So, I’m at the boats, sports and travel show here a week ago or so…….
and I’m minding my own business, really, wandering from booth to booth.
And I see this booth advertising hunting guides.
And it all starts out so normal…well, normal for dead mounted animals.
You know, at MY HOUSE,
EVERY SINGLE TIME
we’ve found a dead animal in or near the house…we haul it away.
Of course that’s pretty much just been mice and…well,
there was an unfortunate incident with an elderly cat under the porch,
who lived a long, full life and died of natural causes…………I’m sure……
But anyway…some people like antlers. And these are very nice ones.
Border Brute, very macho. I’m okay so far.
You maybe can’t quite make out these signs but the left one is like…largest ever antlers on a girl deer? Except, wait, no, girl deer don’t have antlers, so, since I can’t read it, maybe largest ever antlers on a deer shot by a girl. Or, well who knows. Maybe just a really lucky shot. Lady Luck smiled on the hunter?? I’m not explaining the one on the right. I’m exhausted and I’ve lost my magnifying glass. And bottom line, cool antlers…if you like antlers.
Say yes or no, I’m not going to judge you.
I’m still thinking it’s impressive. I get why someone mounted this head.
Who could resist?
Big Jake above, I think maybe the heavyweight refers to the antler weight.
I’m starting to get seriously impressed.
This hunting guide isn’t claiming to have hunted all these trophy bucks.
But he shore ’nuff collected ’em, and that’s impressive.
And the reason I’m sure they’re talking about the WEIGHT of Big Jake’s antlers
is because on THIS ONE they’re talking about the size of the deer.
Old Goliath here, read it if you can, World’s Largest Whitetail Deer.
The guide has spent BIG BUCKS collecting these. —
Hey Big Bucks on Big Bucks.
I amaze myself with my wit.
This one starts to get just a little weird. Drooping Main Beams???
For some reason that just sounds dirty to me, but moving on………….
Weird, Droopy, Whatever, you’ve still got to admit that Captain of my Heart has a huge rack.
(Wow, that sounds wrong, too!?)
And I’m not sure exactly what’s the difference between Drooping Main Beams and World’s Biggest Double Drops, but now, I’m just thinking, “Okay people, you are DESPERATE to be World’s Biggest Something or Other,
And it is at this point…with Texas Twister…that I realize that, like a child who has wandered away from her parents at the State Fair,
I am now lost, separated from all safety.
I’ve left the Carnival Rides behind
and wandered into the creepy side show area…
Shall I go into the House of Mirrors?
Or visit the Bearded Lady???
Or accept candy from the nice man with all the tatoos?
Do you preserve for all time a poor sick deer?
Do we ENJOY looking at a TUMOR BUCK? EWWWWW!!!!
Note the Ancient Mariner…he died of old age. Who knew when his birthday was? Well, maybe a zoo situation.
And note QUEENIE. World Largest Doe Antlers???
A white tail doe doesn’t have antlers.
Hello Bearded Lady??????
No, I don’t want to see your private tattoos, Mister.
I want my MOMMY!!!
This is one of those times when it’s best just not to comment.
And yet….I feel I must comment.
And yet, not commenting is probably the better part of valor.
But I find myself unable to resist so….
I will just say this…by way of NOT commenting…
In all the world…of all things…any living creature…
would NOT want to be remembered for…
this, right here, the fate of poor Rhizomus Rex…
would be number one.
And I guess that makes the poor guy the world’s biggest…LOSER!!!!!!
I looked up Rhizomus…
you’re on your own.
Author of Romantic Comedy...with Cowboys including the bestselling Kincaid Brides Series