Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it! -George Carlin

Calico Canyon is the story of the prissy Miss Calhoun from Petticoat Ranch and her forced marriage to Daniel Reeves the father of her most unruly students.
Five little boys who are as horrified to have her for their new Ma as she is to find herself stuck with the Reeves men.

She got his boys expelled from school.

He got her fired.

And then a completely innocent compromising situation forces them to marry. I mean sure she spent the night with him. Sure she’s in her nightgown. Sure he slept with her, but…nothing happened.

Daniel cannot get the parson to believe that.

 No two people could be more unhappily married.

 Calico Canyon is in bookstores now. To find out more, check here:

In the meantime, one of the responses I’ve been getting about Calico Canyon, similar to Petticoat Ranch, is ‘How’d you get inside a man’s head so well?’

All I can say is…”who knows if I did?”

How can any of us really KNOW if we’ve figured out men?

And what’s with the word MEN, like they’re not individuals, with their own hopes and dreams, personalities and behaviors.

CAN we figure out MEN-plural? We can maybe…eventually…figure out A man, one we know personally, but is it fair to paint with such a broad stroke?

Here are some Man cliches….

All men are after only one thing.

All men are alike.

My husband says, Men think things through. Women talk things through.

Literature says, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.

A jump rope ditty I remember goes:

Boys are rotten, made out of cotton

Girls drink Pepsi to get more sexy

Boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider

Girls go to Mars to get more candy bars

George Carlin says: Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.

Nicole Hollander: Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women.

Mary Poppins: “Though we adore men individually, I agree that as a group they’re rather stupid.”

Marge Simpson: Most women tell you that you’re a fool if you think you can change a man- but those women are quitters.

I’m going to mention here that if you think there aren’t a bazillion woman bashing jokes out there, you’re livin’ in a dream world.–here’s a good example:

Q: What’s the difference between a woman having her period and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

What I’d like to hear from you is ‘guy stories’.

Can you think of a story with your son, your boyfriend, your co-worker, your brother, your husband that just makes you say, “He is SUCH a guy!”

And anyone who leaves a comment today gets their name in the drawing for a signed copy of Calico Canyon.

So leave a comment and tell me your ‘guy’ stories.


Click on the covers to buy Calico Canyon, Petticoat Ranch and Alaska Brides on Amazon

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Author of Romantic Comedy...with Cowboys including the bestselling Kincaid Brides Series

82 thoughts on “Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it! -George Carlin”

  1. Many years ago, my Aunts were visiting my family and my uncle’s family who lived next door and as often happens clothing is scattered between the two homes. Aunt Edith sent her son next door to get her girdle, which surprisingly he knew what he was going after, but better yet did it without protest. Then we saw him through the window as he returned carrying the offending garment pinched between thumb and finger and at arm length with only one eye open!! Such a guy thing.

  2. Your bad jokes reminded me of the joke my 13 yo son told me yesterday. “Why was Helen Keller such a bad driver?”
    She was a woman.

    Such a guy joke. *sigh*

    I live in the house of testosterone. 2 sons, a husband and a very manly female dog. (she was supposed to be *my* support – another female, but she is way more manly than any of the men in the house).

  3. I’m not awake enough to be firing on all pistons yet so will have to come back later with a guy story. I just wanted to say that CALICO CANYON sounds like a terrific story and lots of fun. I’ll definitely be looking for a copy!


  4. I don’t know if it’s a “guy” story, but my husband learned to cook and clean living in a firehouse, and he loves LOL doing those tasks at home, too. 🙂 Upon her graduation a few years ago, our daughter said, “Oh, I wanna marry a man just like my dad.” When he felt all warm and fuzzy, she continued: “Yeah, somebody who cooks for me, cleans up after me, and buys me stuff.”

    (I know he’s probably not typical; I am very lucky.)

    Anyway, I chuckled big-time all through this post, Mary. CC is definitely on my TBR list, Mary. I love forced-marriage stories. Congratulations.

