter finds are incredible!!

    Was this at the Sportsman’s Show? I think we’re going to that. I’ll bring my camera!!

    Thanks for sharing!

  4. You know deer run across the road in front of me all the time. I NEVER see antlers like this.
    What do you think? I mean this almost seems impossible to me that they’d get such huge antlers. How old must these deer be? I keep thinking they’re from a zoo.

    My daughter actually hit a deer on the way to school one early fall morning and the car managed to not be hurt too bad and she drove on to school, but very shaken up.

    The first thing the boys asked when she told them she’d hit a deer????
    Did it have a big rack?

  5. Really doe can have antlers? I mean I’m sure they CAN…living proof in those pictures. Well, excuse me, DEAD PROOF.

    But it’s got to be the exception, right?

    As for me and Bambi? I live WAY out in the country and seriously, I’m sorry, but once you’ve shelled out $2500 for car repairs-once per car-for 50 years–you start to get past the ole Bambi’s mother heartbreak in a major way.

  6. Laughing my *** off, Mary. We have mule deer in Utah. When I was growing up everybody hunted them and ate the meat (my dad’s home made venison jerky was to die for). These days there are fewer deer to go around, and many of the hunters are nut cases. Needless to say, you don’t go hiking in the mountains during deer season.
    15 minutes from me is the biggest Cabela’s store in the U.S. They have a huge collection of mounted critters. I’ve never been inside the door. Nuff said.

  7. Mule deer are even bigger, right?


    And I went to the Cowboy Hall of Fame in Oklahoma City last Christmas and they decorated a TREE with antlers and they had a whole lotta stuff like CHANDELIERS made of antlers.

    And I’ll bet those are ‘sheds’ as Audra said. Antlers that get shed in the fall…so Bambi’s mother was not injured in the making of those chandeliers.

  8. There are no words!!!!!!

    But there are howls of laughter in my house right now. I’m glad no one else is home.

    Where would I be without a little Connealy humor to brighten my day??



  9. Penney, The sad fact is, I now go to almost any event and see things with different eyes.
    I look at them and think–“What sarcastic remark could I make about this on my blog.”

    Is that any way to live your life? Huh?

  10. I’m not sure what to say here except I feel sorry for the poor deer. I would hate to have someone mount my head. The sign underneath would probably have some cryptic comment about my weight…or my big ears. LOL

    Interesting pictures, Mary!

  11. Oh my gosh, Linda, I never thought of it that way.

    We’re all, “Wow, huge antlers, huge animal.”
    I’ll bet that poor Goliath deer was fretting about whether he could afford to go on Jennie Craig. And that doe with the antlers? Yikes, she’s probably all, “I just washed my antlers and I can’t do a THING with them.”

  12. Oh mylanta, THIS is what you blogged about?????

    I’m with Linda. I’d hate to be remembered like this.

    Picture all the dead relatives you’ve seen in caskets, and the comments viewers make…

    “Oh, doesn’t she look wonderful???”

    Umm, no, I liked her better breathing, actually.

    “Look at his hair! We could never get it to lie down like that when he was alive!”

    That’s because there’s no wind in funeral homes, Einstein.

    “She looks thinner.”

    This one I actually like… 😉

    “Didn’t they do a great job covering up the head trauma scars?”

    Sure…Her skin was always Dark Peach Natural foundation and Morning Rose blush, 1/2 an inch thick…

    I mean seriously, these guys would probably cringe to know their epitaphs came down to “Lady Luck” and “Goliath”.

    Although I know a few men who might like the whole “Goliath” connotation.



  13. We have a pair of antlers that I put on the mantle one Christmas Christmas and strung with white lights. I’m pretty much anti-hunting though. I know I know, culling and all that, but I always think of poor Bambi.

    You always make me laugh so hard, Mary. I just had foot surgery and seriously need some chuckles. ooxoxox

  14. What a hoot! The events you go to are–well, like you said our lives are dramatically different! My brother would love to see these pictures. Where was this show – in Omaha?

