Stilettos and Glossy Lips … When do you feel oh, so sexy?


Recently in a Redbook article, women were asked what made them feel desirable, then the same question was asked of their smitten men. Their answers may surprise you. Mind you, these are men ALREADY in love with their mates.  


According to Redbook:


“When a man is in love, what he finds really attractive is the feeling that he’s seeing you for who you truly are,” explains REDBOOK Love Network expert Scott Haltzman, M.D., author of The Secrets of Happily Married Women. “To a guy, the makeup, the sexy outfit, it’s all a mask. He wants the woman behind the mask. Openness, vulnerability, an air of contentment — those things are what really turns him on.”


Do you believe that?   It seemed a bit hard to swallow, but as I read on I realized that what made women feel sexy, wasn’t really what the men found sexy about them.


Case in point, take the woman learning how to belly dance.  She feels sexy when she makes those sensual moves. She feels really in touch with her body.  But when asked, her husband found her most sexy when she could hold her own in a political debate.  Her political views are not popular yet she defends her ideas and stands her ground.  Her intelligence and her passion for the subject really turns him on. 


Go figure?


Another woman married for 15 years feels close to her mate when they reconnect as a couple.  They take walks on the beach, read together and feel the closeness of their bond, which she states is powerful.  That’s when she feels most desirable.   Her husband finds her most desirable when he watches her speak to friends in a large group, telling a story and drawing them in with her passion and warm inviting smile. Her sweetness and generosity is quite an elixir. 



Another married woman finds herself most sexy when she dons black stilettos, wears low-cut blouses and colors her lips with shiny red gloss.  Add candlelight to the scenario and she’s a happy camper.  But ironically, her husband likes her natural beauty.  He finds her most attractive when she’s vegged out on the sofa watching television and totally relaxed.  Often, he grabs his camera and takes a shot, because she looks so inviting and beautiful.


I’m one too, who is amazed that my husband doesn’t like seeing me in sexy clothes. He’d rather I wear no make-up, loving my brown eyes and natural skin tones.  But the one thing that he really likes (pardon my being forthright here) is when I put on this pale pink plain cotton ancient nightie that I’ve worn nearly to shreds.  He claims it’s the sexiest piece of clothing I own.  Honestly, I was ready to toss it out.


Gee, I’ve been writing romance a long time. I’ve been married forever and I never realized that it’s not the stilettos and red lipstick that turn a man on once they’ve fallen in love. 


Do you think women harbor misconceptions about what their men find sexy in them?  


And what makes you feel good about yourself?  


If you could pick one couple who despict a true married couple, who would they be? 













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30 thoughts on “Stilettos and Glossy Lips … When do you feel oh, so sexy?”

  1. I suppose we do have some misconceptions about what our men find sexy. We women are a lot like books…I think they fall “in love” with the cover first, but over time, they begin to really LOVE what’s between the pages. Just like a good book that you read over and over again, eventually it doesn’t matter what’s on the outside of the book, but its the content that matters instead. Truly they love the story of us, who we really are on the inside.

    I feel good after I’ve exercised, showered, shaved and find an outfit in my closet that looks good. A little bit of makeup brightens my outlook, but I think the thing that makes me feel the best is when my husband smiles at me and it seems he only has eyes for me.

    The one couple I would say depicts a true married couple would be my parents- who celebrated their 34th anniversary last weekend. I count myself lucky and blessed that they are still together and still love each other. So many of my friends’ parents are divorced and it breaks my heart that they didn’t have both parents together growing up and so many of them have hard times in their own adult relationships because of it.

  2. great blog Charlene!!!

    This article did not shock me honestly! Over the 13 years of my marriage I have come to figure out that my husband does appreciate when I take the time to look nice for him…..but not because I actually look nice, it’s because I made the special effort just for him! That turns him on.

    I feel pretty good about myself when I am dressed in something that flatters my body and not something that looks good on someone else…I dont wear stuff just because it’s trendy or fashionable!

    My husband makes me feel truely beautiful. He’s my best quality! He compliments me.

    As for a couple who depicts a true married couple..well, I’ve been thinking on that and I’d have to say in my little world..I cant think of anyone besides me and my husband. We love each other today more than ever..we miss each other if the other gone…I still get butterflies when I know he’s about to get home! He’s sexier now than ever to me and we desire each other now more than ever too! We still flirt and hold hands and have a great time!

  3. I actually think my hubby likes sexy lingerie but it’s so darned uncomfortable, it’s a little joke between us. Give me comfort any day LOL…Maybe this is arrogant LOL, but I actually think he and I are truly married. I’ve never considered myself a strong person but this year started out with him facing a harrowing health challenge, and I had to find every kind of strength I didn’t know I had to get us through. Now that he’s better, his gratitude and love shine through those big brown eyes of his. We’re finding we can survive anything…and not just nutball relatives.