  5. I’ve been married 32 years. I still seriously have NO CLUE what my husband is going to say most of the time.

    People will say, “You want to go and try this new restaurant (or whatever)?”

    All I know is, when I pitch a new idea to my husband, I absolutely cannot predict yes or no, but which ever it is, he will be adament.

    Now, if he feels so strongly about something, how come I don’t have a clue what his answer will be?

    I know he hates musicals, movies or theaters. No idea, maybe a piano fell over and broke his leg as a child, or somehow a symphony conductor thrashed him with a baton when he was in his formative years. But he hates musicals.
    His favorite musical of all time?
    Paint Your Wagon.
    Except for the singing.

  6. Good Morning Mary

    I can’t wait to Calico Canyon. I look forward to your comments on every post here, I know you will have something funny to add. You have such a way with words.

    I can’t think of a “he’s such a guy” story. The men in my family are so redneck it isn’t funny. I mean all of Jeff’s jokes could have come from my family.

    Have a great day

  7. Tanya, you are so lucky. My husband helps out some. My sister’s husband thinks it is a WOMAN’S JOB to do housework. It is a big pain in the butt.

    lol Mary that story about your husband and paint your wagon is great. I feel the same way about Wizard of Oz. I can’t get passed people stopping what there doing and breakout in song.

  8. Before my brother-in-law married his wife the went to set up bank a accounts together. AS he walked out the door he threw up because the thought of his wife now having control of money.

    Enter me in the drawing. spowell01(at)bellsouth(dot)net

  9. Oh, now Sherry, if they didn’t stop and sing the movie would be fifteen minutes long, c’mon.
    Tornado, nice walk along a yellow brick road, side trip to melt the witch, onward to Oz.

    Thank heavens for those long winded singing munchkins.

  10. Oh, and Sherry, you’re talking about Jeff Foxworthy, right?

    I swear if you read his book, You Might be a Redneck, I can just go down the list and check off all the things my husband really does.

    I even wrote my own redneck joke a while back.

    I will now share it with you……..

    If your husband always throws his beer cans in the same corner of your kitchen, even though you moved the recycling six months ago…you might be a redneck.

  11. Shelliel…is that true? Wow, we may need to give your brother-in-law a crown. I don’t know if we can top that. LOL

    And we can give his wife our undying sympathy.

  12. So, Tanya honey, your husband learned to cook and clean at a firehouse???

    Uh……if you’ve got a pole in your house, I don’t want to know what you’ve been using it for.

  13. PJ, thanks for the kind words about Calico Canyon.

    Theresa N, you too. I really appreciate it. If you read my post last time about duct taping my head to keep it from exploding, you’ll know how freaked out I get when a book is releasing, although my P & P sisters tell me it’ll get better.

  14. Yes, Jeff Foxworthy, isn’t he great. That was a good one about cans in the corner. My husband just throws his around his chair. Do tell how you trained him to put them in a corner.(LOL)

  15. Hi Mary — I have a good “he’s such a guy” story. When my son was born, we took him in the stroller to go car shopping. At the time, I drove a Camaro, not conducive for car seats and baby gear. There was a great sale with fanfare and free hot dogs at one car lot.

    When we walked up, one of the salesman, eager to make contact with us, brought over a PINK balloon for the baby. I tied it on the stroller and thought it was very nice of him.

    My hubby took one look at that pink balloon on his son’s stroller and untied it. “He’s not going around with a pink balloon,” he said, or something to that effect. He brought it back and exchanged it for a BLUE balloon.

    I laughed and rolled my eyes. Now, is that a “guy” story or what?

  16. My husband refuses to wear colors that he considers feminine or styles that he thinks look feminine. He has to have “manly” clothes. 🙂

  17. I was sitting next to a woman who held her baby boy in her lap many years ago.

    The child made a very unfortunate, loud and very normal noise inside his diaper.
    She looks up at me and says, “He’s all boy.”