  15. Will have to show this to Jerry. Really some wierd looking antlers. Female deer can have antlers. I think it must be a hormone imbalance.
    My husband, son and granddaughter go deer hunting every year. The grandson goes along but isn’t old enough to shoot yet. He likes to go with his dad a couple of weeks before hunting season opens to look for “The Big One.” Unfortunatly this is when the see the big guys and the big ones seem to hide when it is time to get serious.

  16. Hi, Sue. I really wanted to find out more about all of these. Who shot them. When, where…I asked, and the guy offered to sell me a book.

    Guess I didn’t want to know THAT bad. And me an author! I should have purchased the man’s book, shame on me.

  17. Hello,

    My hubby got a kick out of these pictures. He’s a big hunter. Personally, I’m a Bambi lover. Have a great day.

  18. Hi Mary! Thanks for taking me by the hand through this scary world, LOL. I’m a bambi lover too. Also, what’s with fishermen having their fishes stuffed and mounted on boards? Or is that a whole other blog, LOL.

  19. Mary,
    I was wondering where this blog was going, until I saw the last deer. Then I burst out laughing. It’s not bad enough the poor guy got shot and stuffed, but they dissed him with that caption too!

    I’m a Bambi lover too. I could never pull that trigger …

  20. No, not a ‘mighty hunter’ gene to be found in me. Except I’d love to see these guys in the wild. I suspect that’s pretty hard to do or they wouldn’t be such valuable catches.

  21. LMAO, Mary! One thing I cannot do is share this with
    my eldest daughter! She’s still traumatized from
    visits to an outdoors/hunting supplies store when
    she was quite small. The store owner was a big time
    hunter who made the taxidermists in Houston very
    happy! The second floor of the store was filled with
    an extensive display of “stuffed” animals! Deer and
    lions and bears, OH MY!!

    Pat Cochran

  22. What can I say? We are outdoor people and yes, we have hunted (well I would walk in the woods or sit in the canoe while my husband was bird hunting). Unfortunately, there are too many crazies out there now. (They have always been there, but there are just more of them.) The mounts you’ve shown are really interesting and impressive from a scientific viewpoint. I just wouldn’t want them in my house. Can’t wait to show them to my husband (the wildlife management major). One of my daughters and her husband will enjoy them – they are the avid hunters with mounts on their walls and little boys being raised as hunters. My husband and son go as much for the walk in the woods as anything else. Thanks for an interesting article!

  23. Just another comment. Anyone that would like to see a collection of taxidermy should visit Big Ole’s Bar & Grill in Paxton, NE. The original owner was a BIG game hunter and there is every kind of animal that you could imagine. Most of them can not be shot now days. There is a polar bear in a glass case as you walk into the lounge,
    a giraffe, an elephant, a water buffalo, and many animals that I have never heard.
    Paxton is just west of Ogallala on I-80. The food is also very good if you don’t mind eating with all the “wild life” watching. If you are every travelling through our great state it is worth the stop.

  24. Sue, that sounds fascinating…seriously and ELEPHANT??? Big restaurant. I’m tempted to go see it. A long, long, long, long …. okay, I’m not tempted. But if I’m ever in the area, sounds like something I’d like to see.

    There’s a car repair place in Onawa IA that had mounted heads of a zillion types on the wall. Almost scary.

  25. Patricia, I always wonder about that too. All those people with guns wandering around. I suspect there are crazies, but honestly, I bet you’re safer surrounded by heavily armed hunters than you are walking down the wrong street in your average big city.

  26. The biggest danger is from the hunters who really don’t know what they are doing. They are so anxious to get something, they’ll shoot at anything that moves or anything they hear. Her in the mountains of TN and NC you have to worry about being shot because you may be too close to a still. When we lived in California, we had to worry about booby traps (fishhooks at eye level, foot piercing stakes, etc) from the pot growers. Kind of spoiled our hiking and my husband didn’t do any hunting. When we lived in Colorado, he and a friend got up very early and hiked in bout 2 miles. When the sun came up, there were 5 or 6 others in the area, some rather noisy. They just left – any deer with half a brain wouldn’t come anywhere near that noisy spot.

  27. I liked looking at the racks. I like to deer hunt. I go with my grandpa almost every weekend, so far i have not killed anything but I have shot at a couple of things and I hope that one day I can kill something that big, or at least see one.

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