    Thanks for giving me time to reflect today, Charlene. We’re off on a much-deserved vacation for ten days and I don’t know if/how often I’ll be able to visit the junction. I’m gonna miss everybody so much! See you soon.

  4. Great blog, Charlene. I’ve been belly dancing for years (taking a break for a while now). I perform with other dancers in festivals and community shows. On stage in a gorgeous costume I feel like a goddess. But I feel most attractive in something simple, like well-fitted jeans and a plain black top.
    Not having a steady man in my life, I’ve discovered the joy of being myself. Being absolutely real is what makes me feel sexy.

  5. Hi Taryn – I think you’re right. I guess we writers and readers of romance have a slightly slanted view of what SHOULD be sexy because we fantasize about it in our stories. But in reality, it’s the small things that bring us closer and make us more intimate. Like a smile or a gesture that makes us feel special.

    This weekend I’m right up there with your parents, I’ll be celebrating my 34th Anniversary! 🙂 He was my high school sweetheart.

    I love your analogy of loving the book cover first, and then really falling in love with the story inside. Beautiful!

  6. Melissa D – oh how lovely that you have such a wonderful loving marriage. And that you think your husband is your best quality. I bet, he’s thinking the same about you!

  7. Elizabeth – oh how fun to belly dance! I bet it’s hard work and great exercise! I’ve always wanted to try on one of the “goddess” outfits. I always think of “I Dream of Jeanie” when I see an outfit like that.

    You know, come to think about it, my husband likes me best in jeans and t-shirt. Just a very earthy real look.

    This is a good learning experience for me!

  8. You know my favorite marriage on TV right now?


    Those two have a very real marriage. They are both under so much stress. She is forever jerking awake in the night after her psychic dreams and grabbing the phone to call her long suffering policeman partner to save someone somewhere. And her husband is just such a good sport about it.
    But he also gets tired and impatient. He moans around a lot while, at the same time, completely respecting her.
    They both look exhausted most of the time with three kids and two jobs and her dreaming. They fight, mostly small eruptions of temper but sometimes they have blowouts. But it’s all based on this ‘we’re together forever’ foundation.

    And they find time to really enjoy each other too. When they can stay awake long enough.

  9. Hi Mary – You know, Medium is one of my favorite shows. I love Joe and Alison. And the kids. You’re right, they incorporate real life situations into the plot, like how she has to drop off her kids at school before she can go seek out the dead guy. Joe is a saint, most of the time. My hubby laughs when he gets woken up in the middle of the night, all the time. That guy needs to sleep in another room, says dh.

    Another true life couple is Ray and his wife, on Everybody Loves Raymond. Those two have real life situations and she’s raising three kids also. Some days, she looks so frazzled and I can totally relate. I remember those days.

  10. I loved Raymond. I had to sit through a man ranting about how ‘Male Bashing’ Raymond was, all the men are idiots.

    I couldn’t believe it.

    Male Bashing? When Marie is the ultimate evil Mother In Law? When Debra is the ultimate nagging wife? When Ray is in the middle, everybody’s victim even while everybody loves him best???

    It was genuinely funny.

    I rememeber reading once that, in realistic TV marriage, remember Lucy and Desi had twin beds? And Rob and Laura Petrie had twin beds?
    Well, Herman and Lily Munster were the first TV married couple to share a double bed.

  11. Wonderful subject, Charlene! This was an eye-opener. I never knew this either. But, I wonder why it is that men always ogle a woman in high heels and a short skirt? Methinks they have a double standard. They want their wives one way and their fantasies another.

    But that’s no different from women I suppose. How many of our husbands have a body-builder’s shape? We sure love to look at men who do though. lol

    Very intriguing! Thanks, Charlene. Hope you have a good day.

  12. Speaking of Herman and Lily, I really loved Morticia and Gomez Adams–boy did they keep the romance alive (however, I don’t recall ever seeing them in bed).
    Agree with you, Mary and Charlene, about Medium. The family and the marriage relationship make for a wonderful show.

  13. I can’t stand Tedium–I mean Medium any more. Ho hum. It never changes — as soon as I see it start, I dash to switch the channel. Their relationship gripes tho poo out of me.

    Different strokes, eh?

    And I laugh at the antics, but I can’t stand Raymond.