    I just had to fight not to roll my eyes.
    Yeah, infant girls don’t do that.

  18. Is pink still in style for guys? I remember when the first pink clothes for men came in, my poor husband was so horrified. His nephews had splashes of pink on their swim trunks. Even his brother had a pair with some pink.

    It’s like I could see my husband’s universe tilting.

  19. Oh, and my mother-in-law…who has seven sons talks about the time she heard one of her very young sons screaming outside. She ran out to see him dangling off the roof of the house, hanging from the slowly bending rain gutter.

    Her husband had come running, too and while she is thinking desperately where to find a ladder or whether to rush upstairs and climb out on the roof and pull the child to safety, her husband grabs a hoe and using the long handle, pokes the kid in the backside and yells for him to ‘GET BACK UP THERE.’ ‘PULL YOURSELF UP’
    no ounce of compassion anywhere.

    Of course the little brat pulled himself back up.

  20. Hi Mary,

    My husband was one of those who’d rather be shot than ask for directions to anywhere. He’d drive around for hours, hopelessly lost, rather than stop and ask someone how to get us unlost. I loved him to death, but he drove me to distraction sometimes.

    My dad had this thing about not stopping for gas until every drop had been burned from the tank. I can’t tell you how many times we ran out of gas. And who knows how many miles he walked to get some. He was just forever misjudging his mileage. Being stranded in the middle of nowhere used to scare me to death when I was young.

    Thanks, Mary, for a fun blog! 🙂

  21. I don’t know if this is a guy thing I don’t know if they all think they are know it all’s lol! Before we moved we had a boat and lived at the coast, we took the girls out to one of the little islands and we were the only ones there. We pulled the boat up and he grabbed his pole and i ask him aren’t you going to put the anchor down and he said no i have it pulled up far enough it’s not going anywhere I ask 3 times don’t you think you should put the anchor down? He was walking as fast as he could to go put that pole in the water, not long after i saw this big boat fly by and i ask him have you checked the boat lately his reply was i don’t need to I walked across the island and yeap the boats gone it’s in the middle of the sound i grab my camcorder and holler for him the boats gone he comes running hollering for me to go get it while i’m taping him he’s cussing at me, my girls are laying on the ground crying they’re laughing so hard He went out in neck deep water pulling that boat by the rope and collaped on the ground still cussing at me that i didn’t go after the boat my question was reckon you should’ve put that anchor down? I’m so proud of myself i got that one on tape!

  22. Linda…directions, do NOT get me started.

    I suggest asking for directions and I might as well just pull off my gloves, slap him in the face and challenge the man to a duel. Those are fighting words.

    And he is the WORST backseat driving. I actually forbade him to teach the girls to drive (we’ve got four daughters) he was just so AWFUL. Flinching and yelling and shouting out warnings.

    Once, just once, I let him drive off with one of the girls in the driver’s seat. We live in the country on a section, one mile, turn, one mile, turn, do this for four miles you’re back home.

    Well, they went the four mile route. They took off to the south and about five minutes later (we live in a VERY remote area…no traffic, gravel roads, some farm equipment…)they pull in from the north and he’s driving. He comes out of the car FURIOUS. He said, “I thought she knew how to drive!”
    Uh…she’s thirteen, she’s still learning.

    I just plain flat out grounded him and the girls refused to ever drive in his presence again. I had to teach them all.

    And that explains hundreds of my own gray hairs.

  23. Lori, you are a brave, brave woman. I’d love to turn a video camera on my husband sometime.

    His most sensitive thing is being embarrassed in public. I don’t know why but it just sets off all his hot buttons.

    Example, I visited the rest room in this tiny dairy queen. You had to go outside, go around back and come into the back of the kitchen to use it. Then, I just walked through the kitchen back to the front of the restaurant. My husband saw me do this and went through the kitchen to the restroom, copying my movements.

