“Give little, give seldom, and give grudgingly.”
This was what Ruth Smythers, wife of Reverend L.D. Smythers, wrote in 1894 in her advice book for husbands and wives. She went on to tell women that unbridled passion in bed even within marriage was seen as a dangerous pastime and should be avoided at all costs.
“Finding joy in the act and overindulgence can lead to cancer and other illnesses.”
“Refrain from having careers because working is vulgar and demeaning to husbands, declaring him incompetent and unable to provide.”
Furthermore, she instructed the wife to turn a blind eye if a husband strayed because that lifted her marriage burden.
These archaic ideas are too funny and definitely not what any of my characters adhere to. Nor did I.
Jack and Nora in Saving the Mail Order Bride (#2 of Outlaw Mail Order Brides) share a healthy marriage and view each other as equals even down to taking care of the children. Jack loves kids and sees Sawyer and Willow as his own and he adores Nora—even when she dyes his hair blonde.
In The Outlaw’s Mail Order Bride (#1 of the series), Clay and Tally struggle to learn how to trust. Both had been betrayed so the lesson didn’t come easy. However, they have no trouble in bed. 🙂
In my years of living, which have been considerable, I have a little advice of my own. However, I don’t claim to be an expert. No, no.
But maybe I’ll do better than Ruth Smythers. Here we go:
- Develop mutual respect and make it the cornerstone of your marriage.
- Marriage is a partnership.
- Share all aspects of your lives. Never keep secrets.
- Share the chores and the care of the children.
- Share the finances equally.
- Never go to bed angry.
- Find joy in being together and make time every day.
- Have a date night each week or several times a month.
These are just a few things I’ve learned after two marriages. Okay, it’s your turn. What is your advice? I’ll give both books of my Outlaw Mail Order Brides series to one commenter.