  14. Hey, Charlene! Very interesting blog! I’m sort of surprised by the men’s answers. I didn’t know they had it in them to be so insightful about themselves. 🙂 But I’m thinking like Linda Broday that maybe they have a double standard–ie. they’re attracted by the high heels and lip gloss, but they actually fall in love with the ‘real’ woman. Kinda nice to think about.

    Cheryl–I can’t stand Raymond either! Lol. I like him, but I think she constantly puts him down, that I don’t understand why he hangs out with her. Interestingly enough, I used to think Roseanne and Dan Connor had a great marriage. They always put down other people, but never put down each other in a nasty way.


  15. Hi Linda – You know, my husband is the same. He looks at sexily dressed women, but he doesn’t like me wearing low-cut, short dresses or anything. It’s very caveman of him, but I love him to death despite it.

  16. Elizabeth – I wasn’t a big fan of the Munsters or Addams Family, but I do recall the sweet loving relationships they had with each other. It was the ONE normal thing about them! 🙂

  17. Elizabeth – Yep, belly dancing would make a great blog topic! Would love to see it!

    Cher – It’s funny how our tastes are so different. My kids love The Office, they are always telling us how funny it is, and we’ve tried. Honestly tried to get into it, but we end up just looking at each other with drawn brows. “What?”

    Being Italian, there’s so much truth in Everybody Loves Raymond. I never watched it when it was on prime time. But I’m catching it on reruns now and loving Patrica Heaton’s character.

  18. Hi Kate – Yep, the Redbook article was a real eye-opener for me and will help when I write my contemp stories now. It’s giving me lots of food for thought.
    I never watched Roseanne, but it was #1 so I figured it had to be funny and have good dynamics to stay on TV so long.

  19. Hi Charlene, Congratulations on your anniversary!That’s wonderful. What an interesting blog. I agree with the other posts in that my husband doesn’t care about make-up or even clothes.

    When we dress up I’m usually the one to tell him that he looks great first and it may take him awhile to figure out that I’ve lost weight or had my hair done. (My kids notice first.)

    He does care about whether I’m getting enough sleep (I work nights), how my work is going, what I think about his work and politics and how we are raising our boys. I love him for those things alone, but he always, always tells me he loves me several times a day and I never get tired of hearing him say that.

    Congratulations again and have a great weekend!

  20. I also think men might say one thing when answering a survey and not necessarily mean it.

    My husband doesn’t appreciate my political views and he really doesn’t appreciate my going off about them.
    On the other hand, the man has a very strange way of holding a conversation. He seems to lay back, wait until he figures out what opinion you have, then dive in on the other side, whether he believes what he’s saying or not.

    I’ve really learned to keep a lot of opinions to myself just to avoid the debate…now try and convince me that wasn’t his plan to begin with!

    A debater….talk about Tedium.

  21. Hi Za – Thanks for the anniversary wishes!
    What’s funny is that my if I tell my husband on the phone that I’m getting my hair done, he’ll instantly tell me it looks good, to cover his butt. We laugh about it, because he’s Not noticed so many times, that now he does a preemptive strike. I love it.

    We’ve been married so long, I know he loves me, but it’s nice to hear too. How nice that your hubby tells you many times during the day.
    But I do beleive that men HAVE to act a certain way with their buddies regarding women, but down deep, they are looking for a good wholesome, loving relationship. Most of the time, with most men. There are, those men that aren’t true blue and there’s nothing to be done with them.

    Mary – thankfully, my husband and hold the same view about politics and life in general. Maybe it comes from knowing each other since childhood. We’ve grown together .

  22. Honey and I are mostly casual people, in dress and
    just about everything. He does acknowledge and
    enjoy my “dressing up,” but equally compliments
    my casual outfits. As for lipstick, I so rarely
    wear any, much less a bright red shade!

    As to a real, true married couple, I would have to
    list Honey and I with our 47 loving years! Then
    I would list our son Joel and his wife, Tiffany,
    and our daughter Missy and her husband, Vincent.
    Both couples will celebrate their eighteenth
    anniversaries this year.

    Pat Cochran

  23. Hi Pat – Wow, I congratulate your 47 years of a loving marriage! I love Honey and I reference. In our neighborhood, our sweet “young” neighbors have been married 63 years. Her name is Bea, she calls him, Honey. It’s Bea and Honey, very cute.

    You must be so happy both of your children have good marriages. That’s all a parent can ask for!

  24. Charlene,

    What’s even cuter is that the grandchildren
    began calling him “Honey” or “Grandpa Honey,”
    starting with the eldest granddaughter, Ashley!

    Pat Cochran

  25. I am still single… so I am not sure how to answer, but it is clear women think they have to wear osé clothes to feel good!

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