    Someone said, “Sir, you need to go around back, you can’t come through the kitchen.”

    He was embarrassed which translates for him to mad. He didn’t speak to me for three days. Or if he did speak, he growled.

    I’ve learned to enjoy the silence.

  24. This is not really a guy story, but when my nephew was 3 years old we went shopping and found a toy clearance rack… we told him to choose the toy he wanted… he chose a purse with jewelry! We said okay! We then go home and let him wear the jewelry and the purse. We took plenty of pics with him hamming it up! Later his parents saw the pics… my sister just rolled her eyes, but his father had a fit!!! He actually would not let him visit us for awhile because of this… geez some people!!!

  25. Linda, your story reminded me of this:

    When I was little, I used to travel with my grandparents all the time. I also used to get car sick.

    I don’t know whose bright idea it was to buy me the barbequed Fritos.

    You know where this story is going, don’t you?

    Anyway, I ate those Fritos and before long watching the phone lines drooping in the heat along the side of the road gave me a headache and I leaned from the backseat over between my grandparents in the front and said, “I feel sick.”

    My Grandma St.John said, “Stop the car, she’s going to be sick.”

    Grandpa said, “Wait just a minute.”

    Grandma said, “Seth!”

    Grandpa said, “Just till we get over ths hill.”

    That was when I heaved on the seat between them.

    We pulled over real fast.

    And I can’t remember ever getting sick inside the car again. After that he always stopped.

    I’ve also never eaten another barbequed Frito in all the years since.

  26. Love these stories, Mary! Your book sounds delightful. Don’t have any stories to add–I enjoy NOT remembering my long-ago ex. But now I have the man-cat who is such a typical male that he just breaks me up. As I type this he is lying on my desk with his huge paws across my wrist, looking at me like, “So?”
    At least he lets me control the money, as long as some of it goes for Fancy Feast.

  27. I remember one time our rural school…eleven kids in eight grades in a one room country schoolhouse, during the first gulf war. The teacher was trying to talk about the soldiers gone and how the ones left behind, often the wives, had to assume the role of both mother and father.
    So, toward this end, she told the kids to all come to school dressed like the opposite sex.

    this is pretty easy for girls these days…what? Blue jeans and a masculinish t-shirt…big deal.
    But for the boys, well, it was trickier, pink, skirts…Make-up??? LOL

    I had all girls. No big deal. One of my neighbors with two boys called it ‘Cross Dressers Day’. He was laughing about it, though.

  28. Oh Cheryl, I can just imagine the smell of those barbeque fritos. Guess you taught your grandpa a valuable lesson! Too funny. Although I’m sure you didn’t feel a bit like laughing at the time.

    My mother used to make sandwiches and hide them in the car every time we took off for someplace. She knew we’d get stranded somewhere and she wanted us to have something to eat while my dad walked to get us help. lol

  29. Mary..I just have to say that I love your humor and wit! It never fails that when I read stuff you say on here …I laugh!

    My husband did something really typical of a man the other day and asked me how much I weigh!! LOL

    someone just emailed me something called “why men are never depressed”…. it’s pretty dang funny!

  30. Too bad Grandpa had to learn that the hard way.

    I was way bad about being car sick when I was a kid. one other sister was even worse. We never went anywhere, and who can blame my folks for that?

  31. Hi Mary,

    First, congratulations on being married 32 years! We’ve only been married 14 yrs. and lately I’ve been thinking I don’t get my husband at all. He is just driving me crazy!!

    For man stories-having told all my colleagues this saga they agree my hubby takes the cake.

    When I was in labor with our first son, he forgot to notify the hospital that he was on call so while I was pushing and yes screaming because my epidural never took, he was sitting next to me ANSWERING HIS PAGES ON THE PHONE. You’d think whoever was on the other line would have heard my screams but no-this went on for 4 hours. (Of course everyone else in the room were all men so apparently it didn’t seem that unusual to them either.)

    Two years later, the same exact thing happened again when I was in labor with our second son.

    Needless to say, we stopped at two.

  32. LOL..wanna talk labor-husband stories..

    with our 1st….I knew I was in early I didnt wake my husband yet…I walked around a bit…then got TONS of pressure down there, so I decided to lay down… it was really quiet in the room too….so anyway, I was laying there and I heard this little “pop”…and then GUSH….hot water everywhere around me..I rolled over, woke my husband and said “ water just broke”…he looked at me and said “well, how do you know?” HAHAHAHAHAHA….never ask a woman in labor how she knows her water broke!!! LOL

  33. Enjoyed all these wonderful stories. My Dad packed the car for our summer vacation and since it was overloaded he had to tie items onto the roof. we all looked and didn’t say a thing but knew that they would never last the trip. This is not really funny because he was furious but the biggest package on the roof went flying down the highway. What a sight. We were all young and he was so upset. Needless to say our vacation started in a flat note.

  34. These are so entertaining. Men are such unique creatures. My husband always has to fix everything, even if it takes days of intensive work. I cannot say a word and it is so annoying most of the time. I try to interject with a comment but he is already in a stew. He was repairing the dishwasher in the middle of the night. Finally in the morning he said to call the repairman because the pipes were corroded and had to be replaced. Was I ever fit to be tied.

  35. I found it, Melissa.

    Your last name stays put.
    The garage is all yours.
    Wedding plans take care of themselves.
    Chocolate is just another snack.
    You can be President.
    You can never be pregnant.
    You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
    You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
    Car mechanics tell you the truth.
    The world is your urinal.
    You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
    You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
    Same work, more pay.
    Wrinkles add character.
    People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
    New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
    One mood all the time.
    Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
    You know stuff about Tanks (Sherman? Tiger? T70?).
    A five-day vacation only requires one suitcase.
    You can open all your own jars.
    Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
    Your underwear is $5.95 for a three-pack.
    You almost never have strap problems in public.
    You are unable to see wrinkles on your clothes.
    Everything on your face stays its original color.
    The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades even.
    You only have to shave your face and neck (or head)
    You can play with toys all your life.
    Your belly usually hides your big hips.
    One wallet and one pair of shoes – one color for all seasons.
    You can wear shorts no matter how your leg looks.
    You can “do” your nails with a pocket knife.
    You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
    You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in just 25 minutes.

  36. Za, I swear when my first daughter was finally born my husband acted like he was nearly killed by it.

    Of course I couldn’t get my hands on him to make that come true. Leg stirrups were probably invented for just that reason.

    My SECOND daughter, we’d gone out for a movie with friends who hung around for quite a while at our house afterward. I was five days overdue and I’d been having twinges all evening…but c’mon, I’d been having twinges for six months!!
    Our friends left, it was near 1 a.m. and I told my husband, “I’m not sure, but I think I’m in labor.”
    His response, “If you knew you were in labor why didn’t you tell them to go home. Do you know how many hours of sleep I’m going to get now?”
    We got to the hospital and my husband, now an old hand at labor and delivery, knew where the coffee pot and the refrigerator were at the small hospital where our children were born.
    He got coffee, hunted up a comfortable chair and chatted (no, I will NOT say flirted) with the nurses the whole time.

    Again…he was saved by the stirrups.

  37. I want to interject here that I’m pretty fond of my husband. I mean 32 years, that’s pretty good. No illusions, but I love him.

    Also, he knows NOTHING about the internet. I can say anything here.

    He’s also a pretty good sport about my writing. Honestly, the first writer’s conference I attended? I was going to room with an online critique partner. If you think about it, what I really told my husband was, “I want to fly to Denver and spend three days in a hotel with someone I met on the internet.”

    He was fine with it.

    So he’s a guy for sure, but he’s all right.

  38. ellie, sorry about the catastrophe. I can see it, the stuff strewn for a mile all over the highway.
    Yeah, guys aren’t always funny. Of course we can laugh or cry, huh?

  39. My hubby of 34 years is also great about my writing. Although he can’t figure out why my writing room has piles here and there. And everywhere LOL. After all, he’s a cleaner! No firepole here, Mary, but you make me laugh.

    As for directions: He finally got a GPS for his birthday. Now there’s another female voice to nag, nag, NAG.

    And for the final reason men are never depressed: They don’t have to have a period once a month for forty years. Aaarrrrrgh. I dearly love the Lord but I think He seriously made a mistake with that one.

  40. I’m loving these stories. I’ve been married 39 years so I have a ton of them but I’ll start with the first – night before our wedding I say, “Don’t forget to get gas”! After having to push our new sports car to a gas station in his tux and having no clue as to why it wouldn’t run he was saved by a little kid saying “do you have gas, mister”. He walks into the church half an hour late and announces to his mother in his booming voice, “I ran out of gas”. So I walk down the aisle to everyone laughing. I probably should have walked the other way lol. Moral of the story – HE STILL NEVER HEARS WHAT I SAY.

  41. I am thoroughly enjoying this post and comments today! I have 2 grown sons and a husband, and I have learned to tolerate the burping and farting that doesn’t seem like bad manners to them for some reason. I have, of course, also suffered through the lack of listening and following directions skills. 🙂

    There has been some mention of husbands during labor, and I will add mine. With our first child, my water broke during the night. I woke my husband to tell him that I was in labor, and he said “No, you’re not!” He seemed to think that since the due date was 2 weeks off, there was no way I could be in labor yet. Anyway, when we were at the hospital he left for a few hours to go to work. He said he would periodically check with me and return when needed. Of course, I felt abandoned. Well, our marriage survived and we had another son a few years later. He was there the entire time for that one!

  42. Tanya, there’s a scene in Calico Canyon where the clueless husband Daniel is trying to find out if his wife is pregnant.

    Here’s a little of it:

    He leaned close and whispered, “Are you carrying my child?”

    Grace dropped her hands. In the darkened bedroom, moonlight streamed in through the cracks in the shuttered window. The tears ran, unchecked down her face.

    “Quit crying. I can’t abide a woman’s tears.” He tightened his grip on her shoulder.

    “How could I know such a thing?” she whispered. “I wasn’t even aware that. . .well, what I mean is, I’ve never had a mother to explain things. And. . .for a child to begin. . .I’ve never given it a thought.”

    “You’ll know because your. . .” Daniel fell silent. He had to force the words past his throat. “Y-your. . .uh. . .lady’s time—” He lapsed into silence.

    She gasped. “I’ll not discuss such with you, sir.” She tried to step away from him.

    He held on doggedly, his eyes closed tight so he wouldn’t have to look at her while he discussed such an embarrassing subject. “A lady’s time. . .doesn’t. . .come when a woman is with child. Has yours come?”

    “It doesn’t?”

    Daniel shook his head.

    “But that will take months to know.”

    “No, it doesn’t. It only takes a month.”

    “Why is that?” Grace asked, her eyes wide with confusion.

    Nearly in physical pain from the topic, Daniel growled, “Because it comes every month, so if it doesn’t come that month, then you know.”

    “Mine doesn’t. . .come. . .every month.” Grace licked her lips as if her mouth had gone stone dry. “I mean, it never has. I had no idea it was supposed to.” With a sudden flare of temper, Grace added, “Every month? That will be a nuisance.”

    She exasperated Daniel past his embarrassment. “You’re a woman grown, Grace. You’re supposed to have one per month.”

    “Well, I’ve only had a couple of them in my whole life.”

    Daniel glared at her. “How old did you say you are?”


    “I was married at seventeen. My wife was the same age. She told me it started when a woman was twelve. Every month. You’re not doing it right.”

    Grace looked angry for a moment, then her mouth formed itself into a straight line and her brow wrinkled. “I’m s-sorry.” Her eyes filled with tears again. She looked down at her skinny body.

    “It’s okay. I reckon you can’t help doing it wrong.” He patted her on the arm with his big clodhopper hands.

  43. Oh, and here’s another guy thing. My husband is nearly killed by talk of a…let’s say…lady’s time.

    Seriously. He cannot stand it.

    I swear I could embezzle $500 a month from our checking account and when he asked about it, I’d say, “Well, it’s kind of a female thing…”
    and he’d just back away, his arms extended like ‘halt’, saying, “Fine, fine, whatever. Take it, the money’s no big deal.”
    Then he’d run.

  44. I enjoyed your post, it definitely made me smile. Years ago there was a song on the radio with words something like, “I loved you before I met you”. My son and I were in the car and we were listening to it on the radio and my son is so annoyed by the song because it is impossible to love someone before you’ve met them he insists. I started explaining about fate and soulmates and things like that but he told me I made no sense so I reminded myself that he was a guy and gave up.

  45. Oh Mary, I just back from running errands and am laughing out loud! I can just hear Daniel’s quasi-moronic tone. Oh, girl, I just love the way you get words to work LOL.

    If I can get it to work…can I post your cover on my blog?

  46. Every single time we would go on holiday my husband would have a severe migraine. While driving the entire length of the trip and the another one going back home. Utterly hopeless and clueless about how to prepare for a trip. I felt badly but was sick over this each and every year.

  47. My husband would rather drive miles out of the way than ask for directions. I tell him it must be a ‘guy’ thing.

  48. I have almost completely quit driving when he’s in the car Estella, he’s such a terrible back seat driver.

    Of course if you asked him, he’s say only his shouted warnings have kept us alive all these years.

  49. Yo, it worked. Thanks, Mary. I’m the honored one. Check it out

    Having driven a giant fire engine for years, my hubby thinks he’s the grandmaster of it all. Nonetheless, I had to be ambulance driver for a bit recently during a health-challenge of his and he had to eat some very big words. And actually cough up some “thank-you’s.” LOL

  50. Yo, it worked. Thanks, Mary. I’m the honored one. Check it out at

    Having driven a giant fire engine for years, my hubby considers himself the grandmaster of it all. Well, I had to be ambulance-driver for a bit recently during a health-challenge of his, and did he ever have to eat some big words. And cough up some thank-yous LOL. All’s well now though and he’s definitely back behind the wheel.

    Which actually is a good thing. I don’t like driving much at all.

  51. My one guy story: I’m “pain in my lower back”, “day before the due date” pregnant with our first child. On the way to the hospital, we stop at Mother’s to let them know we’re about to be parents. My brother, who is the only one home, is making PB&J sandwiches and invites Honey to have something to eat. Honey, who is hungry, accepts. I’m laying down on the sofa having labor pains. Thank goodness, Honey only took a half sandwich! We continued on to the hospital and our son was born at 3:22 am on Valentine’s Day!

    Pat Cochran

  52. I went and looked, Tanya. A techno-genius in our midst. Computers are so not my thing. Every time I learn something new, I find out eighty things that I didn’t even know I didn’t know.

  53. Enjoyed reading the comments. My husband is just like some of yours. They have their own mindset, don’t they? I usually don’t remark about his “acting like a guy” because he comes back with “I wouldn’t act that way if it wasn’t for my mother who raised me and she just happens to be a WOMAN’
    Go figure

  54. Oh my! I’ve been snickering here in my work cubicle over all these fabulous stories! My nephew told his mom and me the other day, when we were discussing healthier food habits, that he’ll eat healthy when broccoli tastes like a Big Mac. She has her work cut out for her! One year my hubby gave me my passenger seat drivers lisence…it was attached to a strip of duct tape…Hey, I was just trying to help! That stuff hurts when you have to rip it off…


    Can’t wait to read Calico Canyon

  55. Wow, this has been a popular topic today! We MUST do this again sometime! I’m sure that we are all just full of stories. 🙂

  56. Mary, you are too funny! I have enjoyed your jokes today!

    Okay I have one: How many men does it take to change a roll of toliet paper?

    Give up?

    Answer: No one knows. It’s never been done.

  57. Becca, I am at a loss for words at the duct tape, you might as well pass it over to me and I’ll put it on my mouth because nothing I’m thinking of to say bears repeating!!!!!!!!!

  58. Q: How many women with MENOPAUSE does it take to change a light bulb?

    A: One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb!They don’t even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out.And, once they figured it out, they wouldn’t be able to find the# &%!*light bulbs despite the fact that they’ve been in the SAME CABINET for the past 17 YEARS!But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them, 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE FREAKING LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER PICKS UP OR CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT’S A WONDER WE HAVEN’T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS PLACE!AND DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHO CHANGESTHE TOILET PAPER ROLL !!

    I’m sorry. What was the question?

  59. This isn’t all that funny but shows the mind of a guy. I asked the youngest of my four sons what color he wanted to paint his room, and he said, “I’m a guy. I don’t care what color it is.”

    He’s partially colorblind.

  60. Oops, accidentally hit the Send button.

    My son is partially colorblind and I’m tempted to paint his room pink and tell him it’s light blue. But I don’t like pink so I guess that wouldn’t do. But it is tempting. 🙂

  61. Oh Mary! I was out of town last week so didn’t get much chance to check in with you lovely ladies and been busy brainstorming ideas for my next WIP the past few days….but I just gotta say-
    Love the blog, love the excerpt and all the stories!

    I’ve still got to get to my TBR pile and read Petticoat Ranch but already I am already in tears of laughter over Daniel’s explanation of a woman’s monthly time! Love it.

    As for guy stories…when we bought our daughter’s crib and got it home my dear sweet hubby, never one for reading the instructions, thought he’d tackle the crib with his own brain and brawl. We get the screws out and he SWEARS they packed the wrong size screws, so there was absolutely NO WAY to put it together. He was ready to call the company and complain but instead, called his dad to come over to help him figure out what was wrong.

    While he sat in the living room and waited for his dad to get here, I went in the bedroom, calmly looked over the instructions, figured out which screws he was talking about and put the frame together just as his dad arrived. There was nothing wrong with the screws at all. I came back in the living room and told them they could have at the rest of it. LOL

    Same thing happened when we were putting together a television/dresser cabinet for my stepson. I asked him repeatedly if he was sure he had the sides turned the right direction because I was looking at the instructions and it looked wrong…but did he have it right? No…they were backward by the time he realized it..he got flustered because he had already gotten it together and he stormed out of the room while I took it apart again and put it back together the right way.

    And again…not just my hubby, but my dad as well….together they were putting in a new door on the side of our house. We were replacing the knob and deadbolt–they couldn’t figure out how to remove the deadbolt…had me do an online search for the dismantling of this certain style of deadbolt and came up empty on it. I went in the kitchen and fiddled with it and figured out how to remove a “cap” that covered the screws that had to be removed before it could be taken off the door.

    I love my hubby and my dad to death..hubby I could understand didn’t know up from down with the door, but my dad is a carpenter and even he was baffled by the deadbolt! LOL

    Men and instructions!

  62. Mary loved the menopause thing. I know exactly how that feels. Don’t forget to add in the hot flashes.

  63. Taryn, it wouldn’t be so bad that guys don’t read instructions if guys didn’t also invent the stupid contraptions with their complex instructions.
    I’ve got a watch I can NOT set the time on. I love that watch. But it’s six minutes slow and has always been. I got it set to begin with a couple years ago. No idea where the six minutes went. It’s not like it’s running gradually farther and farther behind.
    Oh, and it’s six minutes slow only in the summer. It’s an hour and six minutes slow during daylight savings time.
    Daylight Savings Time…also invented by a guy.

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